The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[Ravenclawjedi42]

So I have these friends, and I think one of them likes the other (and maybe vice versa, too), but I’m not certain, and I want them both to be happy, obviously, but since we’re young I think that there’s no way it will last, and I don’t want our friend group to be altered in such a way as would happen if there was a romantic relationship within it, and I feel like it would be rude if got in their business at all, but I want to help them, but I wouldn’t even know what to do, so…

What should I do?

[Medium he/they]

13 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

Let's say that there was an experience involving a friend a few years ago that caused some definite anxiety issues last year and so you had some therapy for it last year and it got better.

But then a new thing happened this year with people you don't even know. And now these anxiety issues are starting to come back but less extreme and only when you run into this person without any prior notice that they would be there. And those sort of accidental run-ins aren't anything that can be avoided so.... 

Like what are you supposed to do?

Because you don't want to do anything that could be taken as rude or mean but you're worried you might accidentally due to said anxiety issues.

Hmm.

I'd talk to a trusted friend about it, and possibly have them act as a third party if talking to the person directly won't go well. Someone you absolutely and completely trust to be there for you.

Just now, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

So I have these friends, and I think one of them likes the other (and maybe vice versa, too), but I’m not certain, and I want them both to be happy, obviously, but since we’re young I think that there’s no way it will last, and I don’t want our friend group to be altered in such a way as would happen if there was a romantic relationship within it, and I feel like it would be rude if got in their business at all, but I want to help them, but I wouldn’t even know what to do, so…

What should I do?

Oh gosh I hate these situations ;-;

I suggest you pay really really close attention and be supportive of whatever comes of that situation. Change is scary, but sometimes inevitable, especially in a three-way frienship where two members have feelings for each other-

Just be attentive, supportive, and try to be ready for just about anything.

[Ravenclawjedi42]

Just now, CalanoCorvus said:

Hmm.

I'd talk to a trusted friend about it, and possibly have them act as a third party if talking to the person directly won't go well. Someone you absolutely and completely trust to be there for you.

Oh gosh I hate these situations ;-;

I suggest you pay really really close attention and be supportive of whatever comes of that situation. Change is scary, but sometimes inevitable, especially in a three-way frienship where two members have feelings for each other-

Just be attentive, supportive, and try to be ready for just about anything.

Yeah. I’ll try. I always found it kind of weird what books are always saying about change, but…it makes sense. Too much sense.

[Medium he/they]

3 minutes ago, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

Yeah. I’ll try. I always found it kind of weird what books are always saying about change, but…it makes sense. Too much sense.

Yup.

[The Aspiring Archivist any]

Mr. Corvus,

How does one make friends? More importantly, how does one make friends that one can talk to about feelings and stuff?

Respectfully,

The Aspiring Archivist

[Medium he/they]

8 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Mr. Corvus,

How does one make friends? More importantly, how does one make friends that one can talk to about feelings and stuff?

Respectfully,

The Aspiring Archivist

Find people who share common interests, hobbies, ways of life, anything. Get to talking with them about these things. Find out other things about them. Become friends. You’ll know when you can talk to them about big things.

[The Aspiring Archivist any]

1 minute ago, CalanoCorvus said:

Find people who share common interests, hobbies, ways of life, anything. Get to talking with them about these things. Find out other things about them. Become friends. You’ll know when you can talk to them about big things.

I mean, I talk to people about stuff all the time. I maybe have some friends in school at the moment, but it all just generally stays contained within school. It's been like this for well over a year now... I don't know.

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

So I would put this into a SU for advice, but I have reasons not to right now. 

I was wondering if there is a way to get a classmates number....

I know their school email, but I'm a chicken about these things. Any ideas?

[Ravenclawjedi42]

4 minutes ago, SmilingPanda19 said:

So I would put this into a SU for advice, but I have reasons not to right now. 

I was wondering if there is a way to get a classmates number....

I know their school email, but I'm a chicken about these things. Any ideas?

My advice, unauthorized by the Corvus: end up in a group project with them. And then get everyone in the groups chat’s numbers for working outside of class.

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

Just now, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

My advice, unauthorized by the Corvus: end up in a group project with them. And then get everyone in the groups chat’s numbers for working outside of class.

I LITERALLY GOT INTO A GROUP WITH HIM, BUT WE FINISHED IT IN CLASS SOMEHOW-

*scream* I TRIED SO HARD- I VOLUNTEERED AS TRIBUTE- 

[The Aspiring Archivist any]

17 minutes ago, SmilingPanda19 said:

I LITERALLY GOT INTO A GROUP WITH HIM, BUT WE FINISHED IT IN CLASS SOMEHOW-

*scream* I TRIED SO HARD- I VOLUNTEERED AS TRIBUTE- 

Aww.

How about this: come up with some convoluted thing to do to a long number, demonstrate it with your phone number, then say it works for all phone numbers and ask for his to prove it.

Spoiler

Don't take this advice. This is bad advice.

 

Edited October 10, 2023 by The Aspiring Archivist

[Immortal Platypus]

1 hour ago, SmilingPanda19 said:

So I would put this into a SU for advice, but I have reasons not to right now. 

I was wondering if there is a way to get a classmates number....

