What Happened in Portland

[Voidus]

Neverthere looked at the blood bursting from underneath her in surprise, one moment Numnums had been smashing through the streets and gotten himself a tasty snack, the next what had looked like a laser beam had cut through the chill night, severing the Allosaurs flesh and causing blood to spray all over the street.

Seemingly oblivious of the blood which was passing straight through her incorporeal projection, Neverthere looked to the man who was the source of the beams. She vaguely remembered seeing him when she was spying on Corpsemaker earlier that day, though she'd not noticed what his powers were then and none of the other members of the MEE had recognized the description. A newcomer then? Or perhaps just someone who had flown under the radar.

Either way, he just lost me my evenings entertainment and has now royally pissed me off.

Slapping an inane smile on her face Neverthere skipped through the pile of dinosaur blood and flesh towards the Epic.

"Hiya!" She said as she stopped a respectable distance away, enough to seem like she was wary of their powers "That wasn't very nice to poor mr. Numnums you know, he was just hungry being all cooped up with stuffy old Wardy all day and he wanted some fun."

She looked back at the Allosaurus as it twitched, blood pouring liberally onto the streets. Her grin slid from insane and childish to grim and murderous in an instant.

"And now you've gone and killed him so I have nothing to do. I loathe not having anything to do, so either you can try to find out how to entertain me or else I can find a way to entertain myself which will no doubt lead to Corpsemaker being reeeeeeeally angry with you guys. Or maybe I'll just go visit him directly" She said, shifting her projection around rapidly before appearing directly in front of the Epic "I hear he doesn't cope well against teleporters."

Edited March 19, 2015 by Voidus

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

 

"Quota, scaredy-cat! He's dead. Get out here, fool!" 

 

"I'm not a scaredy-cat!" Quota wasn't sure if Electro heard it or not, since the pink Epic had launched into a speech about ruining her night. No matter how often Quota reached for her emotions, he couldn't sense her. Not a thing. Just Electro—anger, irritation, and simmering aggression—and the far simpler, rapidly dimming fear of the enormous dinosaur. So the pink Epic was an illusionist, or an astral projector, or something else that didn't require her to be in the same room as her victims. Against her, he might as well be a sparking vanilla. 

 

Quota knew when he was beaten, and being confronted by a an incorporeal Epic hoping to avenge the death of her dinosaur was the very definition of beaten. Of course, he also knew a poor insult when he heard one, and if Electro could dish out childish insults, he could do one better. 

 

"What kind of Epic calls somebody a 'scaredy-cat,' anyhow? You're only brave on Opposite Day!" 

 

Before he or the pink Epic could protest—or, more likely, decide what sort of insult that was—Quota bolted from the dead dinosaur, jumping a fence in his mad dash for safety. 

 

 

Nighthound—Calamity's cupcake his face is horrible somebody should ruin it—raised a fist, shifting into what looked like a fighting stance. Of greater concern was the cloud of blood that formed into an array of sharp red darts, hovering around the dark-haired girl. 

 

"May I offer assistance?" The Unicyclist heard her words. He knew them for a threat. But he didn't care. He just wanted to destroy.  

 

But he had to begin with the darts. 

 

He raised his bagpipes and played a song. It wasn't a song he remembered learning, or even knowing for that matter. It was just a collection of notes arranged in a way that felt right in the moment. He played it with gusto, as loudly as he could, and was rewarded with a jet of flame that burst from his bagpipes and curled briefly in the air before hurling toward the girl and her darts. There was a sizzling sound, and ash fell from the cloud of flame. The darts were gone.

 

The Unicyclist didn't stay to see if she was harmed or not. He didn't care. He whirled on his unicycle and barreled into the jungle, spewing musical flames at the leafy canopy. 

Edited March 21, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kobold King he/him]

 

 

Lightwards steadily fumed as Lucentia gave a tirade of her own. Not a raging tirade like his--not even an angry threat like Funtimes had given. She simply stood in the street with her hands behind her back and a smirk across her lips.

 

Sparks. When she smirked she looked just like her brother. Of all the Epics in the world to have a sibling, why Nighthound? At least Funtimes didn't have one.

 

 “...I can however assure you," Lucentia droned on in her smug manner, "That I’m showing you more respect than one of my servants. Should one of them behave like you are right now they would be lying dead on the floor. The amount of generosity I’m showing you is already quite significant. Any amount of respect you want on top of that you’ll have to earn, which certainly won’t pose a challenge for an enlightened emperor such as you, won’t it?”

 

Lightwards' eye twitched, and something inside of him snapped.

 

"EARN YOUR RESPECT?" he shouted, striding up into her face. "You presume to lecture me about respect? I've spent the last ten years out of my life biding my time in the wastelands. I've survived Snowfall, Möbius, and the Lord of the sparking Silverfish by my wits alone. If not for the coddling Calamity's lavished on you, you'd have been dead a thousand times over for your temperament alone!"

 

He stood before her breathing heavily in anger. He was half aware of the fact that his hand was clasped around the grip of his pistol. The rage building to a crescendo in his chest, he began to slide the gun out from its belt. 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Using the distraction Red delivered Nighthound quickly addressed Ray, “Comes just in time for you, doesn’t he? How about this, I point at it and either you shoot at it or after he’s dealt with I’ll think of something much worse than just a little spanking, understood?”

She grudgingly mumbled an agreement.

“That’s my girl.”

 

The way that unicycle driving madman dealt with Red pretty much proofed that he just had his Rending as unlikely as it might be, he simply seemed to lack any form of reason. After burning the blood to dust he just drove away, showing no further interest in attacking them, and he had no reason to charge at him in the first place, if Funtimes had told him to burn down the museum… huh, that train of thought might come in handy though.

 

Doing nothing was tempting, however letting a flame throwing Epic rampage in the museum jungle was obviously stupid. Ending that disjointed noise, he played on his bagpipes would also be a blessing. Killing him might make more trouble than it’s worth and a demonstration of his powers would serve as good prove, meaning it couldn't hurt to let him live. Even if it’s a shame I don’t get to kill him.

 

Nighthound signaled Ray to shoot at the unicycle’s tire and started a sprint towards him. Muscles in his leg tearing by the strength he put into them and instantly reknitting themselves.  One of the dinosaurs was alarmed by the energy beam passing next to its head and noticed Nighthound. Dropping down to his knees, Nighthound slid under the jaws snapping at him, the momentum of his run carried him further towards the Unicyclist.

 

The Unicyclist himself lost his balance, after his tire got hit. Nighthound twisted around and used his arms to push himself up from his crouched position, using the momentum in one fluid motion he kicked the tumbling Epic in his back, sending him flying. Shortly afterwards the masked Epic jerked to a sudden stop by crushing into a tree.

 

Worst case Lightwards should still be able to use his corpse as proof.

