Question 4

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Backtrack would be that guy who comes into the library every week to play World of Warcraft on the public computer and never checks out any books. 

 

(I've never worked in a library, nor do I know anything about the layout or management of libraries. But I do know that the public libraries I've visited in Texas and Illinois have been plagued by legions of teenagers playing video games on the computers. Honestly, I think I was the only teenager in town who actually checked out books.  )

 

There are a lot of retirees where I live, so you don't see that as much at the library I frequent. But I worked at a public high school for a year, and there was actually a pretty large number of students who would come in during lunch just to play computer games. Most of the other lunch-hour students came in to work on homework or do research. There was a handful of students who would check out books, and the ones who did did it pretty frequently, but most teenagers just played games. 

 

Of course, what do you expect when most of the books in your collection are so outdated they haven't been checked out since 1994. (Seriously, there were a few books there that still had the old-fashioned due date cards, and the last date on them was from the mid-90s. Some of the newer books had been checked out more frequently, but you'd be surprised how many were never checked out at all. It didn't help that the librarian bought books she liked to read, and her tastes were very different from those of her students. ) 

[Kobold King he/him]

There are a lot of retirees where I live, so you don't see that as much at the library I frequent. But I worked at a public high school for a year, and there was actually a pretty large number of students who would come in during lunch just to play computer games. Most of the other lunch-hour students came in to work on homework or do research. There was a handful of students who would check out books, and the ones who did did it pretty frequently, but most teenagers just played games. 

 

Of course, what do you expect when most of the books in your collection are so outdated they haven't been checked out since 1994. (Seriously, there were a few books there that still had the old-fashioned due date cards, and the last date on them was from the mid-90s. Some of the newer books had been checked out more frequently, but you'd be surprised how many were never checked out at all. It didn't help that the librarian bought books she liked to read, and her tastes were very different from those of her students. ) 

 

My local library is filled to the brim with old books. I've seldom seen anything from the last decade on its shelves--the most modern piece of literature I could find was a Star Wars novel from the mid-Nineties.

 

But what you will find are old and out-of-print classics. You'll never see the name "Brandon Sanderson" on the spine of a book there, but I've found old and frayed anthologies there filled with Asimov, Clarke, and even Heinlein stories. I even found copies of In the Wake of Sea Serpents and Uninvited Visitors: A Biologist's Look at UFOs--both cryptozoological classics from the 1960s, nigh impossible to find anywhere else.

 

On the other hand, the best fantasy novel I could find there was an old novel by R. A. Salvatore, which repeatedly used the phrase "ample bosom" in an alarmingly non-ironic manner. I stopped reading it once it introduced the queen of the frost giants, who could be found languidly lounging in an ice-carved throne wearing less clothing than the average bikini model. Fantasy novelists in olden times seemed to have something against their heroines wearing anything resembling appropriate clothing.   

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

My local library is filled to the brim with old books. I've seldom seen anything from the last decade on its shelves--the most modern piece of literature I could find was a Star Wars novel from the mid-Nineties.

 

But what you will find are old and out-of-print classics. You'll never see the name "Brandon Sanderson" on the spine of a book there, but I've found old and frayed anthologies there filled with Asimov, Clarke, and even Heinlein stories. I even found copies of In the Wake of Sea Serpents and Uninvited Visitors: A Biologist's Look at UFOs--both cryptozoological classics from the 1960s, nigh impossible to find anywhere else.

 

On the other hand, the best fantasy novel I could find there was an old novel by R. A. Salvatore, which repeatedly used the phrase "ample bosom" in an alarmingly non-ironic manner. I stopped reading it once it introduced the queen of the frost giants, who could be found languidly lounging in an ice-carved throne wearing less clothing than the average bikini model. Fantasy novelists in olden times seemed to have something against their heroines wearing anything resembling appropriate clothing.   