I know their school email, but I'm a chicken about these things. Any ideas?

do you spend time around him (and other mutual friends)? If so, sometime when ya'll go do something cool, get a picture and get everyone's numbers to send it to them. Then you'll have his number.

Spoiler

for legal purposes, I cannot attest to the viability of this approach.

 

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

1 hour ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

Aww.

How about this: come up with some convoluted thing to do to a long number, demonstrate it with your phone number, then say it works for all phone numbers and ask for his to prove it.

  Hide contents

Don't take this advice. This is bad advice.

 

As a guy, I can affirm that, so long as he's a little nerdy or otherwise goofy, it will work fabulous.

Spoiler

You have to, have to, make sure he has the right personality

 

[That1Cellist he/him]

Calano Corvus,

What do I do if grinjesklsgnv;elsgnverasigbveans'dofk;lcemrieuh;eoarisgjkmvrtsu;odlfgknjfc,efiso;fifglubhndfskjlgfl,kvgjdiulggkjmigrlskjdfgxkgherislkgheils agagagggaagagaagagagagaagag grnugnldsjgenfasilgdkferjsgsdfasdfers

Sincerely,

That1Cellist

[Medium he/they]

21 minutes ago, That1Cellist said:

Calano Corvus,

What do I do if grinjesklsgnv;elsgnverasigbveans'dofk;lcemrieuh;eoarisgjkmvrtsu;odlfgknjfc,efiso;fifglubhndfskjlgfl,kvgjdiulggkjmigrlskjdfgxkgherislkgheils agagagggaagagaagagagagaagag grnugnldsjgenfasilgdkferjsgsdfasdfers

Sincerely,

That1Cellist

I would say it’s a good idea to hwyzhzhahqnslfkabqvduwbwbdh.

[Immortal Platypus]

2 minutes ago, CalanoCorvus said:

I would say it’s a good idea to hwyzhzhahqnslfkabqvduwbwbdh.

in general, that's good life advice

[The Unknown Order he/him]

1 hour ago, Being of Cacophony said:

in general, that's good life advice

Well, it's also never a bad idea to usjxijbshwbanekkz.

[Immortal Platypus]

19 minutes ago, The Known Novel said:

Well, it's also never a bad idea to usjxijbshwbanekkz.

but it's usually better to giahpojesbinzbpu

[Edema Rue she/her]

9 hours ago, CalanoCorvus said:

This is still open guys I've learned more in the past few months.

Calano, friend, brother, good sir...

What on earth am I doing? 

<3 Rue

ps: what do I do if there's a girl's choice dance coming up and I want to go, but...humans?

 

[Immortal Platypus]

1 minute ago, Edema Rue said:

Calano, friend, brother, good sir...

What on earth am I doing? 

<3 Rue

ps: what do I do if there's a girl's choice dance coming up and I want to go, but...humans?

 

that is a good question. imma steal it. what do I do if there's a guy's choice dance coming up but humans are scary, and I don't know who to ask, and I don't even know if I want to go cause i don't know what they're like?

[shortcake they/him/her]

CALANOOOOOOO

so

you know how i posted an SU earlier about being asked out? so, it turns out that they did it as a joke. but I already told them that I like them, and it's not like i can say that that was a joke, too, so now it's gonna be really, really awkward for me... because i see them during almost all of my passing periods, i sit with them at lunch (sometimes)

and i mean, i knew they liked me last year for real, and the feeling was mutual, but i can't tell if their feelings are still the same

idk what to doooo

[Lego Mistborn he/him]

They may be playing it off as a joke because they're still shy.

Talk to them, maybe they'll be okay giving it a shot, even if they aren't actively crushing on you, and then you can impress them.

[The Sibling she/her]

Hi! I have a question for literally anyone who has ever asked someone out before.

Umm. How. What. How. And when. And where. And how. Also help.

[The cheeseman Sola Scriptora]

1 minute ago, The Sibling said:

Hi! I have a question for literally anyone who has ever asked someone out before.

Be blunt. Make your intentions clear. Don't say "Do you wanna hang out sometime?" because that does not clearly communicate your intention of asking that person out on a date. Something like, "Hey, I think you're really [insert compliment]. Would you like to go on a date sometime?" gets the message across very bluntly. As for when and where, if they're a fan of games, a game cafe is a good place for a first date. I would say have a general idea of what this person does and does not like, in order for you to better be able to plan a date. Lastly, ask them out within a week of realizing you want to do so. You can wait for a good opening, but one may not present itself. If there is not an opportunity to ask them out in a smooth way, do it bluntly.

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

[The Sibling she/her]

19 minutes ago, The cheeseman said:

Be blunt. Make your intentions clear. Don't say "Do you wanna hang out sometime?" because that does not clearly communicate your intention of asking that person out on a date. Something like, "Hey, I think you're really [insert compliment]. Would you like to go on a date sometime?" gets the message across very bluntly. As for when and where, if they're a fan of games, a game cafe is a good place for a first date. I would say have a general idea of what this person does and does not like, in order for you to better be able to plan a date. Lastly, ask them out within a week of realizing you want to do so. You can wait for a good opening, but one may not present itself. If there is not an opportunity to ask them out in a smooth way, do it bluntly.

 

That both makes sense and is unbelievably terrifying. But whatever. I'll do it tomorrow hopefully.