Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

15 minutes ago, Darkness Ascendant said:

@TwiLyghtSansSparkles, yeesh I had no idea *hugs*. But I can also safely say, it could have been alot worse.

I'm not sure how you meant this comment, but that sort of thinking kept me from realizing just how bad my situation was for years. In high school, I had a "friend" whose dad was physically abusive, and she responded to all my complaints by angrily packing up her stuff and tossing off a "Well, at least YOU don't have to deal with what I have to deal with!" Her anger and derision was a large part of what kept me mired in thinking that my parents were amazing and I was just an ungrateful little cremling for wishing they'd treat me better. I didn't get out of that trap until I was twenty-five, because I had been told again and again that my situation could have been a lot worse. 

This came out a lot angrier than I'd intended. I'm sorry. Just...don't say that to abuse victims. They don't need to hear that their situation could be a lot worse. They already know. 

[JUQ he/him]

13 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'm not sure how you meant this comment, but that sort of thinking kept me from realizing just how bad my situation was for years. In high school, I had a "friend" whose dad was physically abusive, and she responded to all my complaints by angrily packing up her stuff and tossing off a "Well, at least YOU don't have to deal with what I have to deal with!" Her anger and derision was a large part of what kept me mired in thinking that my parents were amazing and I was just an ungrateful little cremling for wishing they'd treat me better. I didn't get out of that trap until I was twenty-five, because I had been told again and again that my situation could have been a lot worse. 

This came out a lot angrier than I'd intended. I'm sorry. Just...don't say that to abuse victims. They don't need to hear that their situation could be a lot worse. They already know. 

Indeed, your situation could be a lot worse. However, it could also be much, much better. Saying, "Well, Twi's got a difficult life, but it could be a lot worse so we don't need to support her," is like saying, "The Terrismen are oppressed by TLR, but the skaa have it a lot worse so there's no need to worry about them."

Edited October 5, 2016 by The True Survivor

[Silverblade5 he/him]

2 hours ago, Cognizantastic said:

Things are going horrifically for Make-a-Wish.

The school is saturated with fundraisers. Groups like Costa Rica Club pump out events like no tomorrow, backed by full administrative support because all higher faculty is going on the trip. Formerly successful events are reduced to shadows of their former selves, simply because organizations with more favor from those with power are draining cash from what I once saw as Altruism Territory. 

Our advisor is leaving. Once she's gone, the principal will descend like a bird of prey and tear our fundraising capability to shreds, if he doesn't cancel us outright. The Father-Daughter Dance, our biggest event (it pulled in 4100 dollars last year, almost an entire Wish) will be stripped from us to be given to ASB or PTC or ROTC or whatever other group he has decided to favor. No one else has stepped to the plate. Even if we do manage to pull someone up, they won't be able to effectively fight administration as our previous advisor did due to inexperience and reliance upon them for their job. I am eloquent and fairly persuasive, but wield no true political power. Once she's gone, so are her clout and expertise. 

In short, the golden age is over. We will likely never again adopt 3 wishes in a year.

But damned if I won't try. 

Are there any grocery stores near you that have a system where you can put money on a store sponsored card, and then get cash back when you use that card there and at locations that place sponsors? If so, would it be possible to create a joint account for the club, and then get such a card for each club member so that all cash back received goes to previously mentioned joint account?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

5 minutes ago, The True Survivor said:

Indeed, your situation could be a lot worse. However, it could also be much, much better. Saying, "Well, Twi's got a difficult life, but it could be a lot worse so we don't need to support her," is like saying, "The Terrismen are oppressed by TLR, but the skaa have it a lot worse so there's no need to worry about them."

And, yeah, there is a line somewhere, where it stops being "your situation could be a lot worse" and becomes "seriously, dude, that's not abuse." But I find that kids whose parents aren't abusive don't sit around wondering if their parents are abusive; and I think that all abuse is serious and should be addressed seriously. Sure, it could've been a lot worse, but the fact that I'm 26 years old and still dealing with the psychological and emotional fallout of crem that happened when I was a very young teenager—and, if you want to go further back, stuff that happened when I wasn't even old enough to go to school—means that, like Survivor pointed out, it could have been a lot better. It should have been a lot better. 

