InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 10, 2023 Report Share Posted April 10, 2023 So um when I have panic attacks one of the things that I do especially during school is start writing things which normally end up being poems. And I like showing them to some people but also there are people who if I show them to will just end up giving me another panic attack. Accidentally of course but still. And I would like to show them to more people in person than I currently feel I can but until I can I'm just gonna put them here. One of these was in a SU I posted a little while ago. Spoiler What if I finally found Peace? Stability? Safety? It feels silly But I can pretend Right? And what if It was beautiful? What if I felt Beautiful? What if I had Enough space To breathe? And everything I Ever wanted? What if It All Came Crashing Down On Top Of ME? And when you Found me All that was left Was a girl Broken? Bruised? Bleeding? Trapped In what once was Paradise? What would you Do? What would you Think? And what if I told you It's already happening? That everyday I wake up Hopeful? Safe? Home? But over the course of Hours Minutes Seconds It All Crashes Down On me? And after The crash I'm not sure If what I see In the mirror Is still me. But it is. Just a more Broken Bruised Me. I'm trapped in a Fake paradise. Where Nothing Lasts. And I'm Not certain I want to Leave. Because if I leave Will there Be a Real one? Spoiler Crashing Pulling Tides Waves Too tall Sinking Drowning Slipping Gone Spoiler If I stopped Eating Wouldn't it Run out of energy? If I felt more Pain Wouldn't I Be too distracted To notice? If I slow down Won't it Catch up? If I let it in Won't it Destroy me? If I let you Carry it Won't it Destroy you too? Spoiler One bright spotlight Shines on a single performer One performer Who's become so lost in the movement They forgot about the crowd One big crowd Holding their breath Entranced by the music, lights, dance One little girl Struck to the core By the grace, sound, lights One little girl Steps into a studio For the first time The first leap And everything feels right One microphone Carries a singer's magnificent sound One singer so lost in the notes They don't realize they're singing One crowd Shivers as the sound reaches Their ears and hearts One little girl A little older and wiser Finds peace and rest in the sound One little girl Picks up her first tune Sings the first notes And falls in love One instrument Producing millions of Pinpoints of color from a single breath One musician Stares at a page full of lines and dots Looking past the ink And finding the music One auditorium Full of sound For all who come to hear And color For all who hear and Look close enough to see One girl Older and wiser than The little girl she used to be Smiles as color Floats Through the air One girl Picks up a flute And breathes Filling the air with Little bits of color That fill her heart with joy One speech Written to entertain, To fill the air with Something new One speaker Makes the words of the speech Their own Adds movement To invite One girl Falling Forgetting Secretly watches Noting every movement Hoping for an opportunity To bring a smile With just her words One little girl Who grew and changed Until she could barely recognize herself Looks at Dancing shoes Notes Dots Lines Instruments Words And remembers Joy Peace Happiness Flying Tears fill her eyes And longing fills her soul She stares as memories Float through her mind The performer, singer, musican, and speaker Who all unknowingly saved her One single photo Reminds the girl Of the people Who didn't Stand in a spotlight On a stage But who knew Of the waves Crashing through her mind Causing destruction Everywhere they went Who saw a need And reached out With a smile To save her From drowning Spoiler Set!” This thing in my hand This strip of fabric The strip of silk Taped to a pole It seems together Perfect But my thoughts tumble A chaotic mess This a performance I need to focus One mistake, Another follows On the outside, beautiful Held together the flag It spins. It flies Relying on me To catch to throw In my thoughts Where people can’t see can’t hear Everything is breaking Every thought spins Every thought flies But I can’t catch them I can’t throw them Dodging instruments Find the dot Spin the flag Throw Catch Everything seems to meet To the listeners The watchers Perfect Harmonies Perfect Visuals To the performer Chaos Mistakes But yeah. There they are. And hopefully having them here will do something. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue she/her Posted April 10, 2023 Report Share Posted April 10, 2023 (edited) Ah I hate being out of rep! Those are beautiful! I can totally relate to the ones about performing. Writing is one of the best ways to calm down. I hope you feel a little better because of it! Edited April 10, 2023 by Aes Sedai 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard he/him Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 I'll say it again. These are all incredible! And it's fine if you aren't quite ready to show them to those around you quite yet. I only recently showed my mom Shatter Me and it was hard. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
That1Cellist he/him Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 The thing that I really like about this style of writing is the ability it gives you to emphasize words and phrases in a very unique way. It makes every line hit that much harder and makes it more personal to the reader. In a lot of ways, it allows you to say more things with less words. The careful selection of the words you've used allows you to evoke a feeling that both portrays how you feel, but also gives the reader their own unique feeling and interpretation of it. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's beautiful, and I hope that you will share more with us! Ummm... also, are you okay? Is there something I can do? I'm always willing to lend an ear. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Magi she/her Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 These are so beautiful, I love the writing style you've used. It gives the words sort of a rhythm to them in the way you space them out. I don't know if I've ever read something like this before (granted I don't read a lot of poetry), and I think it's really cool. I hope you're doing okay 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittles he/him Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 Wow those are amazing! The last stanza of the last one 16 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: To the listeners The watchers Perfect Harmonies Perfect Visuals To the performer Chaos Mistakes This is so good 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 11, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 Thank you! I wrote more. They were kind of fun to write despite the fact that I wasn't feeling the greatest when I wrote them. Spoiler This is the color that crashes through my mind causing mass destruction then leaves and all that's left is sorrow pain loneliness This is the color that I fear This is the color That leaves me second guessing This color may be my demise Spoiler There's a Very tiny Monster He hides Under My bed He's green And fuzzy With tiny Little wings He flits around My room At night And occupies The shadows And when I'm least Expecting it He sends Words To occupy My mind So as I try To fall asleep He laughs And laughs And laughs Then smiles His job is done The game is won And he'll be back Tomorrow Spoiler Dear little one, I know the world feels Harsh and cold And your feet feel Too heavy to lift I know it feels Like you can't go on And like it all will fall I know the pain of life And the pain in death I've seen you push on Despite the struggle And I've seen you fall Now I know that you Can't see me And you don't know My name You've never met me But I know you all the same I was told to watch you To see what I could learn But I didn't realize that There was so much I didn't know I know that things have been rough And I've seen how strong you've been I know you feel like giving up But I've also seen the good times And I've seen how far you've come I guess what I'm trying to say is Next time you feel like giving up Please choose to stay Because every day you're here And from every action you take I learn so much That I didn't get to before And I really want to stay So thanks You've got this I wish you the best of luck Yours truly and always The one outside your head 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue she/her Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 Wow. Those are awesome. The second two I felt a lot, and that third one made me get teary eyed. Keep writing! I'm sorry life isn't the best right now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard he/him Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 Woah. I really really really like the third one. It burns in my chest that it's true. Thank you for sharing these wonderful words. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittles he/him Posted April 11, 2023 Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 Your words is so good, thank you so much for sharing these! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 11, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2023 I have one more and then I'll be done today. Probably. Spoiler In the middle of March Two pianos were found On opposite sides of a room One was older And looked a little abused It played quite out of tune The other was newer Though not brand new And when you plunked On the keys The sound that was made Was perfect Or as perfect as pianos can be Those explorers who found it All quite agreed That the newer was better than old Well all but one that is And their voice piped up Quiet but bold "There is an important matter That I beg you to remember It most influential in your decision you see." Their voice grew a little For they knew what they spoke was the truth "When it comes down to tuning The weather has quiet the effect on the sound So this dreary mid March That one may be in tune But by the time we reach June it might not And while the other right now Can't quite make the right sound I bet when the other one fails This piano will be ready and able To pick up the tune and go on So the music will continue And it won't really matter Which looks nicer Or which one is carrying the tune." A momentary silence fell on the group As the pondered the words that were said Then with bright eyes and smiles A new decision was quickly made "Both pianos are perfect Or as perfect as pianos may be So it really doesn't matter which piano Carries the tune Or which lags a little behind Or which looks less used What matters is that The music goes on And they both help to carry the tune." The same could be said for people you know Some with bright shining faces Or brand new clothes Or thing that have been well loved Sometimes we like the pianos Move quite easily through our day While others are struggling To carry their loads and sing all their songs It's easy and right for us to reach put and help We can help carry their load and their tune. And when we falter and fall And we can't continue then tune There are others who'll reach out Gently and with care And help to carry ours too 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 13, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2023 Spoiler I just want to say Thank you For loving me Through all the pain For all the times You held on When I thought I would fall And you looked For my words When I couldn't Find them I’d also like to note That even if I never heard From you again Whenever I felt Like letting go I’d remember What you taught me There’s always Someone Who cares Spoiler One little leaf Fell to the ground Thinking nothing Would ruin its fall But the wind disagreed So with one giant gust The leaf flew away From its tree It went this way And that way And it couldn’t understand Why the wind would Break its fall As the turbulence Continued The poor little leaf Tried to think what it Could have done wrong But nothing came to mind It felt all alone As the wind pushed it on It bumped into All sorts of things But nothing that seemed Like it Until it bumped Another leaf And was spun All around It glanced as it spun And saw many more leaves Pushed around by the wind And when the wind died down The leaf found a little rest In the soft grass With its friends Just waiting Restless Till the wind would Take it again I don't think these are very good but they exist. And they're okay. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard he/him Posted April 14, 2023 Report Share Posted April 14, 2023 1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents I just want to say Thank you For loving me Through all the pain For all the times You held on When I thought I would fall And you looked For my words When I couldn't Find them I’d also like to note That even if I never heard From you again Whenever I felt Like letting go I’d remember What you taught me There’s always Someone Who cares Hide contents One little leaf Fell to the ground Thinking nothing Would ruin its fall But the wind disagreed So with one giant gust The leaf flew away From its tree It went this way And that way And it couldn’t understand Why the wind would Break its fall As the turbulence Continued The poor little leaf Tried to think what it Could have done wrong But nothing came to mind It felt all alone As the wind pushed it on It bumped into All sorts of things But nothing that seemed Like it Until it bumped Another leaf And was spun All around It glanced as it spun And saw many more leaves Pushed around by the wind And when the wind died down The leaf found a little rest In the soft grass With its friends Just waiting Restless Till the wind would Take it again I don't think these are very good but they exist. And they're okay. They are beautiful for the simple ideas that they carry. I have spoken. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 14, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2023 Spoiler There once was time Where the words Flowed freely And the phrases Had meaning But they decided To hide And they haven't Come back I'm starting to worry That they aren't Just hiding But really have been Stolen instead Or maybe I washed them away Whatever happened They're gone Spoiler Hot and then cold Broken but bold Exhausted and ready Dizzy but steady Spinning in spirals Pouring down But calm and reserved Still wearing a smile Quiet yet pleading Smiling and crying You can't see my pain You don't feel the flames But everything is burning Despite all the ice And no matter How still I remain I'll always be spinning Cause I took the blame 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2023 I found words! They were in a marker box. I'm terrified though that if I take them off of paper I'll lose them again. Light Purple Spoiler Dark Purple Spoiler Light Green Spoiler Dark Green Spoiler Light Blue Spoiler Ignore the weird scribbles and stuff. I found my words in a box of markers so sometimes I got distracted and started to play with markers. I'm gonna go start working on the warm colors. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortcake thr/eat Posted April 16, 2023 Report Share Posted April 16, 2023 i really like your idea of becoming aware of the representation of colors and what they mean to you! if you're okay with it, do you think maybe i could do something similar to this? i wouldn't copy you, of course. Spoiler don't feel like you need to say yes; it's your way of expression, and i don't want to take that away from you. so do whatever makes your feel the safest and most comfortable <3 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2023 11 hours ago, shortcake said: i really like your idea of becoming aware of the representation of colors and what they mean to you! if you're okay with it, do you think maybe i could do something similar to this? i wouldn't copy you, of course. Reveal hidden contents don't feel like you need to say yes; it's your way of expression, and i don't want to take that away from you. so do whatever makes your feel the safest and most comfortable <3 Of course! Light Pink Spoiler Red Spoiler Dark Pink Spoiler Orange Spoiler Yellow Spoiler Brown Spoiler Mint Spoiler I have at least a few more I want to write. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telrao she/her Posted April 17, 2023 Report Share Posted April 17, 2023 These are so good, Insa! I think you've put your marker on what those colours mean to me as well. Thank you for sharing these!! *throws muffins* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 17, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2023 Black Spoiler Gray (or Grey I guess) Spoiler I'm kind of sad that I ran out of the paper I was using before. But I have an idea I think I'm gonna see if my mother will take me to Walmart or somewhere (then I can get either cardstock or more painting paper to put it on) so I can buy one of those boxes with like 100 markers. And then I'm gonna start over and try to do something different with each color. I have one more poem I wrote today because I was kind of sad. Spoiler Sometimes I wish You never Had to leave But if you Never left You'd be stuck Watching me Struggle And not knowing What to do And it would Just mean That you Hurt too So I guess It's better That I have To miss you And pretend To be patient And I guess It makes Seeing you Even sweeter And exciting I'll try to Hold on to that So next time I miss you I'll remember Maybe No promises. But yeah. I'm excited to try the marker thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue she/her Posted April 17, 2023 Report Share Posted April 17, 2023 Awww those are awesome! I feel them so much, and they’re beautiful, that last one especially. Thank you! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 18, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2023 I'm going to attempt to make this work. It's probably going to take forever. The two crossed out are already done. 14 should be crossed out to but I was rushed cause it was lunch. #14 (it's the same as the light pink one I did earlier) Spoiler #34 Spoiler #50 Spoiler I'm really indecisive. Someone help me pick which one to do next. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard he/him Posted April 18, 2023 Report Share Posted April 18, 2023 6 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: I'm going to attempt to make this work. It's probably going to take forever. The two crossed out are already done. 14 should be crossed out to but I was rushed cause it was lunch. #14 (it's the same as the light pink one I did earlier) Reveal hidden contents #34 Reveal hidden contents #50 Reveal hidden contents I'm really indecisive. Someone help me pick which one to do next. Roll a d100? They are very good! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortcake thr/eat Posted April 18, 2023 Report Share Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said: I'm really indecisive. Someone help me pick which one to do next. do #27 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 19, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2023 #26 Spoiler #27 Spoiler I had to outline the words in black cause they were both really really really bright yellows. I did #100 but I have no access to a good camera until the morning. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity she/her Posted April 20, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2023 I'm in a weird mood today. Therefore my things are a little weird. #71 Spoiler #51 Spoiler #69 Spoiler #100 Spoiler And then there's this one. Spoiler I've tried To hold on Keep going Get back up Carry others Help them But despite all My best efforts It seems I'm Doomed to fail Because no matter How much Effort I put in Or how much I've somehow Managed to take There's always Something new And harder That the world finds To throw at me And each time I feel weaker I start to slip Start to drown And go under Feeling like It's not worth it To keep fighting And then someone Shows up And helps me Back up But I'm tired Running low On strength Barely Keeping my head Above the water 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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