Shaggai Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Inspired by the two apparent erstwhile themes (i. e. songs, and the People to Avoid list), I've made this parody. Link to the original When You're Ruin - (Uh... who's the Cosmere equivalent of Voltaire? Jasnah Kholin?) When Preservation is too busy And death is not too much They call on me by name, you see For my special touch To the gentlemen, I'm Miss Fortune To the ladies, I'm Sir Prize But call me by any name Any way it's all the same I'm the kandra with your bones I'm the axe that's made of stone I'm the wraith outside your door I'm the koloss in the horde I'm the city as it burns I'm the one who makes you turn I'm the spike in your eye Makes you wriggle and writhe And it's so easy when you're Ruin This is the life, you see Odium tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm Ruin And I do it all for free Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need While there's still more falling ash While there's atium in the cache While there's 'Quisitors to control While I still haven't reached my goal I'll be there, I'll be waiting by the Shardpool It's a game, I'm glad I'm in it 'Cause there's one born every minute And it's so easy when you're Ruin This is the life, you see Oium tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm Ruin And I do it all for free Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need I pledge my allegiance to entropy And I promise on the Ashmounts' vents To follow my Intent, Adonalsium Has never seen a Shard who's quite like me Not only does his job, but does it happily I'm the coins shot in the night I'm the glory of the fight I'm the Citizen-set fire I'm the circumstances dire I'm a slap that breaks your head And then the spear that strikes you dead I'm the spike shoved through your heart A new Inquisitor gets his start And it's so easy when you're Ruin This is the life, you see Odium tips his hat to me I do it all because I'm Ruin And I do it all for free Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need And I do it all for free Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need And I do it all for free Your deaths are all the pay I'll ever need It gets so lonely being Ruin What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're Ruin... I'm lying though my teeth! Your deaths are all the company I need. Edited May 9, 2014 by Shaggai 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 This Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkasZelda Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) So in a PM, BreathTaker asked if I wanted to do this rap. INSANELY FLATTERED ;//////; Here you go, friend (I made a few changes and added some things. Hope that's fine!) Edited May 9, 2014 by LinkasZelda 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Holy Storms girl, that was awesome. Would you PLEASE post the new and improved lyrics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaring at the Survivor he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 That rap... it hurt me so much I impaled my ears with metal, started filling my tinmind with hearing, and made my trip to Ashyn worthwhile... Haha, just kidding. Nice job. Aaaaand I can pun practically anything else now. But not Cosmere! Wait. Why not. Cosmere all out of ideas! (See dat? 'Cos me 're) Yeah, my puns used to be sp tanavast greatness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 So in a PM, BreathTaker asked if I wanted to do this rap. INSANELY FLATTERED ;//////; Here you go, friend (I made a few changes and added some things. Hope that's fine!) You are a sti-CROCODILE! what? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Joe in the Bush Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Indeed I have to agree with Delightful in saying that it's absolutely full of Delights. I read Your Sig by the Way Delightful. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Indeed I have to agree with Delightful in saying that it's absolutely full of Delights. I read Your Sig by the Way Delightful. Sadly, not enough Turkish Delights. Suuugaaaarrrrrrr............ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkasZelda Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) You are a sti-CROCODILE! what? It was the first hat within reach. But also YEAH ALIGATORS, STORMFATHER! Lyrics are in the description for the video (in the youtubes) I can't copy and paste from YouTube on my phone. Edited May 9, 2014 by LinkasZelda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Apparently Breathtaker is already a group of some sort. It looked like a local rock band but I'm not sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Left he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) Nicely done both of you! I loved the lyrics and the performance. I don't listen to rap normally and I think this Ruins any others that I would ever listen to. I Rayse my hat to you both. Edit: Also do I see Inuyasha on the shelf behind you? Edited May 9, 2014 by CalebTheGeek 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinkasZelda Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Nicely done both of you! I loved the lyrics and the performance. I don't listen to rap normally and I think this Ruins any others that I would ever listen to. I Rayse my hat to you both. Edit: Also do I see Inuyasha on the shelf behind you? Thank you, thank you. I had to Steel my nerves and Push my anxieties away to do it! (not really though. The crowd on these forums is pretty nice) Yes you did. I have a pretty sizable collection of Manga. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Left he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Nice, I'm Lurching through the series right now. I've had to have some Devotion to get this far because I've had to watch the anime and read the ani-manga in order to fill in the gaps in my library's manga. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasimir he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Why did no one want to go to the pub with the Steel Inquisitor? Because they were afraid he might spike their drinks! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 9, 2014 Report Share Posted May 9, 2014 Have an upvote. That's funny Crem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaggai Posted May 10, 2014 Report Share Posted May 10, 2014 Breathtaker's Cosmere rap was awesome, so I decided to try my hand at Roshar-related rap (hehe, alliteration). Here's my first attempt. I apologize if it's terrible. Blackthorn They call me Dalinar Kholin, I'm the storming Blackthorn Don't try and fight me, little cremling, or you'll wish you're never born I swing a six-foot storming Shardblade it'll sever your soul Under my brother to unite all of Alethkar is my goal If you try and rap against me I'll just turn and cut you down Hack my way through your whole army and I'll take your prince's crown Leave his eyes burned out and his body on the ground Bars deadlier than a whitespine so run when you hear this sound Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie The Thrill is coming hard I kill with my storming Shardblade Use my skill to smash your guards Rhyming ill like I'm a bard My Shardplate gives me strength and speed that you can never touch When the Blackthorn's truly freed I'll leave you walking with a crutch My syllables will rip you up like a chasmfiend's claws I'll beat you down 'til finally you say that I'm the boss Bring my oaths from Kholinar all the way to the Shattered Plains My Blade Oathbringer hits you and your eyes turn into flames Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie Blackthorn! Blackthorn! Don't even dare to try If the Blackthorn comes for you, know that you are gonna die It's already far too late, so prepare to face your fate I would say that there's a hope, but I wouldn't want to lie 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsworn Panda he/him Posted May 10, 2014 Report Share Posted May 10, 2014 CalebTheGeek, on 08 May 2014 - 04:04 AM, said: I agree, Compound this and the "You know your a Sanderfan when..." and we'll never run out of groans- I mean laughs. I would say compounding them increases our laughs tenfold. (Collapses from all the bad puns and references) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaring at the Survivor he/him Posted May 10, 2014 Report Share Posted May 10, 2014 *slips and falls* I'm just that Awesome. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Left he/him Posted May 10, 2014 Report Share Posted May 10, 2014 (Collapses from all the bad puns and references) Well I hope you didn't hit your head and slip into Darkness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 10, 2014 Report Share Posted May 10, 2014 (edited) Great LSP, now you're going to have a crescent scar on your face. "Amaram's line is bulging in this direction" heh Edited May 10, 2014 by BreathTaker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaring at the Survivor he/him Posted May 11, 2014 Report Share Posted May 11, 2014 Well I hope you didn't hit your head and slip into Darkness. Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 387973120 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 442165552 bytes) in Unknown on line 0 Just turn up the friction... Stick instead of Slick. (And that's a double-pun. OH YEAH!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel he/him Posted May 27, 2014 Report Share Posted May 27, 2014 I steel haven't been able to think of any puns for this groan worthy thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delightful Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 I steel haven't been able to think of any puns for this groan worthy thread That was Breath-takingly awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BreathTaker he/him Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Awwwww 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifth of Daybreak he/him Posted May 29, 2014 Report Share Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) Why did Susebron get an iphone? So he could ask Siri questions whenever he wants. Edited May 29, 2014 by EMTrevor 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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