                                                                                            

 

The little emperor flew into a fit of rage. Lucentia herself lost her patience, once he drew his gun. Her diamond arm snapped forward and grabbed his hand that held the gun. Using the strength of her diamond arm she forced it towards Lightwards’ throat and covered both in a layer of diamond. She decided to give it a fitting deep green color. The diamond slowly grew down the professor’s body, restricting his movement.

 

“How funny for you to bring that up, from what my brother told me, you didn’t even manage to survive some minor Epic when you attacked the museum without such lavishness. Before you whine about what I have gained, you might want to get it into your head that some are simply better than others We can at least agree that you have risen above Vanillas yourself, can’t we?”  

 

Two more tendrils grew out of Lucentia, both ending in a sharp spear-like point. One pointed at the magician and the other at his assistant. Lucentia shoot them a glare, “You two stay out of this.”

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Opposite Day? Calamity, what kind of a slontze says that?

 

Oh. Right.

 

Quota wasn’t sure how long he’d been running when his thoughts caught up to him, but he knew he wasn’t out of the Dominion. The borders of CorpseMaker’s territory were still a bit hazy in his mind, but he was well within their limits—of that much he was certain. He paused for breath, back pressed against the rough brick wall of a derelict shop, and listened for footsteps.

 

Opposite Day?

 

It was just like that time he’d roped in a Muslim and a Christian on the same forum thread. Comparing a religion’s Prophet or Messiah to Hitler tended to do that. Just when he’d thought the debate was going well—just when they both seemed to be losing their tempers—they’d shut down. Left the thread. Gone to a different topic. Still high on argument, Quota had followed, and there, on a thread dedicated to the latest Harry Potter movie, he had done something dumb.

 

He had called them names.

 

Nothing clever, either. Just your standard slurs. He’d let loose, hoping to draw them back to their earlier discussion so he could hear them shouting obscenities through their screens.

 

Instead, they had left again. Because they knew something he knew, but denied: He was losing.

 

Now Electro knew the same thing. He was losing. And when Timeport resurrected, he’d know the same thing, and they’d see he’d fled, and they’d both assume he’d stayed out of the hunt because he knew he’d lose.

 

Losing.

 

Quota pounded his fist against the brick. Losing. And they knew it. They sparking knew it. He’d return to CorpseMaker and be upbraided for showing weakness. Timeport and Electro would never let him live it down.

 

He pounded the brick again, harder this time. His hand smarted and throbbed.

 

Losing.

 

Just when Quota had nearly made up his mind to lure a few vanillas to their deaths, he sensed it.

 

An Epic.

 

 

Getting smashed up against a tree hurt. Losing in his first charge hurt more.

 

His sides screamed with the sort of pain hinting at cracked ribs; his shoulder throbbed; his head pounded. But Nighthound had caused that pain and there was a whole museum still intact and Funtimes had made that jungle and he hated that jungle and Nighthound was there and he was still coming—

 

Bagpipes.

 

He still had them; he’d been clutching them tightly when his tire blew and Nighthound sent him hurtling toward a tree. Somehow, he managed to raise them to his lips and play a song, gentler than the others.

 

Pain lessened.

 

Bones knit themselves together.

 

The Unicyclist stood.

 

Still playing.

 

The song became harsher, the notes shorter and sharper. Flame burst forth, hurling itself at Nighthound.

 

And the ground vibrated as every dinosaur in the museum thundered toward him.

 

 

Quota had two choices: risk a fight or run from one.

 

It was easy to coax an Epic into a fight. Vanillas, accustomed as they were to bowing and bolting from trouble, usually lost hope before things could really get interesting. Satisfying in its own way, but there was no challenge to it. No bragging rights for pushing someone off a bridge when they were going to jump anyway.

 

Epics, though, were more interesting. Tamp down a bit of their bravado, squash some of their anger, and there was no telling what they’d do. They might hurl flame or smash your toes, or they might leave and return with an army. They might lash out, or—if you hit the right nerve—make a show of leaving you alive. Mundivore’s reaction was one of the milder ones.

 

Quota had to ask himself a question, and that question was not, “Do I really want to risk pissing off an Epic?” but rather “Can I escape before they find me?”

 

He reached out toward the Epic, carefully and gently. There was anxious anticipation there, and fear, curdled into the sort of anger only an Epic could possess in abundance. Layered over it all was an almost giddy joy, as nauseating as artificial sweetener in brownies. He sensed another one nearby, missing the joy but with aggression in abundance. 

 

A scapegoat. 

 

Quota grinned, reaching out toward the artificially sweetened Epic. Let’s see if we can fix that, shall we?

[mail-mi he/him]

 

The children were all sound asleep, and Mommy was busy preparing herself for the attack on the Empire of Light. 

 

But first, the second squadron of Epics was leaving for the attack on the Dominion. A squadron which, regretfully, included Sidestep.

 

Mommy stood with him as they prepared to leave. At that moment, she almost--almost--wanted to change her mind and attack the Dominion, but her hatred of Lightwards and Nighthound beat out her hatred of Corpsemaker--and her growing feelings for Sidestep. 

 

They didn't say anything to each other as he was getting ready. Mommy knew that this might be the last time they'd see each other, and though she'd only known him for a couple hours at the most, she was already starting to have strong feelings towards him. She didn't used to believe in love at first sight, but now....

 

Sidestep straightened himself. He was ready to go. "Well, uh," he started awkwardly. Mommy smiled. He's so cute when he's awkward. "I guess it's time for me to go. They're probably waiting for me." However, he didn't leave quite yet. 

 

"You're not nearly ready, Side," she said, smirking. "Your outfit is horrendously dirty!" Stepping up right in front of him, she blinked at each piece of his clothing, making each one look clean and spiffy. 

 

"There we go," she said, looking back up at his eyes. He smiled. Oh, his eyes were so beautiful when he smiled. Suddenly, Mommy realized how close they were. Her heart started thundering in her chest, so loud that she couldn't believe that he didn't hear it. Calamity, they were so close! One more half-step and they'd be pressing right up against each other. 

 

The speaker blared with an announcement. "All Epics for the attack on the Dominion report to the front office. Repeat, all Epics for the attack on the Dominion report to the front office."

 

Neither of them moved. After what seemed like a half hour--but was probably only seconds--Sidestep finally spoke. "I should, uh, probably go. I...goodbye." He started to move away.

 

Blood pounding in her ears, Mommy made a snap decision. "Not yet you aren't." She leaned forward, and--

 

Electric.

 

It was only a few seconds, but it was the best few seconds of Mommy's life. Reluctantly, their lips parted, and Mommy whispered, "Go get 'em, Side." 

 

Awkwardly, Sidestep backed away and nodded. He took a moment to collect himself, then rushed to the door. Mommy's eyes followed him as he left, and, right as he left the room, he turned around and smiled sweetly at her. She smiled back, and he ran to the front office, shutting the door behind him. 