 

That sounds amazing. I adore old books. My university has a rare-books vault where they keep all of the old and fragile books in their collection—they have one by Galileo, annotated by Galileo (basically him reading over his own book and critiquing his ideas in the margins), as well as a number of pocket journals from the Renaissance and colonial America. (Many Puritans would keep pocket journals and pencils with them so they could write down any spiritual insights or questions that occurred to them throughout the work day. I don't know if that's what those were, but I'd love to crack one open and find out.) They even had a scroll. We went on a tour of the vault for my intro course when I entered the library science program, and I had to stuff my hands in my pockets to keep from touching everything.

 

Ah, ye olden days of "ample bosoms." I suspect one of three things: 

 

1. Old-school fantasy writers like Salvatore were from a strange male-only writers cult where they had never met a woman and thus thought chain mail bikinis (!!!!!) were what any warrior woman would wear. 

2. They were from a co-ed cult where women were only permitted to wear leather and chain mail bikinis. No woman was allowed to express disgust, dismay, or even discomfort at these garments. 

3. They liked women in bikinis, and they liked chain mail. Having never seen or worn chain mail, they thought it would translate well into a bikini-like garment. Not one of them bothered to consider the implications of wearing one into battle (um, you left her heart, lungs, and literally every other vital organ, plus a few major arteries exposed, guys). 

 

I for one am glad fantasy has grown up as a genre, though I suspect those cults are still out there. How else do you explain the armor choices of female avatars in MMORPGs?

Edited December 11, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kobold King he/him]

That sounds amazing. I adore old books. My university has a rare-books vault where they keep all of the old and fragile books in their collection—they have one by Galileo, annotated by Galileo (basically him reading over his own book and critiquing his ideas in the margins), as well as a number of pocket journals from the Renaissance and colonial America. (Many Puritans would keep pocket journals and pencils with them so they could write down any spiritual insights or questions that occurred to them throughout the work day. I don't know if that's what those were, but I'd love to crack one open and find out.) They even had a scroll. We went on a tour of the vault for my intro course when I entered the library science program, and I had to stuff my hands in my pockets to keep from touching everything.

 

Ah, ye olden days of "ample bosoms." I suspect one of three things: 

 

1. Old-school fantasy writers like Salvatore were from a strange male-only writers cult where they had never met a woman and thus thought chain mail bikinis (!!!!!) were what any warrior woman would wear. 

2. They were from a co-ed cult where women were only permitted to wear leather and chain mail bikinis. No woman was allowed to express disgust, dismay, or even discomfort at these garments. 

3. They liked women in bikinis, and they liked chain mail. Having never seen or worn chain mail, they thought it would translate well into a bikini-like garment. Not one of them bothered to consider the implications of wearing one into battle (um, you left her heart, lungs, and literally every other vital organ, plus a few major arteries exposed, guys). 

 

I for one am glad fantasy has grown up as a genre, though I suspect those cults are still out there. How else do you explain the armor choices of female avatars in MMORPGs?

 

That sounds immensely fascinating. Even the idea of being close by to books like that sends shivers down my spine.

 

Ooh, I thought of a new Epic!

 

Chainmail Bikini:

 

Powers: Superhuman strength, superhuman agility, superhuman reflexes, superhuman charisma, superhuman bosom.

 

Modus Operandi: Charging blindly into battle in her homemade chainmail bikini.

 

Weakness: Not being considered a paradigm of feminine perfection. Also, bladed weapons.

 

She should come work for The Dalles, as the antagonist/on-off love interest of Lieutenant Mitchins.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Kobold King

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

That sounds immensely fascinating. Even the idea of being close by to books like that sends shivers down my spine.

 

Ooh, I thought of a new Epic!

 

Chainmail Bikini:

 

Powers: Superhuman strength, superhuman agility, superhuman reflexes, superhuman charisma, superhuman bosom.

 

Modus Operandi: Charging blindly into battle in her homemade chainmail bikini.

 

Weakness: Not being considered a paradigm of feminine perfection. Also, bladed weapons.

 

She should come work for The Dalles, as the antagonist/on-off love interest of Lieutenant Mitchins.

 

I wish I could've just sat down and read every single one of them, but most of them were too fragile. I'd love to go back one day, set up an appointment, and take a look at some of the books in their vault with all the proper precautions taken.  

