Shard's new sad attempt at writing (constructive criticism helpful)

[Shardwatcher01 he/him]

I

 

The sun blazed high above, casting its golden light across the village of Tidewatch. The sea shimmered like molten glass, reflecting the light sky. Waves rolled in with a steady rhythm, their sound a constant, soothing presence. Along the coastline, where cliffs met the ocean in a dramatic embrace, the village bustled with life. Fishermen hauled in their daily catch, artisans sold their wares, and children played along the shore, their laughter mingling with the cries of seabirds. 

Thalia stood at the edge of the cliff, looking out over the water. Her fiery red hair fluttered in the salty breeze, and her amber eyes glowed with a mixture of longing and determination. Around her neck hung her Aether Vein necklace, its bronze surface catching the light and glowing softly. The necklace was more than just an ornament; it was the source of her power, a link to the Echo of Fire that burned within her.

She took a deep breath, savoring the scent of the ocean mingled with the faint smell of smoke that lingered from the fire the night before. Today was the day she had been waiting for—the day she would set out on her own journey, away from the familiar shores of Tidewatch. Her heart raced with a mix of excitement and apprehension. She had always felt a pull towards the unknown, a restless energy that drove her to explore beyond the boundaries of her village.

“Thalia!” A voice called from behind her, breaking her reverie. She turned to see her childhood friend, Kai, making his way up the path. Kai was a towering figure, his muscular frame a testament to his Echo of Stone. His dark hair and bright green eyes contrasted sharply with his sun-tanned skin, and he carried a tattoo of a large hammer on his shoulder—a symbol of his strength and connection to the earth.

“Kai,” Thalia greeted him with a smile. “I was wondering when you'd show up.”

Kai grinned, a warm, genuine expression that softened his rugged features. “You didn't think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye, did you?” He pulled her into a bear hug.

Thalia laughed, returning the embrace. “Of course not. You know me too well.”

As they pulled apart, another figure approached, her steps graceful and fluid. Mira Tidesong, a healer from the village, was a vision of calm and serenity. Her flowing blue robes and staff adorned with seashells and pearls marked her as a master of the Echo of Tides. Her silver hair and kind eyes spoke of wisdom and compassion, qualities that had earned her the respect of everyone in Tidewatch.

“Thalia, Kai,” Mira greeted them with a serene smile. “I thought I might find you both here.”

“Mira,” Thalia said warmly. “I'm glad you came.”

Mira nodded, her gaze shifting to the ocean. “The world is calling you, Thalia. I can see it in your eyes. But remember, it's not just the journey you seek. It's the balance between light and dark, between calm and storm.”

Thalia's smile faded slightly as she considered Mira's words. “I know. And that's why I need to go. There's so much more out there, so many mysteries to uncover.”

Kai placed a hand on her shoulder, his grip reassuring. “We'll miss you, Thalia. But we know you have to do this. Just promise you'll come back and tell us about all your adventures.”

Thalia nodded, her resolve strengthening. “I promise. And who knows, maybe I'll find something that will help us all.”

As the three friends stood there, gazing out at the horizon, the air around them seemed to hum with energy. The Aether was always present, a constant flow of magic that connected them to the world and to each other.

“Thalia,” Mira said softly, her voice almost drowned out by the sound of the waves. “Before you go, I have something for you.”

Thalia turned to her, curiosity piqued. Mira reached into the folds of her robe and produced a small, intricately carved wooden box. She handed it to Thalia with a solemn expression.

“What's this?” Thalia asked, taking the box.

“Open it,” Mira replied.

Thalia lifted the lid to reveal a shimmering, ruby crystal. It pulsed with a gentle light, resonating with the same energy as her Ember Coin Necklace.

“It's a gift,” Mira explained. “A piece of the Aether Veins. It will enhance your connection to the Echo of Fire and help guide you on your journey.”

Thalia's eyes widened in awe. “Mira, this is incredible. Thank you.”

Mira placed a hand on Thalia’s. “Use it wisely. The world beyond Tidewatch can be dangerous, but I believe you have the strength and wisdom to navigate it.”

Thalia closed the box and tucked it into her satchel. “I won't let you down.”

Kai picked up his hammer and gave her a nod. “Stay safe out there, Thalia. And remember, we'll always be here if you need us.”

Just as Thalia was about to respond, a loud commotion erupted from the village below. The sound of hurried footsteps and raised voices reached the cliffside.

“What’s happening?” Thalia asked, concern etching her features.

Mira’s expression turned grave. “Let’s find out.”

The trio made their way back down to the village, where a group of villagers had gathered around a messenger who looked exhausted and terrified. His clothes were torn and muddy, evidence of a long and arduous journey.

“The Light Aether nation has turned against us," the messenger announced, his voice strained. "They've suddenly become hostile, attacking other Aether nations without warning. They seem... changed, corrupted somehow.”

Gasps and murmurs of fear rippled through the crowd. Thalia felt a chill run down her spine. The Light Aether nation was known for its wisdom and benevolence, their magic a source of healing and guidance. This news changed everything.

 

* * *

 

The village of Tidewatch buzzed with an urgency Thalia had never felt before. The news of the Light Aether nation's sudden and inexplicable aggression had cast a shadow over the usually tranquil coastal settlement. Villagers hurried to and fro, gathering supplies and fortifying defenses, while the council convened in the great hall to discuss their next steps.

