Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 So, I'm working on developing a new magic system for a novel I'm starting. The magic works by essentially 'drawing out' the possibility in an item, allowing it to function... better. For example, a sword affected by this magic would become harder, stronger, sharper, and lighter. A person with this magic can enhance themselves, heightening their physical abilities, ability to process information, and so forth. A higher form of magic is obtained when using a 'focus', an item which, when improved, instead affects the person improving it, granting them some form of limited supernatural power. For example, one character possess a focus which enables him to manipulate air pressure (pleasedon'thitme). I would welcome suggestions for other foci. A few more things are possible with this magic, but I want a decent working name to use before I work any farther on developing it. Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 What feeling are you aiming at with the world? Because I think this has a big impact on haw you should name things. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Its intended to be a world set after the Hero defeats the Big Bad (except not really), so its intended to be hopeful, but with a undertone of darkness. Allthough I'm not really sure if it matters that much. Allomancy is still a good name for what it does regardless of the setting. After all, the Final Empire and Alloy of Law have vastly different feels, but allomancy works fine as a title in both of them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 True, but 2 others would sound stupid in a "magic is mystickal" kind of setting, while they work great with hard magic. This being said, I like simple names best. Enchancing? Perfecting? Or maybe something related to the word "paragon", but I have no idea on how to make a good word of it. I'm not very creative in English, unfortunately. If I were to make something in a language more natural for me, I'd look for something related to distilling, condensing, generally picking the essential part of something, gem-cutting maybe. Or if this magic is less "make it an ideal of this thing" and more "make it what it could be with more luck" (reminds me of Forgery from tES, BTW), maybe something relatedo to "fortune"? Or to prunning a tree --- I got a mental image of a tree of possibilities, and you prune the bad ones, and just like with a real tree it gets better and prettier. A bit of brainstorming, hope you don't mind? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 To Eri:This isn't a 'magical is mystickal' type setting. You have the idea. I like the idea of a tree of posibilites. Perfecter... Perfecting... that has potentional. So does the Idea of something with paragon, but I hit the same wall you did. As for your second point, its sort of a mix of the two. It is "Make this what it could be if it was more than natural". In this world, there is also using magic and a focus to affect things outside of yourself or objects, such as heating up a stone or taking a Fenrix's head off with a directed shockwave. That's called Kenetic Engenering, but it was discovered much latter than normal magic. I never mind brainstorm/sugestions, thanks. Also, what someone using this magic could do with a few hundred BioChromatic Breaths... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver he/him Posted February 12, 2014 Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 Sorry, random thought, but the idea of drawing something out of an object, taking it to it's height of quality... For some reason, I think of that and think of the word Polish. I don't know if it's any use or not, but... I don't know. I'm reminded of wiping a table down to make it shine. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2014 I've got a name I like, I'm going with Perfecting. Thanks for the help. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 13, 2014 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Sorry, random thought, but the idea of drawing something out of an object, taking it to it's height of quality... For some reason, I think of that and think of the word Polish. LOL. I felt confused and complemented, then I realised you mean "making it shine", not "something made in Poland". Heir of the Void, you're welcome. I'm glad you found something. Edited February 13, 2014 by Eri 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 This is what I have so far. Basiclly, the main character wakes up, finds that his village is being raided by Parshendi Knockoffs monsters, kills one, and discovers that he's a Perfecter. This is just a rough first draft, so I'm well aware it probably is complete crap needs some work, but I would greatly like sugestions, comments, and ideas for where you guys think the Plot should go. (Like to my google doc, commenting enabled.) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hh4ct2e27-4wI3zv4kJAgai7nF9QtDXJiLz3Xa0O7iA/edit 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 13, 2014 Report Share Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Very nice to read. I recommend you guys to go see it and support my nitpicking comment. Good job, Veil of the Hoid... erm, Heir of the Void, I mean. Now go write 2nd chapter and 3rd. (In case you don't listen to Writing Excuses --- there is a rule you officially need to follow to be allowed to write stories by the shard of Storytelling. The rule is: You are not allowed to edit chapter 1 until you have finished chapter 2. And only one edit then. you are allowed more edits of one chapter when you finish 1st draft of the book.) Edited February 13, 2014 by Eri 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Thanks for reading. You made some very helpful comments. What made you think that was the whole chapter? I added a few hundred words to the story and started the next part. Which writing excuses is that rule from? Also, I need some more help with brainstorming. I want to come up with what it feels like for one Perfecter to sense another using their powers, and I'm trying to think of a plausible way for Tavaril to capture one of the Renalith raiders. Plus, suggestions for more characters are helpful. I want to round out the party of Crown Archons, but I need a few ideas for more people. Fantasies like this always need lots of characters, and that's not something I'm particularly good with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 14, 2014 Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Thank you. I don't know, I just assumed it's a chapter. It would make a good chapter IMO. BTW: Bonus points for you for not having a prologue but just starting with the proper story and starting it fast. The rule... I overstated it a bit. ;-) But it was somewhere in early seasons, the part about multidrafters and the other group, maybe? I would'n make too much characters if I were you, and definitely keep to 1 PoV. Still, if you want suggestions, I'd say more female characters, not only as counterparts to males, more ethnic types and not as token minority, too. Also I'd like to meet the master blacksmith, he seems important to the protagonist (he raised him, right?) and even if he's just a commoner, I'd like to see him and have Tavaril actually explain and say goodbye, not just disappear in the night. And please, don't kill them in the invasion, it's clche'y. Also, maybe some competent characters (eg fighters), who aren't magic users? It's hard to say more without seeing the world better. I haven't read the 2 part yet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 Well, what I'm really trying to decide where I want the story to go . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 14, 2014 Report Share Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) What if Perfecting draws in "perfection" from an area and concentrates it into a single object/ draws in the perfection of an object and concentrated it into a person? That way, anyone Perfecting something would have an aura of artificial products degrading in quality. You could even have a tiny, highly detailed thingamabob that would grow noticeably simpler whenever someone started Perfecting in the area. Also, I accidently downvoted Heir's post while trying to upvote (stupid phone). Someone care to correct it? Edited February 14, 2014 by Swimmingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) What if Perfecting draws in "perfection" from an area and concentrates it into a single object/ draws in the perfection of an object and concentrated it into a person? That way, anyone Perfecting something would have an aura of artificial products degrading in quality. You could even have a tiny, highly detailed thingamabob that would grow noticeably simpler whenever someone started Perfecting in the area. Also, I accidently downvoted Heir's post while trying to upvote (stupid phone). Someone care to correct it? That's a pretty good idea. I think that might consider using that. What I am having a pretty serious block on right now is where I want the plot to go. Anyone have ideas for things they like to see in stories? Sometimes the oddest things can spark a good idea. Thanks Edited February 15, 2014 by Heir of the Void 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 Maybe give us a chapter to sketch in Tavaril, even foreshadow his Perfecting skills before the raid? Plotwise, I advise getting to know the character and world before you go too heavy on the plot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eri she/her Posted February 15, 2014 Report Share Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) Maybe give us a chapter to sketch in Tavaril, even foreshadow his Perfecting skills before the raid? Plotwise, I advise getting to know the character and world before you go too heavy on the plot. I disagree. OK, I'm not a typical epic fantasy fan, I read it because that's what my favourite author writes... but I like when a book starts with something interesting and intense. And untill you ger pretty good with characters, character introduction isn't interesting. Maybe they never are. I hate boring prologues. More of his personality can go after the fight, when we're hooked in. When he explains to the blacksmith why he has to go ^^ Edited February 15, 2014 by Eri 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 16, 2014 Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 I have another suggestion for the magic: if perfecting draws in perfection, then it would require an abundance of