 

Of course Mitchins must face an opponent with the Most Common Super Power.  

 

How did she make a chain mail bikini….at home….? The most obvious answer would be that Funtimes did it, but she only did that once. One of her ex-boyfriends wanted her to change her costume to something more…well, bikini-like, so she turned his costume into a chain mail bikini. 

 

And that is why she can never, ever, ever go back to Cincinnati.

[Kobold King he/him]

I wish I could've just sat down and read every single one of them, but most of them were too fragile. I'd love to go back one day, set up an appointment, and take a look at some of the books in their vault with all the proper precautions taken.

 

Of course Mitchins must face an opponent with the Most Common Super Power.

 

How did she make a chain mail bikini….at home….? The most obvious answer would be that Funtimes did it, but she only did that once. One of her ex-boyfriends wanted her to change her costume to something more…well, bikini-like, so she turned his costume into a chain mail bikini. 

 

And that is why she can never, ever, ever go back to Cincinnati.

 

What does it take to set up an appointment in a library like that? Is there a fee required? Are you supervised by another librarian the whole time?

 

Her armor is supplied by the metalcrafting Epic, Artiste von Fantastico. Apart from having a name that combines three different language conventions, he is capable of spontaneously armor out of thin air, provided the designs align firmly with conventional fantasy tropes. (His weakness is being accused of objectifying women. )

 

I'd like to cast my vote for Nighthound being given the sacred task of touring Oregon, trying to convince all female Epics to switch over to armored bikinis. There's no way he'd survive past his third failed persuasion attempt.   

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

What does it take to set up an appointment in a library like that? Is there a fee required? Are you supervised by another librarian the whole time?

Her armor is supplied by the metalcrafting Epic, Artiste von Fantastico. Apart from having a name that combines three different language conventions, he is capable of spontaneously armor out of thin air, provided the designs align firmly with conventional fantasy tropes. (His weakness is being accused of objectifying women. )

I'd like to cast my vote for Nighthound being given the sacred task of touring Oregon, trying to convince all female Epics to switch over to armored bikinis. There's no way he'd survive past his third failed persuasion attempt.

I don't think there's a fee, and I haven't been able to set up an appointment yet due to homework, but from what I understand you set up the appointment, tell them what you'd like to see, and wait in a reading room while they bring it to you. I'm pretty sure you're supervised, and I'm certain you have to wear gloves and follow any other instructions to the letter.

So he can create useless but shiny armor, and his weakness is anyone who points out the obvious. Even Curveball would call him a minor Epic.

Heck, from what you've told me about him, Mitchins would join the ladies in destroying Nighthound. I say this must happen immediately.

[Kobold King he/him]

I don't think there's a fee, and I haven't been able to set up an appointment yet due to homework, but from what I understand you set up the appointment, tell them what you'd like to see, and wait in a reading room while they bring it to you. I'm pretty sure you're supervised, and I'm certain you have to wear gloves and follow any other instructions to the letter.

So he can create useless but shiny armor, and his weakness is anyone who points out the obvious. Even Curveball would call him a minor Epic.

Heck, from what you've told me about him, Mitchins would join the ladies in destroying Nighthound. I say this must happen immediately.

 

Cool. Just wondering what kind of procedures are in place for making sure old texts are given the chance to become really old texts in the future.

 

Hey, don't mock Artiste von Fantastico! His male allies are very well taken care of. 

 

 

 

 

It's his female colleagues that don't have very high survival rates.

 

Lieutenant Mitchins: Top-notch National Guard recruit, moral champion, and NPC-with-no-first-name.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Cool. Just wondering what kind of procedures are in place for making sure old texts are given the chance to become really old texts in the future.

Hey, don't mock Artiste von Fantastico! His male allies are very well taken care of.

It's his female colleagues that don't have very high survival rates.

Lieutenant Mitchins: Top-notch National Guard recruit, moral champion, and NPC-with-no-first-name.

