The Relationship Advice Thread, by Dr. Calano

[The cheeseman Sola Scriptora]

6 minutes ago, The Sibling said:

and is unbelievably terrifying.

I get it. When I asked my girlfriend out the first time, I was so scared she would say no that I powered my phone off, plugged it in, and went on a walk for an hour.

[Tea Leaf]

On 10/10/2023 at 11:29 PM, shortcake said:

CALANOOOOOOO

so

you know how i posted an SU earlier about being asked out? so, it turns out that they did it as a joke. but I already told them that I like them, and it's not like i can say that that was a joke, too, so now it's gonna be really, really awkward for me... because i see them during almost all of my passing periods, i sit with them at lunch (sometimes)

and i mean, i knew they liked me last year for real, and the feeling was mutual, but i can't tell if their feelings are still the same

idk what to doooo

A bit late to the show with some of these. Playing off as a joke is a defensive tactic if they feel nervous about asking you out, then again it could just be a joke, though they have shown interest in you in the past so you have that going for you, though it is a year back so...

Use a few of these (if you want):

1. Ask their friends about it
2. Directly ask them about it
3. Wait if they ever refute the statement of joking or ask you out again
4. Do they speak/act differently in your presence
   1. I hear this is a thing
5. Ask them out

16 hours ago, The Sibling said:

Hi! I have a question for literally anyone who has ever asked someone out before.

Umm. How. What. How. And when. And where. And how. Also help.

Okay late again. 

1. How:
   1. Be a bit flashy, but not too much, don't scare them
   2. Do it mildly privately, not too much, in sight of a few people that are mutual friends but not in the middle of a conversation
   3. Make them feel safe saying yes or no.
2. What:
   1. ...
   2. Having a few flowers, not many or large ones are nice
   3. Wear something of at least decent quality, avoid ripped clothes
   4. Don't dress overly formal
3. When:
   1. When neither of you seem too stressed
   2. Don't do it on the edge of tears for either of you
   3. Hopefully when neither of you are in active relationships
   4. Do it quickly
   5. At the end, but not the total end of something
4. Where
   1. Somewhere both of you know, and feel comfortable
   2. Public, but not too public
   3. DO NOT ISOLATE THEM MILES FROM CIVILIZATION THEN CONFESS A HIDDEN LOVE, WHATSOEVER, THIS IS A REALLY BAD IDEA.
5. Help:
   1. This is going to be hard
   2. Just typing about it makes my stomach go in knots
   3. Most meaningful thing I can say is good luck

First date location:

1. Ask them where they like to hang out
2. Make sure not to schedule a date where they work, this sounds like a good idea, but is a pretty bad one for the first date, now if you don't know where they work and you end up there... 
3. If they are vague on #1 try to find a place you have an overlapping interest at
4. Do you know their favorite type of food or restaurant? Try there.
5. If everything else fails my personal ideas for first dates for Book Lovers are Bookstores, Cafes, Libraries, & Musical Locations
6. I think I am starting to plan my weekend here, but... if you are the type of person who enjoys Ren Fairs you should try to go with them

Show up looking moderately formal, but do not go all out unless you both agree on it.

Avoid sending mixed messages: Random cancels, avoiding them, Being closed off, etc. these will play against you.

Report back with how it goes.

[Anguished_One she/her]

*takes a deep breath*

I have a crush on my best friend's brother!

He is super sweet and always acts differently around me than anyone else.

All my friends say he probably likes me too, but I'm not sure and am Terrified  of making things awkward!

Help!

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

48 minutes ago, Just-A-Stick said:

*takes a deep breath*

I have a crush on my best friend's brother!

He is super sweet and always acts differently around me than anyone else.

All my friends say he probably likes me too, but I'm not sure and am Terrified  of making things awkward!

Help!

Dude….. I’m so tempted to have my own little story time. I’ll save that tho unless anyone wants to hear about the Pandas love life.

My Advice:

1. Check if your bestie is okay with it, choose which you value more. Their brothers love or their love? Who comes first? Decide that yourself.