[Voidus]

A shadow on the outskirts of the Dominion:

Shadowstep waited to hear word back from the MEE HQ, he’d noticed the three Epics leaving some time ago and they’d all seemed to be pretty powerful, Nocturne had gone back immediately to let Zip know. This might just be the perfect time for an attack, with three of his more powerful Epics out doing who knew what Corpsemaker would be less protected. Still, given that Nocturne could fly it was taking too long to hear back, what was taking her so long?

A nearby crunch took his attention, he looked out from his shadow to try to identify it, quickly realizing that someone had landed right ontop of his shadow with quite some force, even though it wasn’t a corporeal body he always flinched whenever something threatened a shadow he was hiding in. Looking closely he recognized the figure from the MEE.

“Collaborate right?” Shadowstep said, appearing at the edge of the shadow. “What are you doing here? Where’s Nocturne?”

A strength Epic of some kind, Collaborate didn’t have any stealth abilities, he was going to blow their cover… unless.

Collaborate smiled. “She’s on her way, took a while to organize.” As he spoke a group of scared-looking Vanillas with rifles approached and took up position behind him.

“We’re attacking now. You in? Or are you just going to go back to hiding in the shadows little scaredy cat? I could always use a bit more strength.”

Ah that’s right, proportional strength something to do with how many people are following him?

Looking back at the spiderweb of cracks in the ground from Collaborate’s landing Shadowstep realized it had actually been a giant leap that had carried the Epic here. He must already have over a dozen times a regular person’s strength.

“I’ll be watching. If need be I can try to evacuate some people.” Shadowstep said, cursing his lack of offensive abilities.

Collaborate laughed, shoving him back into his shadow.

“Fine, stay there.” More Epics slowly arrived, including Nocturne, still in her barn owl form. “Ah. That’s more like it. This has got to be at least 20, no maybe 30 of us.” Collaborate laughed again. “I am going to be unstoppable.”

Leading the group with a roar the strength Epic sped through the streets, each step covering far more distance than it should.

The plan to assassinate Corpsemaker had begun.

 

Thought Town

Firebox led his group of Epics through Thought Town, a small handful of bullets held outstretched before him, when they found an enemy soldier he leeched the heat from one, causing it to shoot forwards

The bullets shot forward with as much speed as any fired from a gun, in addition they’d been supercooled by his power, crystalizing muscle and blood when they stuck in a soldier.

Firebox was a god among insects, these puny guards, needing to rely on weapons like these guns to hurt people. Firebox was a weapon.

He didn’t even hear the shot.

One soldier had left the fleeing group, hiding among the shadows cast by a building and taking careful aim at the back of Firebox’s head. Killing Firebox in an instant.

 

The border of Thought Town:

Flowerface hid in the back of the group from the MEE, other Epics rapidly trying to move away when they realized who it was.

Why had he been given these powers? People around him had become veritable gods, impervious to harm, hurling fireballs, lightning and blasts of pure energy.

And I get to be super-allergy man, the guy who gives everyone the sniffles.

It had taken many months of practice with a pistol before he was even as dangerous as most Vanillas these days, even among minor Epics he’d stood out as useless. He’d heard of only one more so, although stories seemed mixed as to whether he was a force to be absolutely feared, or a pitiful minor Epic capable of nothing that a clock wasn’t.

Ah well, I never did get to meet him and find out, probably for the best, even he probably would have been more useful than me.

He fired rounds from his Glock into the rapidly thinning group of guards around Thought Town. They’d taken out a few of the MEE Epics already but by combining their abilities most had survived. Somehow Flowerface had been among the survivors.

He provided supressing fire as he closed the distance to where his powers would begin affecting the guards, he should at least pretend his powers were useful in some way right?

A few sniffles and coughs was all the effect he had, the guards continued to shoot from their cover until one of the more combative Epics from the MEE severed all their heads with a well placed piece of tinfoil.

“You stay here and uh… guard our backs.” The tinfoil-Epic said, at least being kind enough to pretend there was a reason they all left him behind.

Flowerface waited in the dark, alone.
 

The skies above Thought Town:
Soulswitch soared over the burning ThoughtTown, still possessing the griffin that Chimera had given him.

He’d grown bored of watching over the virtually empty museum so he’d left to do some scouting when he’d spotted the attack on Thought Town.

Corpsemaker? I didn’t know he had the forces for it, there must be a dozen Epics down there at least.

Circling lower to get a better look, Soulswitch watched the soldiers fighting bravely against the Epics, mere humans couldn’t possibly hope to hold their own against a force of Epics but they struggled valiantly in any event.

A stray bullet clipped his wing as he watched the firefight, punching a hole straight through the tough muscle and sinew. He struggled to keep airborne but soldiers took notice of him and started shooting, assuming him to be another Epic attacking them. He quickly shifted out of the griffin and into one of the soldiers, taking over the man so that he could run he heard a dull thump behind him as the corpse of the griffin landed.

Chimera was going to be so disappointed in him.
 

 

The skies above Thought Town:

Jetpack flew straight over the borders around Thought Town, fire jetting from his hands as he scanned the field for Refill

He shifted constantly to avoid making a target of himself and occasionally dropped low enough to roast a few soldiers, although after one with a shotgun had grazed his side he’d stopped. Cauterizing the wound was easy enough for a former vet but if one hit him anywhere vital he couldn’t come back from that.

He froze when he spotted a figure all in white, he’d heard about Voidgaze before and she was definitely not part of the MEE.

Shooting up and out of her range quickly he realized she must be with Thought Town, which meant this attack was likely about to go very wrong. He flew back to the group near the entrance, stopping only to yell a quick warning that enemy Epics were here before shooting off again.

As soon as he left the ground something happened to his vision, it went completely dark and he heard a strange hum in his ear.

Synesthesia? Why would she-

Forgetting to slow or stop his jets, he rammed straight into the walls of Thought Town, crushing his skull immediately.
 

 

A tall building, near the Dominion:
 

Longshot took aim, his eyes adjusting to the dim light almost immediately. He could clearly see his target even from this distance, he could see everything now. Every shift in the wind. Every updraft.  The spin on every bullet as it exited his gun.
He’d been dropped off here on the tallest building in the area as the others all continued on to confront the Epics of the dominion at closer range.

Fools, they’ll never win like that. You need to attack from safety, unwatched yet acting as the watcher.

Longshot lined up the shot, taking the wind into account along with the bullets fall and his targets predicted motion he pulled the trigger.

His rifle jammed.

Throwing it over the edge in anger he pulled out his spare, mentally adjusting for the differences between the two he lined his shot up again and fired.

Just as a barn owl swooped into view, taking the bullet full in the chest before plummeting from the sky.

“Un-bloody-believable” He muttered, lining up his shot for the third time. A part of his mind realized that he’d probably just shot the shapeshifting Epic from the MEE. Most of him didn't care. It was lining up his next shot.

He didn't bother to look as the timber beneath him creaked, his mind entirely focused upon the shot, his index finger pulling slowly back on the trigger when with a great creak the floor collapsed beneath him.

