The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[Just-A-Stick she/her]

Just now, Ookla the foolish said:

Nice!!! That sounds amazing! Did you have fun?

I did! I was kinda worried at first, but I had a lot of fun  

It would've been more fun if other people would've danced with me too! 

[Cash67 Where’s/Perry]

1 minute ago, Ookla-The-Stick said:

I did! I was kinda worried at first, but I had a lot of fun  

It would've been more fun if other people would've danced with me too! 

I'm happy for y'all!

[Edema Rue she/her]

Yay! Glad it was so awesome!!

[Quivil she/her]

Semi-awkward question I would really like an answer to:

In the non-physical ways, how ought one treat someone they like* differently than they ought to** treat a sibling***?

Spoiler

*specifically boys for me but really anyone of an attractive gender because I'm not the only one here and I'm probably not the only one who would like an answer

**Ought to or actually do, both probably work (especially if said-example-sibling in question is one you generally enjoy spending time around)

***Again, specifically a brother for me but really any sibling

 

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

50 minutes ago, Quirksliver said:

Semi-awkward question I would really like an answer to:

In the non-physical ways, how ought one treat someone they like* differently than they ought to** treat a sibling***?

  Reveal hidden contents

*specifically boys for me but really anyone of an attractive gender because I'm not the only one here and I'm probably not the only one who would like an answer

**Ought to or actually do, both probably work (especially if said-example-sibling in question is one you generally enjoy spending time around)

***Again, specifically a brother for me but really any sibling

 

I’m a little confused by this, as I’ve never treated someone I like similarly to a sibling. Is that what you’re saying or am I just reading it very poorly?

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 hour ago, Quirksliver said:

Semi-awkward question I would really like an answer to:

In the non-physical ways, how ought one treat someone they like* differently than they ought to** treat a sibling***?

  Hide contents

*specifically boys for me but really anyone of an attractive gender because I'm not the only one here and I'm probably not the only one who would like an answer

**Ought to or actually do, both probably work (especially if said-example-sibling in question is one you generally enjoy spending time around)

***Again, specifically a brother for me but really any sibling

 

Don't understand the question, could you clarify?

[Immortal Platypus]

9 hours ago, Quirksliver said:

Semi-awkward question I would really like an answer to:

In the non-physical ways, how ought one treat someone they like* differently than they ought to** treat a sibling***?

  Hide contents

*specifically boys for me but really anyone of an attractive gender because I'm not the only one here and I'm probably not the only one who would like an answer

**Ought to or actually do, both probably work (especially if said-example-sibling in question is one you generally enjoy spending time around)

***Again, specifically a brother for me but really any sibling

 

i have no idea. it's never truly happened to me, but i know what you're saying. I'd love to help, but I don't know how to help

[Quivil she/her]

8 hours ago, Lightweaver2 said:

I’m a little confused by this, as I’ve never treated someone I like similarly to a sibling. Is that what you’re saying or am I just reading it very poorly?

 

7 hours ago, Aeoryi said:

Don't understand the question, could you clarify?

 

Most of the interactions I have had with boys I'm friends with have been with my brothers or cousins. Maybe that just means I've had a weird life.

I'm trying to figure out the non-physical differences in how the interactions should be because the physical ones are obvious and nobody ever really talks about the mental/emotional/social/intellectual/whatever-other-not-physical-types-of differences in how the interactions should be.

Should I tease him and talk to him and treat him and support him and encourage him and worry about his problems and try to help him and fight with him like I would one of my brothers? Or differently? If differently, how?

In trying to understand this all it doesn't help that I kind of stunted my own social and emotional growth. That's probably why I need this help.

(Oh also, this is specifically in regards to someone who likes spending time with me and probably knows I like spending time with him.)

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

31 minutes ago, Quirksliver said:

 

 

Most of the interactions I have had with boys I'm friends with have been with my brothers or cousins. Maybe that just means I've had a weird life.

I'm trying to figure out the non-physical differences in how the interactions should be because the physical ones are obvious and nobody ever really talks about the mental/emotional/social/intellectual/whatever-other-not-physical-types-of differences in how the interactions should be.

Should I tease him and talk to him and treat him and support him and encourage him and worry about his problems and try to help him and fight with him like I would one of my brothers? Or differently? If differently, how?

In trying to understand this all it doesn't help that I kind of stunted my own social and emotional growth. That's probably why I need this help.

(Oh also, this is specifically in regards to someone who likes spending time with me and probably knows I like spending time with him.)

I'd say the first option and not fight him as you would your brother's. Show him that you care about him. 

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

32 minutes ago, Quirksliver said:

 

 

Most of the interactions I have had with boys I'm friends with have been with my brothers or cousins. Maybe that just means I've had a weird life.

I'm trying to figure out the non-physical differences in how the interactions should be because the physical ones are obvious and nobody ever really talks about the mental/emotional/social/intellectual/whatever-other-not-physical-types-of differences in how the interactions should be.

Should I tease him and talk to him and treat him and support him and encourage him and worry about his problems and try to help him and fight with him like I would one of my brothers? Or differently? If differently, how?

In trying to understand this all it doesn't help that I kind of stunted my own social and emotional growth. That's probably why I need this help.

(Oh also, this is specifically in regards to someone who likes spending time with me and probably knows I like spending time with him.)

I would say try to get to know him, get to know his strengths and weaknesses, his likes and dislikes. Teasing can be good if it’s not about something he’s sensitive about and you make it obvious you’re teasing him. Definitely try to give him support. As Wiz said, show him you care about him.