Oh, they're super careful about that. On the tour, they explained some of the procedures they use when adding new materials to the collection. First they use special chemicals (I don't remember exactly what they use, but they said it doesn't harm the paper and is super gentle) to kill any silverfish. Then they look at the materials, move them to a safe location, and keep the temperature down low (61, I think) so the heat doesn't destroy the really rare materials. There's a lot more to it, but preservation and archiving is an entirely separate branch of library science, that's how detailed it is.

I smell a conspiracy. A conspiracy to rid the world of female Epics.

Mitchell. His first name is Mitchell.

[Kobold King he/him]

Oh, they're super careful about that. On the tour, they explained some of the procedures they use when adding new materials to the collection. First they use special chemicals (I don't remember exactly what they use, but they said it doesn't harm the paper and is super gentle) to kill any silverfish. Then they look at the materials, move them to a safe location, and keep the temperature down low (61, I think) so the heat doesn't destroy the really rare materials. There's a lot more to it, but preservation and archiving is an entirely separate branch of library science, that's how detailed it is.

I smell a conspiracy. A conspiracy to rid the world of female Epics.

Mitchell. His first name is Mitchell.

 

That sounds really interesting. I'll have to do some research into this--I haven't done much reading over the years about how museums and libraries store old materials.

 

Rumor has it that the entire anti-female-Epic conspiracy is based out of Cincinnati, headed by a mysterious male Epic said to be permanently trapped in a chainmail bikini.   

 

Mitchell Mitchins...?

 

 

 

 

 

But I suggest making it Mitchell Mitchins Esquire, in full.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

That sounds really interesting. I'll have to do some research into this--I haven't done much reading over the years about how museums and libraries store old materials.

Rumor has it that the entire anti-female-Epic conspiracy is based out of Cincinnati, headed by a mysterious male Epic said to be permanently trapped in a chainmail bikini.

Mitchell Mitchins...?

But I suggest making it Mitchell Mitchins Esquire, in full.

Permanently? She didn't mean for that to happen. The sight was so ghastly she fled immediately. Perhaps it's a statement as to the brutality of female Epics, but sadly one that prevents him from ever being taken seriously.

(One day. One day, I will go back and name every Epic in Funtimes' League of Evil Exes. )

Agreed. He must be ponified posthaste. Were I on a computer and not my phone, I would do it.

[Newan he/him]

I love the fact that you guys regularly write fan fiction for this fan fiction.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I love the fact that you guys regularly write fan fiction for this fan fiction.

Fanficcers don't stop when the canon is fanfic. If anything, it only encourages them.

[Kobold King he/him]

Permanently? She didn't mean for that to happen. The sight was so ghastly she fled immediately. Perhaps it's a statement as to the brutality of female Epics, but sadly one that prevents him from ever being taken seriously.

(One day. One day, I will go back and name every Epic in Funtimes' League of Evil Exes. )

Agreed. He must be ponified posthaste. Were I on a computer and not my phone, I would do it.

 

I'm still trying to figure out a way to turn this into a cutie mark.

 

 

I love the fact that you guys regularly write fan fiction for this fan fiction.

 

Ooh! I've been waiting ages for an opportunity to say this!

 

Ahem,

 

"You dawg, we wrote fanfiction about your fanfiction so you read fanfiction while you write the fanfiction!"

 

I'm done now.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I'm still trying to figure out a way to turn this into a cutie mark.

Ooh! I've been waiting ages for an opportunity to say this!

Ahem,

"You dawg, we wrote fanfiction about your fanfiction so you read fanfiction while you write the fanfiction!"

I'm done now.

It should be one, but Nighthound would take it out of context. Its a shame there's no button that says "NO BIKINIS MISTER" or something similar.

(What would Mitchins think of Funtimes' old boyfriend's punishment....? )

[Kobold King he/him]

It should be one, but Nighthound would take it out of context. Its a shame there's no button that says "NO BIKINIS MISTER" or something similar.

(What would Mitchins think of Funtimes' old boyfriend's punishment....? )

 

It occurs to me that the RP probably has more Ensemble Darkhorses than My Little Pony.   

