Rules for Surviving a Fantasy World

[Procrastination she/her]

610. If a character says something along the lines of "you have to be careful of what you say - somebody's always listening", then they are a traitor and spy who will dramatically repeat those same words with a mocking tone and a "Sorry, ___, but I told you ______". (in the dramatically dramatic betrayal scene, of course)

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

611. If it looks like you'll win, you'll probably loose, and if it looks like you'll loose, you'll probably win.

[Cash67 Where’s/Perry]

612. If you are the main character, and are struggling emotionally or mentally, have hope! Soon something will come that will push you over the edge, give you a power boost, and resolve some of your issues all at once. 

[Edema Rue she/her]

612a. If you are said main character, you only have plot armor until the last book of the series. But you’ll probably be at peace when you die!

[NameIess]

612b. In the case that you do live past the end of your series, it may be better to die before the second series begins.

[The Bookwyrm he/him]

612bi. If not, the new protagonist may need you to become their mentor. You will grow attached to them and teach them your ways that you learned in your own journey. You will also probably most certainly die.

[Edema Rue she/her]

612c. No matter how heroic you were before, no matter how good you were at, well, anything, the new protagonist will be better, and you will die from a threat that makes whatever it was you fought seem easy.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

613: don't mate with other species.

[The Unknown Order he/him]

613b. Do mate with other species if you want your child to be the main character and have no love for them and don't care that they're going to live a difficult life of pain. 

613c. But otherwise, don't mate with other species. Bad idea.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

613d: don't make fun of rich people, if they can afford a 70000 platinum costume, they can afford a 50 copper glyph of warding.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

614. NEVER split the party.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

615: don't challenge anything to a rap battle. Never ends well.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

615a. If you're challenged to a rap battle, don't worry. You'll always win.

[Edema Rue she/her]

615b. Unless you don't have a tongue. In that case, rap battles are a really, really bad idea.

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

616. The above rules (excepting 615b.) apply to dance fights

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

617: don't accept challenges to rap battles. see 615.

618: if you are, or claim to be a god, some sort of kid or childlike thing WILL beat and humiliate you. *cough* everyjrpgever *cough*

Edited October 31, 2023 by Just_a_Fan

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

619. If a powerful and "benevolent" entity sweeps in and offers you unfathomable powers, powerful items, or candy in exchange for a few measly favors, it's probably a scam.

    619a. If the air quotes aren't there, it's probably good tho.

    619b. Turkish Delight doesn't taste that good anyway.

620. Listen to the strange old man on the street corner. You won't regret it.

    620a. If the Strage Old Man turns out to be evil, of course, all bets are off.

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

621: the normal object that the comedy relief has is most likely the bbeg's weakness/macguffin/thingamabob/unobtainium ore. KEEP IT SAFE.

622: if you are LGBTQ+, be the "common" things, (gay, lesbian, bi, trans, ace/aro), and keep it from becoming a major plot/character point.

Edited October 31, 2023 by Just_a_Fan

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

623. While it's true that the laws of physics do apply, if someone says "What? Impossible!" about something, it is not impossible. In fact, it's likely to happen again within the next five seconds.

    623a. This is doubly true if said thing is possible because of the power of friendship.

Edited October 31, 2023 by NerdyAarakocra

[Edema Rue she/her]

623b. This is triply true if it's a friend you thought was dead.

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

624. Always beware the snakes

[Just_a_Fan he/him]

625: bros before [farming equipment]

626: necromancy is often not going to do what you want, as fate has a tendency to give you the finger when you try to bring folks back from the dead without major sacrifice.

  626b: might be ignored by plot armor.

Edited November 1, 2023 by Just_a_Fan

[Cash67 Where’s/Perry]

627: As an unnamed side character, to ensure your survival, you must obtain the ideal level of importantce so that you are more valuable alive than dead to both the hero and the villain of the story you are in

627a: Too important, and the villain will assassinate you

627b: Not important enough, and you'll be collateral in a fight

[Edema Rue she/her]

627c. Right in the middle only works if you aren’t close friends with the main character.

[Aeoryi she/her]

628. A group of three Adventurers always features a traitor.

629. Should an evil person show up in the night, the chances of you noticing are negligible in most environments.

630. Magic items that have a fore warning attached should always be used, even if it is used incorrectly.

631. Avoid unnecessary romance side-plots along the way. 

632. Sometimes, sacrifices must be made, but you may have to make it more dramatic otherwise people will forget who was dead and who was alive.

633. Odd, prime numbers are always better for super-mysterious-ultra-powerful councils. A number like 4 is blasphemy. 

634. One cannot outrun a mysterious monster in a cave. Refrain from interacting in dark caves.

635. Fall damage is negated if there was a greater hazard nearby.

636. Drink coffee.