Thalia Flameheart stood in the midst of the chaos, her mind racing. The Echo of Fire within her thrummed with energy, urging her to act. She glanced down at the Ember Coin Necklace around her neck, its bronze surface glowing softly. She knew what she had to do.

“Mira,” Thalia called out, spotting the healer among the crowd. Mira was directing villagers to set up a makeshift infirmary in case of attacks, her calm demeanor providing a steadying influence.

Mira looked up, her silver hair glinting in the sunlight. “Thalia, what is it?”

“I need to go to the Light Aether nation,” Thalia said, her voice resolute. “I need to find out what's happened to them and why they've turned against us.”

Mira's eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly composed herself. “Thalia, it's dangerous. If the Light Aether nation has truly turned hostile, you could be walking into a trap.”

“I know the risks," Thalia replied. "But I can't just stay here and do nothing. There's something wrong, something that doesn't make sense. The Light Aether nation has always been our ally. If there's even a chance I can find out what's happened to them and stop this madness, I have to try.”

Mira placed a hand on Thalia's shoulder, her expression serious. “You have a brave heart, Thalia. But promise me you'll be careful. The world beyond Tidewatch is full of dangers, especially now.”

“I promise,” Thalia said, her determination unwavering.

Kai approached, a concerned look on his face. He had been overseeing the fortifications, his presence a reassuring sight to the villagers. “You're really going, aren't you?” he asked, his voice a mix of concern and admiration.

Thalia nodded. “I have to, Kai. I need to find answers.”

Kai sighed, but a small smile tugged at his lips. “Then I'm coming with you.”

Thalia's eyes widened in surprise. “Kai, you can't. The village needs you here.”

“Tidewatch has plenty of strong hands,” Kai replied. “Besides, you're not going alone. You'll need someone to watch your back.”

Thalia hesitated, but she knew Kai was right. His strength and loyalty would be invaluable on such a dangerous journey. “Thank you, Kai,” she said, her voice filled with gratitude.

As they made their way to the council hall, the villagers parted to let them pass. Thalia felt their eyes on her, a mix of hope and fear reflected in their gazes. She knew she was about to undertake a perilous mission, but the thought of uncovering the truth and possibly saving their allies gave her the courage she needed.

Inside the great hall, the council members were deep in discussion. Elders and leaders from various parts of Tidewatch debated their next moves, their voices echoing off the stone walls. Thalia and Kai waited patiently until they were acknowledged.

“Thalia, Kai,” Elder Rowan said, his wise eyes looking over the two young warriors. “What brings you here?”

Thalia stepped forward, her heart pounding. “Elder Rowan, I wish to travel to the Light Aether nation and find out what's happened to them. Their sudden hostility is unlike anything we've seen before. I believe there's more to this than meets the eye.”

Murmurs of concern and skepticism filled the hall, but Elder Rowan raised a hand for silence. “Your bravery is commendable, Thalia. But this journey is fraught with danger. Do you truly believe you can uncover the truth?”

“I do,” Thalia replied firmly. “And I won't be going alone. Kai has agreed to accompany me.”

Elder Rowan looked at Kai, who nodded in affirmation. The elder sighed, his expression conflicted. “Very well. But know that this council will be praying for your safe return. We will provide you with supplies and whatever aid we can spare.”

“Thank you, Elder Rowan,” Thalia said, relief washing over her.

As they left the hall, Mira approached them once more. She handed Thalia a small pouch filled with herbs and potions. “For your journey,” she said. “May they keep you safe and strong.”

Thalia took the pouch, her gratitude evident. “Thank you, Mira. We'll return with answers.”

With their supplies gathered and farewells exchanged, Thalia and Kai stood at the edge of Tidewatch, looking out over the open road that would lead them to the Light Aether nation. The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm, golden glow over the landscape.

“Ready?” Kai asked, his voice steady.

Thalia nodded, her heart full of resolve. “Ready.”

They set off, beginning their journey into the largely uncharted wilderness.

 

II

 

“We need to be sure that one of us is always awake on shifts, to watch for Aetherborn,” Thalia said, glancing at Kai’s large figure as he walked.

“I agree.” Kai met her eyes. “Have you ever seen one? Or even heard stories?” He seemed uncharacteristically nervous about the thought of Aetherborn.

“I’ve seen pictures and heard stories,” Thalia said. “There are different kinds, for not only the different kinds of Aethers, but also different kinds of monsters. They can be as small and harmless as wolf cubs, to as large as grand castles. Those will end you without a second thought.”

Kai smiled faintly. “Good to know.”

They walked in silence for a few hours. They passed through fields and forests. Eventually they stopped sometime in the evening to eat and take a break from walking. 

“How are you holding up?” Kai asked, breaking the comf- ortable silence.

Thalia smiled. “I’m doing fine, how are you feeling?”

“I’m doing alright,” Kai said as he unloaded some things from his pack. "I should begin to catch animals for food before we run out. I'll be back before dark."

[TheSurvivorofDeath]

This is pretty good. I’d like to see some of the world building behind this, if you’d like to share.

[Shardwatcher01 he/him]

I basically just had the general idea and plot and just started writing, so I'm not even sure myself about all of the world building.

11 hours ago, TheSurvivorofDeath said:

This is pretty good. I’d like to see some of the world building behind this, if you’d like to share.

if you have any suggestions please let me know