2. Try and figure out if they would be open to dating you

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

3 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

*takes a deep breath*

I have a crush on my best friend's brother!

He is super sweet and always acts differently around me than anyone else.

All my friends say he probably likes me too, but I'm not sure and am Terrified  of making things awkward!

Help!

I will try to offer my advice. Listen to Panda, she’s smart.
That’s it.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

4 hours ago, SmilingPanda19 said:

Dude….. I’m so tempted to have my own little story time. I’ll save that tho unless anyone wants to hear about the Pandas love life.

 

Always ready for storytime!
*gets popcorn*

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

5 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Always ready for storytime!
*gets popcorn*

I’ve told Sasha and stuff about my lil’ love life but I don’t think I’ve told you. Some people know bits and pieces, but… XD

[Anguished_One she/her]

Thanks for the advice.  

I want to be here for story time!

*steals a handful of popcorn*

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

I agree, I want story time.

*pops popcorn, starts eating it before the show starts*

Spoiler

I get these things are personal though, so don’t be pressured to share if you don’t want.

 

 

Edited November 26, 2023 by Lightweaver2

[The cheeseman Sola Scriptora]

Aw, now I want real popcorn!

*gets digital popcorn and lounges on a recliner, waiting for the story*

[Anguished_One she/her]

*steals everyones popcorn and waits eagerly*

*thinks its taking too long*

@SmilingPanda19

We Wanths A tory!

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

1 minute ago, Just-A-Stick said:

*steals everyones popcorn and waits eagerly*

*thinks its taking too long*

@SmilingPanda19

We Wanths A tory!

*pops more than enough popcorn to share with everyone*

*waits*

[Anguished_One she/her]

*waits*

[Aeoryi she/her]

Okay people of this place

I have come here for help

I have a very short list of friends right now

I have one who's going places, they've taken, like, AP exams and stuff and are really nice

And my other friend is essentially a toxic internet troll in real life

So I really need help on how to make more friends. How does one do so? Helppp

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

 

1 hour ago, Ookla the Resolute said:

Okay people of this place

I have come here for help

I have a very short list of friends right now

I have one who's going places, they've taken, like, AP exams and stuff and are really nice

And my other friend is essentially a toxic internet troll in real life

So I really need help on how to make more friends. How does one do so? Helppp

I’ll be your friend

 But in all seriousness, I have also had a time with very few friends (I might be going back there too, we’ll see). I found  it helpful to join a club (in my case, band) that was filled with some people I felt I could be myself around. It helped, although I still don’t have many irl friends, I have some and that’s enough.

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

Settle down children, I’ll do story time soon. I need to go to church quick and then I’ll tell you.

*pops popcorn*

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

Okay story time about Panda’s very slow love life:

About 5-6 years ago I moved to a fun little town in Virginia. After about two or three months of us living there my parents found out that old friends from high school lived there as well. About 20 minutes from our house is where they lived.

They had five kids. (Elijah, Salem, Aaron, Rocco, and Mary)

Of those five kids one was my little brothers age, one was my little sisters age, and one was my age. After we met them over at their big farm and crazy house we started visiting them every once in a while. We all got really close and we constantly asked about: When are we going to see the *last name*’s again? 
After about a year of that summer rolled around and the guy my age: Aaron: found out I liked to write. I told him all about my ideas and books and nonsense, and he really liked it too. That summer we zoom called in our rooms every single day for at least an hour in the afternoon. We wrote together and it was awesome for the whole summer. He never forgot my birthday or anything and he was the best.

We then found out we were moving. It was a very sad time. We saw them the last day before we moved and he gave me a little bracelet and a book before I left. I moved away and settled into my new home and about two weeks after we moved in I got a letter.

It was a love letter, a confession if you will. Now at the time I wasn’t even a teenager yet, and this surprised me. I panicked and immediately called him and the best answer I could give was: I don’t know, I’m not ready.

I have repeatedly beat myself up for loosing that letter, I wish I could remember the exact words he wrote.