manmade objects, the more detailed, the better. It follows, then, that jail cells used to contain perfecters would be as simple as possible, while perfecters would want to keep as much ornate finery. It also means that "reverse-perfectors" or desecrators are possible - pushing the perfection of one object into other objects in the area, making, for example, a hammer's head fall off much more easily or turning a door flimsy. On the perfection trance-state, wouldn't it make sense for there to be Perfectors who used it to design structurally sound buildings, or to make ideal metal implements? Slightly off-topic, but if you want a good example of order-related powers, read Wildbow's "Worm", specifically the sections dealing with Accord, Harbinger, Tattletale, the Number Man, and a couple others. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2014 I have another suggestion for the magic: if perfecting draws in perfection, then it would require an abundance of manmade objects, the more detailed, the better. It follows, then, that jail cells used to contain perfecters would be as simple as possible, while perfecters would want to keep as much ornate finery. It also means that "reverse-perfectors" or desecrators are possible - pushing the perfection of one object into other objects in the area, making, for example, a hammer's head fall off much more easily or turning a door flimsy. On the perfection trance-state, wouldn't it make sense for there to be Perfectors who used it to design structurally sound buildings, or to make ideal metal implements? Slightly off-topic, but if you want a good example of order-related powers, read Wildbow's "Worm", specifically the sections dealing with Accord, Harbinger, Tattletale, the Number Man, and a couple others. Yes, with practice, a Perfecter using their abilities on themselves can use the trance-state to do a lot of things at least somewhat better. I think what I will do is that each Perfecter has a specific innate 'reserve' of 'perfection', which is sufficient for most basic usages. However, when under extreme circumstances, such as when fighting other another Perfecter, 'detail' for lack of a better term, begins to be leached out of the surrounding area. Of course, with artificially created Perfecters, all that goes out the window, and even basic Perfections drain the surrounding area. With a cell made to hold a Perfecter, it is made as simple as possible to provide fewer sources of Perfection, and to give a creative Perfecter fewer things to use as potential tools to assist in a breakout. Thanks for the ideas! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 I added another 1000 words to chaper one, which I thing rounds it off. If there is any intrest, I'll post chapter 2. Also, I need help brainstroming powers granted to to a Perfecter by Perfecting a Focus object. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Can I suggest that you don't use words like "interpose" and "maladroit" in the middle of a fight scene? Never use a ten-dollar word where a one-dollar word will do, as the saying goes. Another thing - cut down on the exposition, even if it only means chopping off half a sentence. And this, I'm sorry,but this is cliché: Perfecters are in stories from the Grand Battle or minstrels tails.” He left the not blacksmiths apprentices from some village no one’s ever heard of unsaid. I love the story, don't get me wrong, but it just needs a little polish. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Fixed. So my question here is this: where do you want to see this story go? I have a pretty clear idea of what I want to happen, but no clear idea how to move from here to the next point in what I have planned out. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Depends what kind of scope the story should have. Is this going to be an epic? Dark? Will there be romantic elements? How about the ending, and how will you foreshadow? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heir of the Void he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Scope? Similar to Warbreaker or Elantris, or maybe Mistborn if I start feeling ambitious, or improve substantially, I suppose. Not particularly dark. I'm intending some romantic elements, but not as a major focus, as I'm even worse at writing those than I am at what I have so far. My intention for the overarching plot is that basically, the Hero that saved the world five hundred years ago actually didn't, and sold out to the Dark One (Who needs some fleshing out, by idea right now is basically an insane omnicidal spider). Now, the Crown Archons of Halkarion discover that the King of one of their tightest allies is actually the now-imortal traitor-hero, and is planning to betray mankind. Needing Allies to oppose him, they travel to Fantasy Counterpart Switzerland/Japan in the hopes of courting them as allies. As for foreshadowing, I figure I'll do that once I know where this train wreck story is going during the Massive Inevitable Rewrites. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimmingly he/him Posted February 17, 2014 Report Share Posted February 17, 2014 Insane omnicidal spider... I like it 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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