TMonsta he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 I am the lurker that flaps in the night. I am the sneeze that you cannot sneeze. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soyperson Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 Just now, TMonsta said: I am the sneeze that you cannot sneeze. *bats at nose annoyedly whilst inhaling deeply* Agh. Really, though, y'all, this dude wins Best Intro 2017. Welcome to the 17th Shard. *"The Ballad of Fiedler and Mundt" by Disparition starts playing softly in the background* 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMonsta he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 My intro made me change my avatar...but that's not a bad thing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Modal Seoul he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 Greetings! That explains my heavily congested nose! Have an upvote and some Wonder bread. Welcome to the Shard! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Extesian he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) The itch between the shoulderblades? The yawn during the business meeting? The cat that you need to call inside? The Escher drawing to the person that needs closure? The seed stuck between your teeth when you have no toothpick? The sentence with no full stop? The metaphor that has no... Edit: welcome to the Shard Edited March 29, 2017 by Extesian 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrikerEZ he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 This has to be probably be one of my favorite intros ever. Good job, and avoid the cookies! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMonsta he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 9 minutes ago, Extesian said: The itch between the shoulderblades? The yawn during the business meeting? The cat that you need to call inside? The Escher drawing to the person that needs closure? The seed stuck between your teeth when you have no toothpick? The sentence with no full stop? The metaphor that has no... Edit: welcome to the Shard The gum stuck in your hair. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkness Ascendant he/him Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 flapping lurkers... not gonna get that imagery outta my head now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rage he/him Posted March 31, 2017 Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 Welcome, the cookies are good. I am the ancient dragon that controls all storms... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMonsta he/him Posted March 31, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 Well I don't do alcohol and I heard that the cookies were spiked. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rage he/him Posted March 31, 2017 Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 WHERE'D YOU HEAR TH- I mean no, no they're not. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Secret Corner he/him Posted March 31, 2017 Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 15 hours ago, TMonsta said: Well I don't do alcohol and I heard that the cookies were spiked. Well first, hello and welcome to the 17th Shard. I am one of the more hospitable members of the shard, and find offering cookies to be a duty! And for your information, they are not spiked, i.e. they do no contain poisons, toxins, explosives, alcohol, or other dangerous things. In fact, at least some of the cookies anyway, are a good source of iron. Your body uses iron to manufacture hemoglobin, which your body uses to spread oxygen, which is in essence the point of breathing. Thus, cookies can help you breathe! If you want the full disclaimer, look in the spoiler. (spoilered for size). Spoiler Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.Trespassers will be spiked.˙ʍolloɟ llᴉʍ ʇxǝʇ pǝʇɹǝʌuᴉ ǝɹoW ˙ʎɔuǝᴉɔᴉɟɟǝ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ǝzᴉɯᴉxɐɯ oʇ uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐʇoɹ ǝsɐǝlԀ ˙uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ʇᴉɟ oʇ pǝʇʇɐɯɹoɟ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇxǝʇ sᴉɥ┴ Approved by the FDA. Made in a facility that also processes wheat, eggs, and radioactive materials. ¡noʎ ploʇ 'ǝǝS White text included at no additional charge.This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMonsta he/him Posted April 1, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2017 (edited) Oh well, in that case I was told that I have too much iron in my diet already. I mean I would hate for my diet to be ruined. Edited April 1, 2017 by TMonsta 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zennix he/him Posted April 4, 2017 Report Share Posted April 4, 2017 On Saturday, April 01, 2017 at 4:18 AM, TMonsta said: Oh well, in that case I was told that I have too much iron in my diet already. I mean I would hate for my diet to be ruined. Ruin is dead. Also, didn't you get the memo from Ironeyes, "Hemalurgy is good now". So, share the love by sharing the cookies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Staccato he/him Posted April 5, 2017 Report Share Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) On 3/31/2017 at 11:55 AM, TMonsta said: Well I don't do alcohol and I heard that the cookies were spiked. Finally an intro savvy-sharder. P.S. Though technically some sharders can only go so far as offer you "cookies", some of the older denizens have been known to circumvent this by just going ahead and stabbing you with the sp- er, "cookies." (I'm looking at you @Oversleep...) If you see the aforementioned name above coming. Just run, kay? Edited April 5, 2017 by Mr. Staccato 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMonsta he/him Posted April 6, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2017 Although I do wonder how powerful Cookie Monster would become in the 17th Shard...Cookie Monster OP! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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