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

18 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

I'm not sure how you meant this comment, but that sort of thinking kept me from realizing just how bad my situation was for years. In high school, I had a "friend" whose dad was physically abusive, and she responded to all my complaints by angrily packing up her stuff and tossing off a "Well, at least YOU don't have to deal with what I have to deal with!" Her anger and derision was a large part of what kept me mired in thinking that my parents were amazing and I was just an ungrateful little cremling for wishing they'd treat me better. I didn't get out of that trap until I was twenty-five, because I had been told again and again that my situation could have been a lot worse. 

This came out a lot angrier than I'd intended. I'm sorry. Just...don't say that to abuse victims. They don't need to hear that their situation could be a lot worse. They already know. 

damnation. I always say the wrong thing. 

[JUQ he/him]

49 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

And, yeah, there is a line somewhere, where it stops being "your situation could be a lot worse" and becomes "seriously, dude, that's not abuse." But I find that kids whose parents aren't abusive don't sit around wondering if their parents are abusive; and I think that all abuse is serious and should be addressed seriously. Sure, it could've been a lot worse, but the fact that I'm 26 years old and still dealing with the psychological and emotional fallout of crem that happened when I was a very young teenager—and, if you want to go further back, stuff that happened when I wasn't even old enough to go to school—means that, like Survivor pointed out, it could have been a lot better. It should have been a lot better. 

I dunno. I can't really offer much support, because I only know what you're missing out on. I personally have very supportive parents, and I live in the same town as them and usually see them weekly. In your situation I wouldn't go, because there's simply no reason for you to do so. Don't attempt to hide anything about it, and be honest with your parents, and say something like, "I don't believe that it would be the ideal situation for all of us if I came." IDK, but I've always believed that brutal honesty is always the best policy. However, as I said, I can't identify with your situation at all because my parents are wonderful people. All I can do is offer my (probably worthless) advice.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Thanks for all of your input on the Christmas thing, guys. I thought I should tell you what I've decided. 

I've decided to go. Not because I feel like I owe this to my parents, but for other reasons. 

First, the purely positive ones. I'll get to see my siblings, who I haven't seen in months. We have a pretty good relationship, and get along well in person. I'll get to see Bruno and Mollie—and since Bruno is getting pretty old, morbid as this sounds, I may not get another chance. I'll get to have a Christmas with real snow, something I haven't had since before the move to Tucson. I'll be taking Bruce with me, so I'll know he'll be okay. Everything I've read online says that pugs are fine to fly if you take them in the cabin, and many airlines don't allow short-nosed dogs in the cargo hold anyway. (Not that I'd want him in there—I tend to worry.) My parents already know that I only have five days of leave saved up and that I want to leave at least one of them untouched, so this visit won't be terribly long. (I do have a floating holiday that I need to use before the year ends, but I haven't told them that.) The holidays are usually pleasant in the Twiparent household, so I won't be getting the full brunt of Twiparent awfulness. 

Now for the strategic reasons. 

Things between me and my parents haven't been volatile at all; in fact, they've been rather peaceful. If I cut things off now, they'd wonder what the storms was going on—and all of their imagined reasons would place me in one unflattering position after another. In other words, if I don't do this, they'll suspect that either something is terribly wrong or that I have something to hide; and if they think I have something to hide, they will do everything they can to find out what it is. Going home for Christmas will be one small step to keep them off my back. 

Next, I know my parents. I know they probably suspect things about my current lifestyle, things that they don't let on about when we're talking over the phone. Seeing them in person, hearing their conversations, picking up all the little hints they drop, will give me a better idea of just what they're assuming and will allow me to decide how I should deal with that. Not how to hide it, but when to address it and how. 

If I don't do this, they'll have something to hold over my head when I do come clean about all of the stuff I need to come clean about. I know I'll need to address all of that stuff eventually, and when I do, I know they're going to dredge up any evidence against me that they have. Not going home for Christmas would be a huge piece of ammunition in their hands, and they can and will twist it a hundred different ways. I don't want to give them any more ammunition than I have to. 

Finally, I know I'll have to cut things off with them eventually, whether temporarily or permanently. I also know that refusing to go home for Christmas, when I don't have any close friends in my area, will send a powerful message. Right now, when things are fairly peaceful, isn't the right time to send that message. It's the nuclear option, and I'll need to save it for when I need to send a strong message: "The way you're treating me is not okay, and if you continue to treat me like this, there will be consequences." If I send that message when they've done nothing to provoke me, they'll interpret it as me being a brat. I need to send that message at a time when things are bad enough that the only possible interpretation is, "Twimom. Twidad. STAHP." 

[Djarskublar he/him]

48 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Thanks for all of your input on the Christmas thing, guys. I thought I should tell you what I've decided. 

