9/16/2024-ginger_reckoning-hivemind buddycop book, sub 3-L, V, G-4162 words

[ginger_reckoning]

Hey! So this submission has the last section of chapter 3, and then chapter 4, then the start of chapter 5. Going to tag for some pretty heavy violence and some possibly disturbing circumstances of the violence in this one, including alluded-to violence against children. 

 

I don't have many overarching comments, I just want to see what you think about these chapters. Thanks for reading!

[Mandamon he/him]

There was a strange end to chapter 3 and beginning to chapter 5 with this one. I'd just submit full chapters in the future, even if it's under the total word limit. I can't really give meaningful feedback on a couple pages.

Chapter 4 is...interesting. There's a lot of over-the-top action and we see S doing many incredible things. I'm not sure what it achieves though. We're told he destroys the city at the beginning. Is this giving us any more information? I don't know why the city is important, or what destroying it will do. I'd love to know more about his motivation.

Notes while reading:

pg 1: "But over the years, S had always eluded her"
--So what does the montage in the last chapter actually achieve? Can we just start with these characters both being awesome and chasing S? I feel like we haven't actually gotten to the story yet.

pg 2: Oh, this was the end of the last chapter. Right. So same comments apply from last submission then.

pg 4: “Sorry I’m late, I got exploded on the commute” 
--Lol

pg 6: “Man, we have so many left,” 
--There are some funny interludes here, but I'm not sure where this is going.

pg 11: lots of fighting through here, but again, I'm not very connected to the characters. Why is S destroying the city?

pg 12: So the dragon is cool, but there's no buildup to it, and we didn't see it get captured, so it just sort of appears, accentuating that S has all the power.

pg 13: I think defining the stakes here would help a lot with impact. C is a big city, but what will destroying it do? Does it affect the rest of the country? Is it a country? A continent? World? What is S trying to achieve?

Pg 16: not really enough of this chapter to comment yet. Might be better to keep to whole chapters when submitting.