About two and a half years fly by and I find myself thinking about it again. I slowly find myself thinking about him more and more. In those two and a half years we’ve visited them and stayed at their house and stuff, but this was never brought up again.

During this fall he came up to visit with his family for dinner and I mentioned the letter very quickly to his older sister, Salem, who I would trust with my life. At that point she gets the hint, she understands and it makes me feel a bit better about it.

After about 8 months of thinking, brewing, and dropping hints to him I finally bring it up over text. I told him I remembered the letter. We talked for a bit, and it was nice to finally have a real conversation with him. He loves all the things I do and he is just incredible. 

I talked with him for a while and the reality he brought up was: He was some stupid kid who didn’t know what he was doing: which well, hurt me a lot I guess. And he said: I’m actually getting close with a friend of mine, so you don’t have to worry that I might like you anymore. He seemed to get the impression that I was worried he still liked me and I left him hanging. With those facts, I don’t really know what to tell him anymore. He’s got someone else, and he doesn’t care anymore. I mean I think it’s stupid of me to have expected him to wait for me or even want to date me I guess. I mean we’ve known each other for maybe 5 to 6 some years. I really like him, I just don’t know what to tell him now. Do I just wait more? Maybe a few months? A year? A few years? It’s not like I haven’t waited years and months already. What do I say? Do I really want to anger some possible girlfriend? What is there to say?

Thats the current update on the Pandas love life. That’s pretty much the whole story. Any questions? XD

@Ookla the foolish @Just-A-Stick

Edited November 26, 2023 by Ookla the Yellow Sock

[Weaver of Lies he/him]

34 minutes ago, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

Okay story time about Panda’s very slow love life:

About 5-6 years ago I moved to a fun little town in Virginia. After about two or three months of us living there my parents found out that old friends from high school lived there as well. About 20 minutes from our house is where they lived.

They had five kids. (Elijah, Salem, Aaron, Rocco, and Mary)

Of those five kids one was my little brothers age, one was my little sisters age, and one was my age. After we met them over at their big farm and crazy house we started visiting them every once in a while. We all got really close and we constantly asked about: When are we going to see the *last name*’s again? 
After about a year of that summer rolled around and the guy my age: Aaron: found out I liked to write. I told him all about my ideas and books and nonsense, and he really liked it too. That summer we zoom called in our rooms every single day for at least an hour in the afternoon. We wrote together and it was awesome for the whole summer. He never forgot my birthday or anything and he was the best.

We then found out we were moving. It was a very sad time. We saw them the last day before we moved and he gave me a little bracelet and a book before I left. I moved away and settled into my new home and about two weeks after we moved in I got a letter.

It was a love letter, a confession if you will. Now at the time I wasn’t even a teenager yet, and this surprised me. I panicked and immediately called him and the best answer I could give was: I don’t know, I’m not ready.

I have repeatedly beat myself up for loosing that letter, I wish I could remember the exact words he wrote.

About two and a half years fly by and I find myself thinking about it again. I slowly find myself thinking about him more and more. In those two and a half years we’ve visited them and stayed at their house and stuff, but this was never brought up again.

During this fall he came up to visit with his family for dinner and I mentioned the letter very quickly to his older sister, Salem, who I would trust with my life. At that point she gets the hint, she understands and it makes me feel a bit better about it.

After about 8 months of thinking, brewing, and dropping hints to him I finally bring it up over text. I told him I remembered the letter. We talked for a bit, and it was nice to finally have a real conversation with him. He loves all the things I do and he is just incredible. 

I talked with him for a while and the reality he brought up was: He was some stupid kid who didn’t know what he was doing: which well, hurt me a lot I guess. And he said: I’m actually getting close with a friend of mine, so you don’t have to worry that I might like you anymore. He seemed to get the impression that I was worried he still liked me and I left him hanging. With those facts, I don’t really know what to tell him anymore. He’s got someone else, and he doesn’t care anymore. I mean I think it’s stupid of me to have expected him to wait for me or even want to date me I guess. I mean we’ve known each other for maybe 5 to 6 some years. I really like him, I just don’t know what to tell him now. Do I just wait more? Maybe a few months? A year? A few years? It’s not like I haven’t waited years and months already. What do I say? Do I really want to anger some possible girlfriend? What is there to say?