 

He'd have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, anyone who endeavors to bring more bikinis into the world must be punished by any means necessary. On the other hand, the sight of a grown and presumably muscular man in a chain mail bikini is not a sight you introduce to the world lightly.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It occurs to me that the RP probably has more Ensemble Darkhorses than My Little Pony.

He'd have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, anyone who endeavors to bring more bikinis into the world must be punished by any means necessary. On the other hand, the sight of a grown and presumably muscular man in a chain mail bikini is not a sight you introduce to the world lightly.

Oh, he was muscular. Called himself Heracles, since he was a bit of a hipster and thought the name Hercules was too mainstream. (Also that he didn't know as much about Greek mythology as he said he did, since Heracles means "glory of Hera" and hints at the way said goddess made his life miserable to repay her husband for his 75737578th affair.) He wore a toga, thinking it showed off his physique. Funtimes was initially drawn to the shiny laurel crown he wore, and when they teamed up to take down her most recent ex, she declared him her boyfriend.

Unfortunately, their relationship was on shaky ground from the start. His repeated reminders of how fragile she was, plus her not so harmless pranks to prove him wrong, placed them at odds. It all ended when he suggested a chain mail bikini, at which she lost her temper and stuck him in one instead.

[Kobold King he/him]

Oh, he was muscular. Called himself Heracles, since he was a bit of a hipster and thought the name Hercules was too mainstream. (Also that he didn't know as much about Greek mythology as he said he did, since Heracles means "glory of Hera" and hints at the way said goddess made his life miserable to repay her husband for his 75737578th affair.) He wore a toga, thinking it showed off his physique. Funtimes was initially drawn to the shiny laurel crown he wore, and when they teamed up to take down her most recent ex, she declared him her boyfriend.

Unfortunately, their relationship was on shaky ground from the start. His repeated reminders of how fragile she was, plus her not so harmless pranks to prove him wrong, placed them at odds. It all ended when he suggested a chain mail bikini, at which she lost her temper and stuck him in one instead.

 

I would totally read "Dates and Fun Times: A WHIO Prequel."

 

Just how many boyfriends did she have? Was she ever actually in danger from one of them, or were all they all below her power level?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I would totally read "Dates and Fun Times: A WHIO Prequel."

Just how many boyfriends did she have? Was she ever actually in danger from one of them, or were all they all below her power level?

I actually haven't decided on an exact number yet. I do know that after she left Seattle, there was a fairly long stretch where she was alone. Her meetings with her boyfriends were....random, to say the least, but I haven't decided exactly how many of those meetings there were. I do know that, for the length of time it was (about two years) the number was somewhat high.

Most of them were near her power level, either right at or slightly above or below. Because of that, she was genuinely in danger a few times (especially from Epics with healing or immortality, plus an offensive power; they didn't go down as easily as she thought they did and, in one case, literally came back to haunt her the next day) and relied on her teleportation ability to escape. (Which is part of why the notion Nathan might only be with her because he doesn't have another option hasn't occurred to her--she's used to being on fairly equal footing with her boyfriends and is so enamored with him that she doesn't stop to think that, hey, I could kill him eight different ways without thinking about it, one of which involves returning him to Fortuity, and he couldn't even shoot me to stop it.)

Edited December 12, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kobold King he/him]

I actually haven't decided on an exact number yet. I do know that after she left Seattle, there was a fairly long stretch where she was alone. Her meetings with her boyfriends were....random, to say the least, but I haven't decided exactly how many of those meetings there were. I do know that, for the length of time it was (about two years) the number was somewhat high.

Most of them were near her power level, either right at or slightly above or below. Because of that, she was genuinely in danger a few times (especially from Epics with healing or immortality, plus an offensive power; they didn't go down as easily as she thought they did and, in one case, literally came back to haunt her the next day) and relied on her teleportation ability to escape. (Which is part of why the notion Nathan might only be with her because he doesn't have another option hasn't occurred to her--she's used to being on fairly equal footing with her boyfriends and is so enamored with him that she doesn't stop to think that, hey, I could kill him eight different ways without thinking about it, one of which involves returning him to Fortuity, and he couldn't even shoot me to stop it.)