I've decided to go. Not because I feel like I owe this to my parents, but for other reasons. 

First, the purely positive ones. I'll get to see my siblings, who I haven't seen in months. We have a pretty good relationship, and get along well in person. I'll get to see Bruno and Mollie—and since Bruno is getting pretty old, morbid as this sounds, I may not get another chance. I'll get to have a Christmas with real snow, something I haven't had since before the move to Tucson. I'll be taking Bruce with me, so I'll know he'll be okay. Everything I've read online says that pugs are fine to fly if you take them in the cabin, and many airlines don't allow short-nosed dogs in the cargo hold anyway. (Not that I'd want him in there—I tend to worry.) My parents already know that I only have five days of leave saved up and that I want to leave at least one of them untouched, so this visit won't be terribly long. (I do have a floating holiday that I need to use before the year ends, but I haven't told them that.) The holidays are usually pleasant in the Twiparent household, so I won't be getting the full brunt of Twiparent awfulness. 

Now for the strategic reasons. 

Things between me and my parents haven't been volatile at all; in fact, they've been rather peaceful. If I cut things off now, they'd wonder what the storms was going on—and all of their imagined reasons would place me in one unflattering position after another. In other words, if I don't do this, they'll suspect that either something is terribly wrong or that I have something to hide; and if they think I have something to hide, they will do everything they can to find out what it is. Going home for Christmas will be one small step to keep them off my back. 

Next, I know my parents. I know they probably suspect things about my current lifestyle, things that they don't let on about when we're talking over the phone. Seeing them in person, hearing their conversations, picking up all the little hints they drop, will give me a better idea of just what they're assuming and will allow me to decide how I should deal with that. Not how to hide it, but when to address it and how. 

If I don't do this, they'll have something to hold over my head when I do come clean about all of the stuff I need to come clean about. I know I'll need to address all of that stuff eventually, and when I do, I know they're going to dredge up any evidence against me that they have. Not going home for Christmas would be a huge piece of ammunition in their hands, and they can and will twist it a hundred different ways. I don't want to give them any more ammunition than I have to. 

Finally, I know I'll have to cut things off with them eventually, whether temporarily or permanently. I also know that refusing to go home for Christmas, when I don't have any close friends in my area, will send a powerful message. Right now, when things are fairly peaceful, isn't the right time to send that message. It's the nuclear option, and I'll need to save it for when I need to send a strong message: "The way you're treating me is not okay, and if you continue to treat me like this, there will be consequences." If I send that message when they've done nothing to provoke me, they'll interpret it as me being a brat. I need to send that message at a time when things are bad enough that the only possible interpretation is, "Twimom. Twidad. STAHP." 

I think you have brought together all of the feedback given to make an excellent decision... in advance. Still dunno how it will turn out, of course. Best of luck.

[Sunbird she/her]

Best of luck, @TwiLyghtSansSparkles. The reasoning you laid out in your above post makes good sense, and I hope things pan out like you are planning and hoping. *hugs*

[Oversleep]

My internet is constantly dead and the uni year has already started and I actually need it. Soon, I will need it bad.

Also, my parents (who are out of country since 1,5 week) still don't know I'm retaking the year. I wanted to tell them before they flew but there was no opportunity (and I looked hard for one, I tried hard to make one). I say 'opportunity' because I can't just randomly blurt out "I failed a year". Before that I needed to say "I need to talk to you, to both of you". And picking a time when they are at peace and there is no chullstorm going on in the house is hard.

So when they get back they'll suddenly discover that I'm not on the third year... I know I should've told them earlier, I know. I'm just not used to telling them I failed somehting significant in my life. Major screwups are new grounds to me.

[PantsForSquares he/him]

Welp. So I failed my chemical engineering exam! It's still better than the class average, but this does not look good for my grade in the class

[Sunbird she/her]

Sorry to hear about y'all's academic difficulties, @Oversleep and @PantsForSquares. School has been the cause of some awful stress in my life too... I'm sure it probably has been for everyone who's ever gone to high school or college.

[Darkness Ascendant he/him]

3 hours ago, Sunbird said:

Sorry to hear about y'all's academic difficulties, @Oversleep and @PantsForSquares. School has been the cause of some awful stress in my life too... I'm sure it probably has been for everyone who's ever gone to high school or college.

Stress indeed. My parents somehow seem to overlook whenever I get straight A/Bs and focus on the one subject I'm bad at (relatively), which is maths. 