 That’s stuff I’d say as a boy, but everybody’s different so I can’t really give you a perfect answer that fits him because I some know him. But I think that stuff should be good, someone can correct me if I’m wrong.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Lightweaver2

[Immortal Platypus]

48 minutes ago, Quirksliver said:

 

 

Most of the interactions I have had with boys I'm friends with have been with my brothers or cousins. Maybe that just means I've had a weird life.

I'm trying to figure out the non-physical differences in how the interactions should be because the physical ones are obvious and nobody ever really talks about the mental/emotional/social/intellectual/whatever-other-not-physical-types-of differences in how the interactions should be.

Should I tease him and talk to him and treat him and support him and encourage him and worry about his problems and try to help him and fight with him like I would one of my brothers? Or differently? If differently, how?

In trying to understand this all it doesn't help that I kind of stunted my own social and emotional growth. That's probably why I need this help.

(Oh also, this is specifically in regards to someone who likes spending time with me and probably knows I like spending time with him.)

Quick disclaimer: I am a teenage dude and have no idea what I'm talking about. Proceed with caution.

 

for me, i think it's very close to a sibling relationship. I'd say yes to all of those things except fight with him. only fight with him if it's something that's important to you, and make sure you're willing to die on a hill. There will probably be hills that you need to be able to die on. I'm sure you'll do great

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

2 hours ago, Quirksliver said:

 

 

Most of the interactions I have had with boys I'm friends with have been with my brothers or cousins. Maybe that just means I've had a weird life.

I'm trying to figure out the non-physical differences in how the interactions should be because the physical ones are obvious and nobody ever really talks about the mental/emotional/social/intellectual/whatever-other-not-physical-types-of differences in how the interactions should be.

Should I tease him and talk to him and treat him and support him and encourage him and worry about his problems and try to help him and fight with him like I would one of my brothers? Or differently? If differently, how?

In trying to understand this all it doesn't help that I kind of stunted my own social and emotional growth. That's probably why I need this help.

(Oh also, this is specifically in regards to someone who likes spending time with me and probably knows I like spending time with him.)

All the above, if it feels natural and seems to be what you are both comfortable with. The worst thing to do, I think, is to insist that it should be a certain, specific way.

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

Play a little coy, but also be obvious that you're crushing. Don't be afraid to sneak glances all the time.

Don't pry into personal stuff until you have an established relationship but cheer him on if he does sports or other activities and definitely make conversation. Girls are scary, so you gotta show us boys you won't bite.

Flirtatious teasing is okay, but be very careful not to say anything offensive until you're actually steady.

In short: before dating, you're trying to cue to him that you're interested, while dating, you can tease all you want, but you want to make that deep connection too, so open up more and more over time.

P.S. Let him protect you. It's the number one way to make him feel valuable.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

5 minutes ago, Lego Mistborn said:

Play a little coy, but also be obvious that you're crushing. Don't be afraid to sneak glances all the time.

Don't pry into personal stuff until you have an established relationship but cheer him on if he does sports or other activities and definitely make conversation. Girls are scary, so you gotta show us boys you won't bite.

Flirtatious teasing is okay, but be very careful not to say anything offensive until you're actually steady.

In short: before dating, you're trying to cue to him that you're interested, while dating, you can tease all you want, but you want to make that deep connection too, so open up more and more over time.

P.S. Let him protect you. It's the number one way to make him feel valuable.

you deserve a medal for that response, my friend.

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

8 minutes ago, Lego Mistborn said:

Play a little coy, but also be obvious that you're crushing. Don't be afraid to sneak glances all the time.

On this part I’ll say boys are often very bad at picking up cues. Often for us it’s hard to tell when girls are just being “girly” and flirting/messing with a guy or if they have a crush. (This is at least true for me and most of my guy friends.)

[The Paradoxical Phenomenon he/him]

5 minutes ago, Lightweaver2 said:

On this part I’ll say boys are often very bad at picking up cues. Often for us it’s hard to tell when girls are just being “girly” and flirting/messing with a guy or if they have a crush. (This is at least true for me and most of my guy friends.)

This is so true. 
Then when I’m pretty sure she is hinting I think like that one soundbite “oh no, this can’t be” 

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

10 minutes ago, Lightweaver2 said:

On this part I’ll say boys are often very bad at picking up cues. Often for us it’s hard to tell when girls are just being “girly” and flirting/messing with a guy or if they have a crush. (This is at least true for me and most of my guy friends.)

That's what I was trying to get at. We don't speak the same language as the opposite gender, so you have to be very clear.

@Thaidakar the Ghostblood

I don't think it's that great a response, but thank you.

Edited December 24, 2023 by Lego Mistborn

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

3 minutes ago, The Paradoxical Phenomenon said:

This is so true. 
Then when I’m pretty sure she is hinting I think like that one soundbite “oh no, this can’t be” 

Exactly!!!!

1 minute ago, Lego Mistborn said:

That's what I was trying to get at. We don't speak the same language as the opposite gender, so you have to be very clear.

 This.

[The Aspiring Archivist any]

But also like... Why don't people just say it?

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

15 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

But also like... Why don't people just say it?

Because we're all wimps and never want to say it outright because of irrational fears.

[The Paradoxical Phenomenon he/him]

Just now, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Because we're all wimps and never want to say it outright because of irrational fears.

Literally 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Just now, The Paradoxical Phenomenon said:

Literally 

Yeah!

I'm mainly describing myself here, though- So keep that in mind lol.

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

20 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Because we're all wimps and never want to say it outright because of irrational fears.

Pretty sure you’re describing most of the population.

[Immortal Platypus]

59 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

But also like... Why don't people just say it?

cuz girls are scary

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

5 hours ago, Immortal Platypus said:

cuz girls are scary

Amen, brother, amen..

But seriously, this is the reasoning behind every awkward thing a guy has said to a girl.