[Edgedancer he/him]

The Unicyclist barely managed to raise his bagpipes and started playing again. This time the music wasn’t as grating as his song before and it seemed to cause the Unicyclist to breathe more easily. Healing? Great, that means I can be a bit rougher with him.

 

Nighthound anticipated the gush of flames approaching him, as the music became more violent again. Gritting his teeth together he met the fire head on and rushed towards the Unicyclist.

 

Flames washed over him-

Pain. Skin blistering.

He healed. Not anywhere fast enough for his taste but it was enough to keep him from burning to death. Black mist from his entire body mingled with the flames, coloring them black.

 

Through the flames a wave of dinosaurs charged at him. Nighthound jumped towards the one at the front of one side, a raptor slightly larger than he was. While pushing against it, he put power into it, causing the dinosaur to jump backwards. Its sudden jerk broke the animal’s legs and it pushed the ones behind it back as well.

 

Using the new space Nighthound dodged the jaws of the dinosaurs throwing themselves at him from the other side of the flame wall.

 

After ending the dinosaur back into the fire with a well-placed kick and the same trick as before, he made another run for his target.

[mail-mi he/him]

 

Timeport woke up.

 

“What in Calamity’s name just happened?!” he shouted as soon as his eyes opened on to Portland’s sky.

 

Quota was gone, and Electro was being confronted by a teleporting girl dressed in pink. “Electro, what the sparks just killed--”

 

And then he saw it.

 

The dinosaur.

 

Against his wishes, a small part of Timeport's heart filled with glee. He remembered his childhood before Calamity, spent playing with little plastic dinosaur toys, and dragging his parents to the local Natural History Museum. He tried to squash that emotion down, but found himself incapable to do so, faced by the HOLY CALAMITY IT'S AN ACTUAL DINOSAUR!!

 

Timeport worked some saliva back in his mouth. Unfortunately, it looked like it was already dying or dead, its blood seeping out of its legs onto the cement. "Um," he said, drawing Electro's and the pink girl's attention.

 

"Um." he said again. He tried to keep his eyes off of the dinosaur, but couldn't help it. A small smile crept onto his face. "So, uh, this yours?" he said to the girl, gesturing at the dinosaur. "And, uh... where can I get one?" 

[TheSilverDragon he/him]

Wraith stared gloomily into his empty hand. The hand that had recently held a cookie. Why do all good things have to came to an end? he wondered sadly. There should be more Epics that can make cookies. Then the whole world would be a better place. Wraith sat there a moment, contemplating a world full of epics that could make cookies on demand. It was a wonderful world.

Just as he was thinking about how many people would get type two diabetes, he head something he thought he would never hear again, bagpipes. Where in Calamity did someone get bagpipes? He wondered to himself. And why would they be here? He thought about it a little bit more, and then realized that this was were he would most likely expect to find bagpipes. Curiosity piqued, Wraith turned into smoke and set off in the direction of the music, not really sure of what he would find.

* * *

Wraith cleared a cluster of prehistoric trees, and was met with one of the oddest sights he had seen, and that was saying something. A man, with a kilt, a discarded unicycle by him, in a Darth Vader mask, playing the bagpipes, that was belching fire, leading a pack of dinosaurs,  attacking a man that was covered in mist. Behind the misty guy, two girls in collars stood by watching the whole spectacle. One looked like she would have been anywhere else but here, and the other was watching with feverish admiration. Who in Calamity are these people, and why are they attacking each other? Wraith thought, bewildered. I haven’t seen either one of them in my life, but one of them must be in Funtimes’ alliance because there here, but who? He looked at both of them, sizing them up, trying to see which one would be in an alliance with Dr. Funtimes.

The bagpiper was the most likely candidate, with him being the oddest of the two. That the dinosaur was on his side said that he was most likely to be in an alliance with the sparkly hippy doctor. The black misty guy didn’t seem like one who would tolerate Funtimes, so that ruled him out.

Making up his mind to help the bagpiper, Wraith mentally let out a war cry and threw his smoke body at the misty guy’s head in hopes of impairing his vision.  

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

 

A cloud of smoke managed to wrap itself around Nighthound's head, but it wasn't enough to prevent his pursuit, or even to slow it. Nighthound was already racing toward him. 

 

Calamity's cupcake, that guy was fast.

 

The Unicyclist turned and ran. He raised his bagpipes and tried to play, but a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that Nighthound was gaining. 

 

He put on another burst of speed. Sparking Nighthound destroying his sparking unicycle and now running for him when all he wanted was to destroy the entire museum and dance on its ashes. 

 

What a killjoy. 

 

Just as he began to consider whether the trees or the clearing would be a better choice, he crashed to the grassy earth as Nighthound successfully lunged for him. 

 

 

Remington wasn't there yet. 

 

Doctor Funtimes knew he'd be a while, but this was almost too long. He wasn't supposed to stay all night; just offer them his help and tell them Lightwards needed to die.

 

Maybe he'd gone to the wrong meeting place? 

 

She briefly considered teleporting into a different shop, but she already knew nobody was in this one and there was no point in going somewhere else if there was the chance someone might see her. If she landed in a shop with people in it, they'd know she was in CorpseMaker's territory; and if they knew she was in CorpseMaker's territory, she'd have to kill them; and if she had to kill them, there was no guarantee she'd be able to hide the bodies before Remington arrived. It wouldn't take long, but still. 

 

Maybe he wasn't coming back? 

 

No. No no no no no. He was coming back. He wanted Lightwards dead and she would help make that happen. She'd even let him go off on his own. He would come back. 

 

People don't always come back. 

 

The thought came alongside a stab of fear cut through with despair, the same mix she'd felt on the day—

 

—​no no no don't think—

 

—on the day— 

 

​—pug puppies little black smushy faces and buggy eyes—

 

No matter how much she tried to push it down, the feeling came back up again, and Doctor Funtimes did the last thing she wanted to do. 

 

She remembered. 

 

Wasilla, Alaska

Six months before Annexation

 

The McDonald’s on Parks Highway was never crowded on weekdays. So long as Jade Delancey paid for a milkshake or a sundae or anything else on the menu, she was welcome to hold her quiet phone calls in a corner booth. That was where she sat on a cold March day when snow still clung to the earth in patches, and the wind had tried to tear through her coat on the walk over. Her phone lay on the table as she took a bite of her chocolate sundae, pink coat draped over her shoulders like a blanket to ward off the chill seeping in around the window.

 

She answered her sister’s call with her usual question. “Where are you right now?”

 

“One of the study areas,” Courtney said, and Jade imagined the room as her sister had described it—a wide carpeted space with plenty of sofas and armchairs, her sister seated in a blue one near the door. It made her feel like she was in the Ravenclaw common room, she said. “It’s not super crowded right now, but there’s a few others here. Mostly doing homework, but there’s one guy who’s….um….lying on one of the sofas.”

 

“Sleeping?”

 

“No, he’s doing that ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ thing.” She broke off with a laugh. “Okay, his friend just said ‘no’ and pushed him onto the floor.”

 

“Seriously? How strong is he?”