Thats the current update on the Pandas love life. That’s pretty much the whole story. Any questions? XD

@Ookla the foolish @Just-A-Stick

I’m so sorry Panda. Relationships are hard (you’ve seen that I can at least understand that from my SU), and I’m not really one to give advice on this, but I’m here if you need to talk about it or just someone to talk to. *hugs*

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

Okay story time about Panda’s very slow love life:

About 5-6 years ago I moved to a fun little town in Virginia. After about two or three months of us living there my parents found out that old friends from high school lived there as well. About 20 minutes from our house is where they lived.

They had five kids. (Elijah, Salem, Aaron, Rocco, and Mary)

Of those five kids one was my little brothers age, one was my little sisters age, and one was my age. After we met them over at their big farm and crazy house we started visiting them every once in a while. We all got really close and we constantly asked about: When are we going to see the *last name*’s again? 
After about a year of that summer rolled around and the guy my age: Aaron: found out I liked to write. I told him all about my ideas and books and nonsense, and he really liked it too. That summer we zoom called in our rooms every single day for at least an hour in the afternoon. We wrote together and it was awesome for the whole summer. He never forgot my birthday or anything and he was the best.

We then found out we were moving. It was a very sad time. We saw them the last day before we moved and he gave me a little bracelet and a book before I left. I moved away and settled into my new home and about two weeks after we moved in I got a letter.

It was a love letter, a confession if you will. Now at the time I wasn’t even a teenager yet, and this surprised me. I panicked and immediately called him and the best answer I could give was: I don’t know, I’m not ready.

I have repeatedly beat myself up for loosing that letter, I wish I could remember the exact words he wrote.

About two and a half years fly by and I find myself thinking about it again. I slowly find myself thinking about him more and more. In those two and a half years we’ve visited them and stayed at their house and stuff, but this was never brought up again.

During this fall he came up to visit with his family for dinner and I mentioned the letter very quickly to his older sister, Salem, who I would trust with my life. At that point she gets the hint, she understands and it makes me feel a bit better about it.

After about 8 months of thinking, brewing, and dropping hints to him I finally bring it up over text. I told him I remembered the letter. We talked for a bit, and it was nice to finally have a real conversation with him. He loves all the things I do and he is just incredible. 

I talked with him for a while and the reality he brought up was: He was some stupid kid who didn’t know what he was doing: which well, hurt me a lot I guess. And he said: I’m actually getting close with a friend of mine, so you don’t have to worry that I might like you anymore. He seemed to get the impression that I was worried he still liked me and I left him hanging. With those facts, I don’t really know what to tell him anymore. He’s got someone else, and he doesn’t care anymore. I mean I think it’s stupid of me to have expected him to wait for me or even want to date me I guess. I mean we’ve known each other for maybe 5 to 6 some years. I really like him, I just don’t know what to tell him now. Do I just wait more? Maybe a few months? A year? A few years? It’s not like I haven’t waited years and months already. What do I say? Do I really want to anger some possible girlfriend? What is there to say?

Thats the current update on the Pandas love life. That’s pretty much the whole story. Any questions? XD

@Ookla the foolish @Just-A-Stick

*hugs*

I think he assumed you were worried about it because, well, that's what guys would do, I think. It's what I've done time and time again, as I've told you. Naturally, he assumed what he would think of as the logical answer and just went along with it.

*more hugs* Idk what advice to give beyond being friendly and chatting about stuff if possible, make it an option. If he breaks up with the potential girlfriend, I recommend not immediately going forward. That's about as much as I can offer as I have little to no experience in this sort of thing... Some, but that's mostly from what I've heard from other people, come to with logic and know from books (with a grain of salt for that last one, of course.)

Mostly.

But that's a story for another time.

Anyways.