[The Honor Spren she/her]

Sooooooo . . . Hurricane Matthew is hitting the space coast (area of Florida where my house is) directly. If you haven't really heard about Hurricane Matthew, it's that one hurricane that keeps going between category 4 and 5. 

I mean, at least I'm not there? And someone in our ward put up our hurricane shutters for us? But . . . I'm still super worried.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Just now, The Honor Spren said:

Sooooooo . . . Hurricane Matthew is hitting the space coast (area of Florida where my house is) directly. If you haven't really heard about Hurricane Matthew, it's that one hurricane that keeps going between category 4 and 5. 

I mean, at least I'm not there? And someone in our ward put up our hurricane shutters for us? But . . . I'm still super worried.

If you haven't seen the picture of Hurricane Matthew (and if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about) then do not look it up now. 

Hope everything is okay over there, Honor Spren.  

[Jondesu he/him]

I'm hunkering down for the storm now. Fortunate I'm inland unlike @The Honor Spren (glad you're not actually there, stay safe!), but we're still in the area expected to have hurricane force winds for quite a while. I had been fairly nonchalant about it until yesterday, but my stress level has been skyrocketing now, and I stayed awake until 5AM last night watching coverage and just stressing out. Too many pine trees too close to our house, a likelihood of power being out for multiple days (which for us means no running water since we're on a well with an electric pump). Some very scary possibilities.

jW

[soyperson]

15 minutes ago, Jondesu said:

I'm hunkering down for the storm now. Fortunate I'm inland unlike @The Honor Spren (glad you're not actually there, stay safe!), but we're still in the area expected to have hurricane force winds for quite a while. I had been fairly nonchalant about it until yesterday, but my stress level has been skyrocketing now, and I stayed awake until 5AM last night watching coverage and just stressing out. Too many pine trees too close to our house, a likelihood of power being out for multiple days (which for us means no running water since we're on a well with an electric pump). Some very scary possibilities.

jW

I'm going to Universal on the 19th, a little terrified. 

Also, going to North Carolina tomorrow. 

We'll probably be feeling the aftershocks of the storm pretty soon. 

I hope you guys all stay safe. 

[Magestar he/him]

58 minutes ago, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

If you haven't seen the picture of Hurricane Matthew (and if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about) then do not look it up now. 

-looks up-

Wow.  That's somewhat disturbing.

Spoiler

IT'S A SKULL.  

Jk.

And there are already memes of it.  

The storm looks mildly worisome just by normal storm patterns.  It's somewhat dulled for me, since I don't live there, but I have friends in florida who are worried about it.

I hope everything turns out all right.  

[The Honor Spren she/her]

The headline under the story about the storm that we're watching right now says "This storm will kill you" 

Isn't that reassuring. 

I hope all my friends have evacuated. 

[Jondesu he/him]

1 hour ago, bleeder said:

I'm going to Universal on the 19th, a little terrified. 

Also, going to North Carolina tomorrow. 

We'll probably be feeling the aftershocks of the storm pretty soon. 

I hope you guys all stay safe. 

By the 19th everything will be back to normal in that area, no worries. The coastlines will have the more long lasting impact.

I have a good friend who's getting married next weekend, hoping everything is fine for her by then. I know there are/we're several weddings this weekend, though, and I can't help but think some might end up postponed.

Edit: @The Honor Spren, I know why they're saying that. A lot of Floridians grab some water and a couple packs of beer or bottles of wine, and just don't take these seriously. This storm is a killer, both winds and storm surge, and they don't want anyone ignoring evacuation orders.

jW

Edited October 6, 2016 by Jondesu

[soyperson]

Guys this is an actual radar photo of Matthew:

[Zathoth]

Its a skull. It is really amusing to me. Nature itself is celebrating the greatest of holidays.

Because nothing important happens in December anyway.

[soyperson]

Just now, Zathoth said:

Its a skull. It is really amusing to me. Nature itself is celebrating the greatest of holidays.

Because nothing important happens in December anyway.

Amusing, and yet rusting terrifying. 

When I first saw this thing, I said some words that would not get past the swear filter.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Night Vale: 

Spoiler

It's the Smiling God.  

 

[Zathoth]

51 minutes ago, bleeder said:

Amusing, and yet rusting terrifying. 

When I first saw this thing, I said some words that would not get past the swear filter.

That is the point! It is the spooky time of the year.

Well, you are stormed, good thing I dont live over there.