 

“Looks like he just lost his balance. He was posing pretty close to the edge, so one little push was all it took. I think he’s okay. So,” she said after a short pause, “where are you?”

 

“McDonald’s again. There’s an old guy glaring at me like I’m gonna steal his fries, and a couple stoners doing the same thing.” Jade gave a thoughtful pause. “Maybe I shouldn’t’ve asked if I could have some.”

 

Jade could hear the smile in her sister’s tone. “From the old guy or the stoners?”

 

“Those ones. I mean, it’s not like they didn’t have a ton already anyway. They got, like, three ginormous orders.”

 

Courtney laughed. “With all the crap you pull there, I’m surprised the staff hasn’t kicked you out yet.”

 

“Hey, I share, too!” She kept the phone raised as she turned to the group of older teens clustered around their fries, waving her sundae. “You guys want a bite of my sundae?”

 

The four of them stared, frowned, and nudged each other in the ribs before a young man in a too-big sports coat and jeans stood and grabbed a spoon from the nearby counter. He eyed the chocolate sundae warily. “You sure?”

 

“Yup. You shared your fries.”

 

He dug the spoon into the sundae, taking a good bit of chocolate sauce, and ate it, eyeing her the whole while as if she would toss the rest of the ice cream in his face. “Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” she said with a grin, Courtney laughing in her ear.

 

“Man, I miss you,” Courtney said. “I wish I could just have you shipped down here and take you to all my classes. And everything else.”

 

Jade felt that familiar pang, the one that seemed to come every time the distance between herself and her sister was mentioned. “Mom’d never let me skip that far ahead.” She wasn’t certain she was ready for college, but she didn’t say that.

 

“Where is she, by the way?”

 

“At home. Guess what she’s doing.”

 

“Watching the news?”

 

“Yep.” She gave out a long groan. “And they’re talking about that Cardinal guy again.”

 

“Did they learn anything else? Last I heard, they were freaking out because they’d found a different Epic who could actually resurrect, not just heal.”

 

Jade wished she hadn’t mentioned Thomas Cardinal. He always started conversations she didn’t want to finish. “They haven’t said anything else about him.”

 

Courtney saw through the lie to the worry underneath. “None of my profs are that unbalanced, Jadey.”

 

Unbalanced. The single most common descriptor applied to Professor Thomas Cardinal by his former colleagues at UC Davis. Unbalanced. Unstable. Uncooperative with school authorities when referring him to a counselor he refused to see. No one was certain why he had murdered and mind-wiped so many of his former students before his death, but they assumed it had something to do with the medication he was almost certainly not taking at the time. Jade had never seen the man, as UC Davis hadn’t released his picture to the press, but if she ever did meet him, she was certain he’d have crazy eyes she could spot from a mile away.

 

“I know. They all sound really nice, from what you’ve said.”

 

“They are. Even if they did get powers, I doubt they’d pull a Cardinal and shoot up the school.”

 

“Yeah.” Jade heard enough about Thomas Cardinal whenever her mother’s favorite news analysts ran out of new Epics to talk about. Now he had found his way into the conversation with her sister, and she had no idea how to drag him out again. “Can we play the song?”

 

“Oh! Sure. Hang on….let me get it ready….”

 

Jade took out her iPod and plugged in her headphones, finding the song in seconds. “I’ve got it. You’ve got it?”

 

“Got it. One….”

 

“Two….”

 

“Three.” Music poured through her earbud, filling her head with the song she and Courtney had chosen as their own years before.

 

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue

 

“Is it playing?” Jade asked.

 

“Yep.” Courtney sang along softly:

 

 

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want

 

Jade closed her eyes and let her sister sing to her. It had been years since they’d had to do this, sit miles apart and sing to each other, but Courtney’s voice still sounded the same as it had back then. Back when she lived in Wasilla and their father had taken Courtney with him to Kodiak. Back when the divorce was still chugging along toward its conclusion, and Jade didn’t know who would stay where.

 

Back when there was still a chance Jade would stay in Wasilla while Courtney lived in Kodiak. Then Nome. Then Coldfoot, or Bethel, or wherever their father’s job took him.

 

Where you can always find me

We’ll have Halloween on Christmas

 

 

She blinked a few stinging tears away. Vancouver was quite a bit further than Kodiak, but there was no court forcing her to stay. She would finish her degree and return to Alaska, or Jade would move to Vancouver, or they would find an apartment in Seattle. In a few years, they would be free to go where they pleased.

 

And in the night we’ll wish this never ends

 

Provided Courtney lived that long.

 

We’ll wish this never ends

 

Jade shook the thought away as the violins swelled in earnest, blending with the singer’s muttered “I miss you, I miss you." Courtney would be fine. Her professors were all too nice to pull a Cardinal. She would finish out her degree and come home. Jade would help her unpack and Courtney would help her pick which university to attend, and they would laugh about the days when they thought an Epic would shoot up the school.

 

The next two verses belonged to Jade, and she sang softly.

 

Where are you?

And I’m so sorry

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and—

 

“Oh. Oh my god.”

 

Jade stopped as a shaft of fear went right through her middle. “What?”

 

There was a clatter on Courtney’s end of the line—the sound of furniture tipping as several voices screamed.

 

“It—it’s an Epic.” Courtney’s voice wavered; she was running. “He just sent someone through the floor—I’ve got to go. I love you, Jadey.”

 

There were more screams, more furniture tipping over, more running. Jade thought she heard a voice shout “C’mon, what’re you running for?”—and then the line was silent. There was only the music, still playing through her earbud.

 

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?

Stop this pain tonight

 

Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already

The voice inside my head

(I miss you, miss you)

Don’t waste your time on me, you’re already

The voice inside my head

Edited April 4, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Edgedancer he/him]

Nighthound just heard another person scream and shortly afterwards a cloud of smoke obscured his vision. What kind of idiot actually tried to help burning down the museum?

 

Ignoring the smoke scream Nighthound kept running towards the Unicyclist. His attempts to get away were futile, even as he desperately attempted to raise his speed, Nighthound just keep gaining on him. He simply couldn’t keep up with Nighthound’s superior speed.

 

Once he got his hands on him it was easy to simply push the Unicyclist down to the ground. Nighthound turned him around, so his stomach was facing upwards and ripped away his bagpipes. A well placed punch to his stomach left the Darth Vader caricature winding in pain.

 

After he stood up, Nighthound made sure the Unicyclist wouldn’t run away by crushing his kneecaps under his feet. The sound of crushing bones after all of this was satisfying to say the least.

 

Pinning the Unicyclist to the ground, by placing a foot on his chest he turned to the cloud of smoke, “Do you have any reasons that aren’t moronic for helping the guy that was trying to burn down the entire museum?”

[TheSilverDragon he/him]

Wraith's attempt to obscure the most guy's vision fails miserably, and the bagpiper got thrown to the ground and un-bagpiped. Well that didn't turn out as I had expected, Wraith thought to himself as the most guy turned around to confront him.