 

Funtimes truly does have an astonishing level of naivete. It almost seems like she spent years unconsciously suppressing all the horrible things happening in her world, refusing to accept them while she cultivated her child-like persona and ideology. Are we seeing more of Dark!Funtimes because Oregon events are beginning to shatter her fragile worldview?

 

I for one would be interested in hearing more about these little shards of backstory. The Heracles incident in particular is quite entertaining.

 

Do you have a solid idea who the one who enjoyed drinking poisons as tea was? I know there was a prominent headcanon a few Question threads ago about her dating Earl Greyback, but I don't think that was ever officially confirmed.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Funtimes truly does have an astonishing level of naivete. It almost seems like she spent years unconsciously suppressing all the horrible things happening in her world, refusing to accept them while she cultivated her child-like persona and ideology. Are we seeing more of Dark!Funtimes because Oregon events are beginning to shatter her fragile worldview?

I for one would be interested in hearing more about these little shards of backstory. The Heracles incident in particular is quite entertaining.

Do you have a solid idea who the one who enjoyed drinking poisons as tea was? I know there was a prominent headcanon a few Question threads ago about her dating Earl Greyback, but I don't think that was ever officially confirmed.

In a word: yes. Her backstory goes into the reasons for this, but she's basically an Epic who tried to fight Calamity's fires with fun. It....hasn't worked very well.

Oddly enough, I'd pictured Earl Greyback when I wrote that bit, and you completely coincidentally confirmed it later. But it could be another healing Epic who had a fondness for poisoned tea, if the Earl would consider Funtimes beneath his notice.

[Voidus]

I don't know if I accept the Earl being one of Funtimes' exes, because he would have dated Funtimes like a sir. And a sir does not act like a stupid meanieface full of lame.

[Kobold King he/him]

In a word: yes. Her backstory goes into the reasons for this, but she's basically an Epic who tried to fight Calamity's fires with fun. It....hasn't worked very well.

Oddly enough, I'd pictured Earl Greyback when I wrote that bit, and you completely coincidentally confirmed it later. But it could be another healing Epic who had a fondness for poisoned tea, if the Earl would consider Funtimes beneath his notice.

 

It would have worked if Calamity hadn't been a ginormous meanieface full of meanness.   

 

I don't have many solid details about Earl Greyback, actually. All I know is that New New England isn't actually anywhere near New England--I've pictured it as being somewhere in the middle of Nevada, on land no other Epic bothered claiming. But since the Fate or spirit that governs web RPGs has decided Greyback and Funtimes were a couple at some point, we have no choice but to accept it's ruling.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

It would have worked if Calamity hadn't been a ginormous meanieface full of meanness.

I don't have many solid details about Earl Greyback, actually. All I know is that New New England isn't actually anywhere near New England--I've pictured it as being somewhere in the middle of Nevada, on land no other Epic bothered claiming. But since the Fate or spirit that governs web RPGs has decided Greyback and Funtimes were a couple at some point, we have no choice but to accept it's ruling.

Calamity ruins everything. And thanks to that stupid star, brace yourself for more dark!Funtimes in future posts.

Then it looks like they were a couple. Well, until she got creeped out by the tea thing.

Also, Nevada? Nevada sucks, Earl Greyback.

[Kobold King he/him]

I don't know if I accept the Earl being one of Funtimes' exes, because he would have dated Funtimes like a sir. And a sir does not act like a stupid meanieface full of lame.

How do you know that Funtimes wasn't the dumpee of the relationship?   

Calamity ruins everything. And thanks to that stupid star, brace yourself for more dark!Funtimes in future posts.

Then it looks like they were a couple. Well, until she got creeped out by the tea thing.

Also, Nevada? Nevada sucks, Earl Greyback.

Darn it Calamity. If it weren't for you Steelheart would have been a romantic comedy, and this RP could have been a sitcom about librarians and Oregon landscape developers.