*more giant hugs* I hope it goes well with him, somehow! I can see potentially this going well, but then again, from what you've said, it could go pretty much anywhere, depending on a few variables such as amount of contact between the two of you, that potential girlfriend, and to whet levels he is an idiot. Yes, being an idiot is important. I almost typed out an essay on why that's important, but then I realized how ridiculous it sounded-

*hugs*

[Anguished_One she/her]

9 hours ago, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

Okay story time about Panda’s very slow love life:

About 5-6 years ago I moved to a fun little town in Virginia. After about two or three months of us living there my parents found out that old friends from high school lived there as well. About 20 minutes from our house is where they lived.

They had five kids. (Elijah, Salem, Aaron, Rocco, and Mary)

Of those five kids one was my little brothers age, one was my little sisters age, and one was my age. After we met them over at their big farm and crazy house we started visiting them every once in a while. We all got really close and we constantly asked about: When are we going to see the *last name*’s again? 
After about a year of that summer rolled around and the guy my age: Aaron: found out I liked to write. I told him all about my ideas and books and nonsense, and he really liked it too. That summer we zoom called in our rooms every single day for at least an hour in the afternoon. We wrote together and it was awesome for the whole summer. He never forgot my birthday or anything and he was the best.

We then found out we were moving. It was a very sad time. We saw them the last day before we moved and he gave me a little bracelet and a book before I left. I moved away and settled into my new home and about two weeks after we moved in I got a letter.

It was a love letter, a confession if you will. Now at the time I wasn’t even a teenager yet, and this surprised me. I panicked and immediately called him and the best answer I could give was: I don’t know, I’m not ready.

I have repeatedly beat myself up for loosing that letter, I wish I could remember the exact words he wrote.

About two and a half years fly by and I find myself thinking about it again. I slowly find myself thinking about him more and more. In those two and a half years we’ve visited them and stayed at their house and stuff, but this was never brought up again.

During this fall he came up to visit with his family for dinner and I mentioned the letter very quickly to his older sister, Salem, who I would trust with my life. At that point she gets the hint, she understands and it makes me feel a bit better about it.

After about 8 months of thinking, brewing, and dropping hints to him I finally bring it up over text. I told him I remembered the letter. We talked for a bit, and it was nice to finally have a real conversation with him. He loves all the things I do and he is just incredible. 

I talked with him for a while and the reality he brought up was: He was some stupid kid who didn’t know what he was doing: which well, hurt me a lot I guess. And he said: I’m actually getting close with a friend of mine, so you don’t have to worry that I might like you anymore. He seemed to get the impression that I was worried he still liked me and I left him hanging. With those facts, I don’t really know what to tell him anymore. He’s got someone else, and he doesn’t care anymore. I mean I think it’s stupid of me to have expected him to wait for me or even want to date me I guess. I mean we’ve known each other for maybe 5 to 6 some years. I really like him, I just don’t know what to tell him now. Do I just wait more? Maybe a few months? A year? A few years? It’s not like I haven’t waited years and months already. What do I say? Do I really want to anger some possible girlfriend? What is there to say?

Thats the current update on the Pandas love life. That’s pretty much the whole story. Any questions? XD

@Ookla the foolish @Just-A-Stick

one question. would you like hugs?

*offers many many hugs*

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

4 minutes ago, Just-A-Stick said:

one question. would you like hugs?

*offers many many hugs*

XD my love life is so so slow and hopeless

[Anguished_One she/her]

Just now, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

XD my love life is so so slow and hopeless

Not gonna lie, sister, totally feel the same way. *sighs longingly*  

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

XD my love life is so so slow and hopeless

I just... Don't have one

[SmilingPanda19 she/her]

5 minutes ago, Just-A-Stick said:

Not gonna lie, sister, totally feel the same way. *sighs longingly*  

Haven’t had my first kiss yet. *sighhhhh*

Never even romantically held someone’s hand.

Edited November 27, 2023 by Ookla the Yellow Sock

[Anguished_One she/her]

6 minutes ago, Ookla the Yellow Sock said:

Haven’t had my first kiss yet. *sighhhhh*

Never even romantically held someone’s hand.

Same! *high five*