"Do you have any reasons that aren’t moronic for helping the guy that was trying to burn down the entire museum?” the misty guy said, although he wasn't misty anymore. Wraith turned back into human form in shock.

"Wait, what?" Wraith said. "I thought that he was trying to protect the museum. I hadn't seen either be of you before, and reasoned that he" gesturing to the winded man, "was I league with Dr. Funtimes, so I helped him out." Wraith explained, trying not to get killed. "So you work for Dr. Funtimes?" Wraith asked, perplexed. He doesn't really seem the type to team up with the glitter princess, Wraith thought to himself, but neither am I.

[Edgedancer he/him]

The smoke turned back into an idiot. An idiot that apparently had no clue what the situation here was. Let’s just hope that he didn’t have to waste too much time with him. His dogs still needed some evening grooming, before the end of the day.

 

“For the record,” Nighthound said while rubbing his temples, “you were under the assumption that the guy spewing fire in this jungle was trying to protect the place?”

 

While talking he waved one of the dinosaurs over, so he could control it into dousing the burning trees, by burying them under its body.

 

Not waiting for an answer Nighthound continued, “Now, it seems no one actually told you how things work here, so let me tell you a couple of things. First of all, you shouldn’t walk around here, implying that Funtimes is running this place. If anything, pretend that Lightwards is calling the shots around here. Luckily, I’m a generous Slontze, so I’ll only explain to you how stupid you’ve been acting and enjoy the realization creep onto your face, but if you tell it to the wrong person they might just decide to kill you.

 

“The other important thing would be that you’re right, this little Slontze is one of Funtimes lackeys. Just with the key-detail that she claimed him to be a Vanilla. Suddenly, after all the important people have left he starts using epic powers to burn down this place, while only a couple of Epics, including you, were left. Surely you can think of the implications yourself.”

 

“Lastly, I’m Nighthound and if you’re planning on wasting any more of my time you should really introduce yourself. Actually you should do that in general.”

[TheSilverDragon he/him]

Wraith started to fidget with strings of his hoodie, a nervous habit he had long before Calamity. “I, um, I’m Wraith.” Wraith said, trying really hard not to tick of the misty guy, no Nighthound He corrected himself.. “And who is this Lightward guy? I’ve never seen him.” I hope it’s a him, Wraith thought to himself, If not, I hope Lightward does not have that bad of a temper. “Should I swear allegiance to him?”

[Edgedancer he/him]

Wraith, as he called himself, was nervously fiddling around. Having something this weak-willed be called an Epic was disgusting at best. Nighthound did his best to keep his mood from plummeting by taking Wraith as proof that he was right about Lightwards’ recruitment strategy being faulty. How did he expect just randomly letting people into his headquarters and not even having a basic interview with them to work well?

 

“Sure go ahead and swear allegiance to him. He’s the guy trailed by zombies and wearing a green bowler head. Assuming he isn’t lazing around somewhere he should be back any moment now,” Nighthound said, not bothering to hide that he didn’t want to bother with him.

 

Thinking about the selection of people that went to the meeting it was almost a shame that Nighthound couldn’t witness it himself but all things considered his evening has been more productive like this.

 

Nighthound waved his pets over, “No need to start feeling lonely back there, you two. Come.”

[Edgedancer he/him]

Since she made sure Big Al was alright, Voidgaze had been moving from one group of soldiers to the next, making sure they were alright. By now the fabric of her cloak was growing thin at some places and some of her tassels were already half gone. After this she would need to replace some of the fabric. There were no bloodstains she would have to deal with, though, those she could simply remove from her cloak.

 

After she combed through the actual building she joined the fight in the open. It was a mess. The only reason Voidgaze could tell who their soldiers were was that the attacking force was made out of Epics. Even then telling who needed help-

 

A knife swung at her through the air. One of her tassels hit and annihilated it. She barely noted a thread that was connected to the knife, before it moved away.

 

Looking for the center of the thread’s rotation lead, she noticed an Epic rapidly spinning around his own axis, another knife connected to him and wildly cutting through the people around him.

 

Voidgaze moved in on him, as the second thread touched her she cut it and connected it to her cloak, so it couldn’t hit a soldier at random after flying away. The thread and knife got destroyed, as they coiled around her.

 

The enemy Epic noticed her as well and let out something resembling a war cry. Pulling out another pair of knifes he moved towards her like some kind of living spinning top. Not hesitating, Voidgaze simply meet him head on. Once the Top-man came in melee range, he tried to slash her. Instead his knives simply disappeared in her cloak.

 

Screaming with pain the attacker stumbled back from her. His arm ending in bloody stumps shortly under his elbows, after he also whirled them into Voidgaze. Inwardly she cringed at the sight but she couldn’t allow herself being too careful with the attacking Epics.

 

Letting the other Epic crawl away, Voidgaze surveyed the area for other places she was needed. She found a group of three soldiers under enemy fire. One was wounded and being dragged away by the second soldier, as the third gave them cover.

 

Voidgaze made it to them in time to catch an ice spear, that was about to hit the third soldier from behind, with one of her sleeves. The Epic that threw the spear was standing a good distance away, so she hurled it back at the Epic. He dodged to the side.

 

More ice formed in his hands. Voidgaze grabbed the milk bottle hanging at her waist and threw it at him. A shard of ice shattered the bottle in the air. The milk splattered everywhere, including on the Epic. Voidgaze annihilated the parts of him that were now covered in white, except an area around his jugular. The ice Epic fell to the ground with holes in his limbs and at his side, incapable of hurting anyone else but not necessarily dead.

 

Voidgaze turned to the soldiers-

A yelp of pain escaped her as she felt a shock run through her body. Her body went limp but avoided falling to the ground by catching herself with her sleeves.  The attack came from an Epic standing about five meters away, electricity crackling around his hands.

 

She tried to loosen a sheet of paper from her sketch book but her fingers twitched too much. The electric Epic raised his hands towards Voidgaze, “PowerPoint shall-“

A bullet went straight through his head.

 

The soldier that had covered the other two stepped in front of Voidgaze and saluted her, “Sergeant Disparo, waiting for orders, Ma’am.”

Up close Voidgaze could tell that Disparo was a tan woman with short brown hair showing under her helmet.

 

With her body still feeling a bit numb Voidgaze barely managed to stand up and returned the salute, “First we get the wounded into safety and then we go and save more people.”

 

A thin smile spread across Disparo’s face, “Yes, Ma’am!”

[Kobold King he/him]

 

 

The night was chill, the air as crisp as it was still. There was little to hear but the diamond queen's strident voice and little to feel but the green diamond squeezing out life.

 

Not for the first time, Lightwards wished he could vaporize cities or shatter asphalt with his fists. Or, at the very least, that he hadn't been so quick to send away his allosaur. To merely grit his teeth and remain silent through Lucentia's insults took all the willpower he could muster.

 

"...Before you whine about what I have gained," Lucentia droned on, her voice cold and unpleasant, "you might want to get it into your head that some are simply better than others. We can at least agree that you have risen above Vanillas yourself, can’t we?”

 

Diamond spikes raised and prevented Aldo and Cricket from interfering--not that either of them showed any signs of stepping into the middle of the confrontation.

 

Doing his best to stifle the worst of his rage, Lightwards smiled a tight, mirthless smile.

 

"Of course," he hissed softly. "That, at least, would be ludicrous to debate."

 

He shifted as much as he could within his crystal confines--though there wasn't much room to get comfortable. Lucentia was still staring sternly at him, and he forced himself to maintain eye contact.

 

For a split moment, her face was that of Möbius, and then Funtimes. The moment passed, and her own pompously homely face was soon filling his frame of view once again.

 

Slightly shaking his head, he continued. "Perhaps I let my anger get the better of me--I think we can both agree that we have better things to do than brawl in the middle of the street. So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you'd dismiss these senseless binds and allow us to return to our business at hand."

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

 

 

"I knew you could all be brought down. You're all weak." 

 

Doctor Funtimes was still shaking when the voice commanded she open her eyes. It was dripping triumph, and its owner aimed a pistol to her forehead. 

 

​Courtney….

 

He was smiling. Grinning, because he'd seen. Seen her shaking, seen her unable to stop. He'd gotten in here and he had a gun and he'd seen the reflection of what she'd been forced to think about. Probably because he'd caused it. 

 

Lightwards. 

 

Lightwards had sent him. Somehow, someway, he'd known where she was going to be and he'd sent this slontze to find her and toy with her memories until he knew what she wished she didn't know. 

 

She snapped her fingers, and the pistol turned to dust. No colors. No glitter. No acid, either, but he wouldn't be in a mood to talk if his fingers were burned. In a second her hands were around his throat, and she teleported the two of them to a corner well away from the curtained windows. He must have seen her through a crack when he peered in at just the right angle, and she wouldn't take any more chances. 

 

"How did he know I was here?" she hissed, fingers tightening. She wanted to wrap them tighter, tighter, press them against his skin until that stupid grin was choked away and he looked as scared as he'd made her feel, but he couldn't talk if he was dead. "Tell me!" 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Lucentia watched Lightwards' futile attempts to squirm in his encasement. It did not serve to make him any more respectable, nor did the complete lack of initiative to aid him from his servants.

 

Lightwards’ gaze went hazy for a moment, giving the impression that his mind wandered into some corner. Then however, it seemed like he did regain some sense, after he couldn’t fight back anymore. Not quite what she hoped for but serviceable for now and he was right that they had better to do.  

 

Still, Lucentia looked up at Calamity’s brilliant fires illuminating the night sky and sighted, why must I put up with all of this? If he needs to have dreams of grandeur, also give him enough backbone for me to respect him or at least basic sanity.

 

The diamond prison around Lightwards crumbled to dust. Specks of it clinging to his clothes, making him seem like a single color version of Funtimes. “As you wish,” Lucentia said, “To return to our important matters, Altermind’s illusions failed during the meeting.”

 

Turning her back to Lightwards, Lucentia resumed her walk towards the museum. “I’m sure that it hasn’t slipped your notice.”

[A Joe in the Bush]

“So they know about you. They know about everyone.” Corpsemaker scowled down at the transcript of the meeting, at least what Streetwise had heard before that sightless Doctor had lifted it into the sky. and to top it off, both Thoughttown and the Empire had a teleporter. He’d have to dispatch timeport to take care of them.

 

“Er, yeah boss. I’m not certain how, a spy must have come in when I wasn’t paying attention to the base.” Streetwise looked like he was trying to shrink in size. “I’ll start writing everything that happens in the base as well.”

 

“Doesn’t Upgrade let you know everything that’s happening? How could you not know?”

 

“I can’t hold all that knowledge in my mind at once, i have to forget nearly everything. I usually just look for keywords like Altermind or- Oh Hey” The little Epic interrupted himself. “There’s a large number of known Epics heading towards the base. Looks like it’s part of the group that attacked Thoughtown. The Minor Epic Empire. Collaborate’s with them. As are about two dozen weapon toting people. I don’t recognize any of them as known epics.”

 

The Minor Epic Empire was that idiotic? Trying to attack two Epic strongholds at once? “Get back to the war room then. Stay with toymaker and Upgrade. Send any more information to Jakksmouth” CorpseMaker whirled around and pulled out the Mobile he had found in The Commander’s old Room. “Jakksmouth. This is Corpsemaker. We have several hostile Epics approaching the outer wall. Send Murphy and Leech to the Outer walls. I’ll meet him there.”

 

The answer came over the Armory’s mobile network near instantly. “You’re going out yourself sir?”

 

“Yes. There’s not enough of them to necessitate mobilization Just make sure none of them get into the base.”

 

“Understood sir.” The mobile beeped as the general signed off.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

“Seriously though, you never worry about the fact that we’re working for a high Epic who could kill us with a glance?” Murphy stared at the new guy, Leech. He looked like a surfer wearing his tank top and shorts. But supposedly he was the leader of nearly a hundred vanilla’s.

 

“That’s not what i’m worried about. I have enough life to survive his attacks for weeks. I’m worried about my people. He already killed four of them. That’s the only reason i’m servin him. Once I figure how how to kill him, I’ll do that.” Leech idly picked some dirt out from under his fingernails as he followed  Murphy to his new rooms.

 

“Why do you care so much about your Vanilla’s anyway? You can just enslave more.”

 

The Epic looked up for the first time. “Enslave? They weren’t enslaved at all. If anything I worked for them. Besides, you can’t replace family.”

 

Murphy stopped walking at that. Family? Leech paused a few steps past him and turned back. “What? You surprised I left my family alive?”

 

“Yes. Most epics kill their families as soon as they can, to avoid them discovering their weaknesses.” That hadn’t been necessary for Murphy. He’d left home years before Calamity rose. He didn’t even know if his parents still lived.

 

Leech smiled at that. “Luckily enough, that wasn’t possible with them. Now, where are my rooms?” His tone made it obvious that he wasn’t going to discuss the topic any further.

 

Murphy’s mobile lit up and Jakksmouth’s voice rang out. “Murphy. Grab Leech and get to the outer walls. There’s a band of hostile Epics approaching that Corpsemaker wants you to help him with.”

He ripped his mobile off his belt and pushed down the talk. “Sure thing. We’ll be there momentarily.” He pocketed the Mobile, ad returned to Leech. “We’ll see your rooms late. We have to go.”

[Voidus]

Collaborate grinned at the power he felt surging through him, more power than he'd felt in a long time, perhaps more than he'd ever held. Ever since he'd become an Epic he'd become isolated, only ever followed by a few people he had to pay, it had become frustrating, knowing deep down that he had this power within him, but the stupid Vanillas refusal to follow him like they should had resulted in him being little more than just another Vanilla, some of the more powerful Epics in Portland had hired him for a job from time to time, allowing him some of their own followers. Every time had been intoxicating, feeling that power flowing through his muscles, but then the job had been done, the Epics left him on his own again.

But not anymore. Now he had even lowered himself to the level of the cities minor Epics, but through that he had gained greater strength than ever. Now it was time to show these High Epics that he was worthy of far more than their pity and their leftover followers, he was equal to any of them, even the legendary Corpsemaker who could kill with nothing but a stare.

 

He'd had to leave behind the MEE's scout but he still had plenty of followers, both Epic and Vanilla, enough to showcase some of his potential.

With a smile he approached the outer walls of Corpsemakers Dominion, street light in one arm he sauntered up to the wall, setting his giant makeshift club on the ground and shattering its bulb he calmly looked at the wall for a moment.

Then he smiled.

With one punch his fist blasted straight through the brick. His arm now buried shoulder-deep in the wall, Collaborate ripped it back out before pummeling the wall with his other hand, spraying the other side with fragments of mortar. A short time later he'd created a man-sized hole in the wall large enough to fit through. Sidestep steeped into view from the other side of the wall, apparently having passed right through it just to show he could.

Somehow I don't even care, nothing could bother me now. Collaborate thought, blood boiling.

"Brothers!" He called out, gravelly voice reaching the ears of his fellow Epics and his own Vanilla soldiers. "Sisters! I may not be particularly charming. But you follow me now because we don't need charming snakes like that Lightwards, tricking Epics into following him, we don't need sneaky illusionists like Altermind. We don't even need the basilisk known as Corpsemaker. We don't need anyone above us! You follow me now because you know that all Epics are equal, there is no 'High' or 'lesser' we are all great, now let us walk as gods among men and do what we were put here to do. Let us destroy!"

So saying he leaped through the hole he'd created and into the Dominion.

[Voidus]

 

Neverthere plastered her smile back on her face before turning to the Epic who'd just appeared.

Thought he'd been eaten, a teleporter or he has self-reincarnation then I guess, could be an illusionist I suppose.

She giggled as she replied.

"You like mr. Numnums? I think he liked you too, he gave you his special hug, he gave me one too when I first met him. That's how I knew we were going to be together forever."

Allowing some of her anger to creep into her tone and expression she continued, shifting her projection to stand right next to the previously-eaten-Epic.

"Well I thought we'd be together forever but one of your meanie friends here decided to kill him just cause he was having some fun. I'm sure Wardy will bring him back for me though."

Back at her corporeal body she registered a flurry of activity, it seemed that the strike team heading for Corpsemaker was mobilizing.

"I've sent a little present to Corpsey to let him know how I feel about people killing mr. Numnums, you might be able to meet them if you hurry back. But if you want a friend like mr. Numnums here you should join up with Wardy, Lightwards that is. But mr. Numnums is mine when he gets brought back, so no cheating." Winking and blowing him a kiss she waved farewell "Gotta go, I like you so I'm sure I'll see you again, just remember that wherever I am, I'm Neverthere!" She shifted her projection away with a final giggle.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Neverthere took in her destination, this time in a nondescript house inhabited only by one large man in a tanktop.

"John." She said curtly, all sweetness gone from her voice and face. "Set up the safehouse on pine street, there's a keypad on the side of the house, code is 3427. Be gone by sunrise. Payment will be in two days at the usual place."

She shifted to a vantage point on a nearby roof once she was sure he had the information he needed, watching him as he left to set up her safehouse. The MEE had been a nice idea but she'd only gone along because her last safehouse had nearly been discovered and she'd needed somewhere safe. Now that they'd angered the three leaders of the city, the MEE no longer seemed like a safe place, she'd need to move. Tonight if possible, she'd watch John until he'd finished setting up, then return and say she needed to check on something personally.

Well I'll need to stock up on trip mines then, the cameras should still be working, and the remote detonation explosives should be fine, John should see to food and any other weapons.

Planning her next move, Neverthere's body collapsed into mist once more.
 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

There was fear in his eyes as Funtimes' fingers tightened around his throat. He tried to kick, but he wasn't very good at it; just like he wasn't very good at picking weapons to face off against her.

Lightwards would have known better.

"Can't—breathe. You High Epics are all the same."

No we're not you idiotbrain and if you say for one second that I'm the same as Soulflicker or Nighthound, I'll—

He turned into a chess piece.

Not an actual chess piece, made of plastic or wood, but a giant one made of flesh. A Queen, but she didn't care about that at the moment. All she cared was that his transformation had broken her grip, and now he'd ported out of the shop. Out of her hands. She wanted to scream and flail her arms and stamp her foot, but she knew she had to get that stupid chess Epic and screaming would do the opposite of what she wanted.

Instead, she ported.

It landed her in a shop across the street, an abandoned one with grimy windows pocked by a few raindrops from a beginning storm. Funtimes peered out and spied the same Epic, shaped like a Rook this time, porting down the street and away from her.

​He turns into a chess piece and moves like a chess piece. That is so….

​…lame.

Funtimes let him move down the now-empty street, let him change again and disappear around a corner and into an alley. She eyed the shop where he'd vanished and landed inside it.

Another quick jump took her into the deserted alley, where she wrapped her arms around the stupid chess Epic and ported him inside again, where she spied a set of stairs and ported him into the basement.

She didn't wait for him to change back before turning the floor beneath him, and six inches of the foundation beneath that, to tar.

"I'm going to kill you." She circled him, adding another inch of tar just in case. "Tell me who sent you, and I'll make it quick. Try and run again, and you don't want to know what I'll do to you." Edited April 18, 2015 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

 

The stupid chess Epic wasn't grinning anymore. His face, when he returned to his human form, was a twisted mask of terror. In the stillness of that basement, Funtimes heard every fear-choked gasp for breath, and she wasn't sure if she imagined it, but she thought she heard his heart hammering. "I—" 

 

At that moment, a generator failed or timed out, and the bare bulb plunged them into darkness. 

 

"—come from myself. I thought—I wanted—I didn't…want to…. didn't want to grovel." 

 

The lights didn't stay out for long. 

 

Doctor Funtimes tugged a long ribbon from her sweater, shook it out, and it became a lighter. She sparked a flame into existence, illuminating tears. 

 

"Please." She'd scared him into whispering. "Please, please. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I'm sorry." 

 

"I don't get it." Her own voice was soft, and she had ceased her pacing, moving the lighter between them.

 

Sobbing. Tears streaming out beneath his glasses.

 

"You didn't want to grovel, so you found me. Which—okay, if you'd been nice, I wouldn't've done all this. But you weren't, so I did, and now here we are. Here you are. Groveling." 

 

He'd already been sinking slowly but steadily in the tar, but she turned it to water just long enough to hasten his progress, before returning it to its previous state. Now he was up to his knees. 

 

Funtimes tugged three shorter ribbons from her sweater, merging them into a small cloth. "I believe you, though. Anyone who sent you would've known guns don't work on me. Not really. So before I kill you: why me?"