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The Last Post Wins!!!!!


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"You there! Get out of there! That's the King's bedchamber! Who are you anyways?"

"Mortimer Montgomery, Mortal Middle Management, and might I say you are looking particularly lively today. Fate is such a clumsy thing, always tearing the threads she weaves, but your thread seems to be remarkably intact. If you continue to be so fortunate, you might live to see your thirty-fifth birthday!"

"I'm thirty-four."

"Good for you! Knighthood is a dangerous job, and you've surpassed your life expectancy twice over. Really, I should have been more careful. I like to dawdle, you see. Five hundred twenty-seven seconds to linger in this mortal plane. A medic got to you before I tore out your strings."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this has been a lovely chat, but I must be going. It's been four hundred ninety-three seconds, and I couldn't possibly leave His Majesty waiting. Don't wait up for me."

"Stop right there! Don't move!"

"My apologies for the mess. They'll be fine in a minute. At least I think so. I don't believe I've ever turned a human inside out before. Now, Your Majesty, shall we shuffle off your mortal coil?"

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"And this is the ballroom, large enough for every living royal on the planet to dance in, if they so chose."

"Ah, splendid. I will need it expanded."

"Expanded, sir?"

"Why yes. I was told the ballroom would be large enough for every royal that had ever lived."

"Of course sir, sorry sir. I'll get someone right on that."

"And for your failure, you shall be the first of our number to grace these halls."

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Chamberlain, could you send in a cleaner? I'm afraid our guest made quite a mess. I thought you said he was bloodless!"

"'Tis a euphemism for exceedingly pale, sir."

"Oh, curse these mortals and their strange figures of speech!"

"I am mortal, sir."

"Well, not you, Chamberlain, but everyone else? Bah!"

"Of course, sir."

"Thank you. Ah, the cleaner arrived! She seems to be a bit bloodless herself, the poor dear. Oh, she's pulled out a sword. I didn't know that was a necessary cleaning utensil. Chamberlain, I'm afraid you'll have to get me a new shirt. This one's got a hole in it. And a new cleaner, if you please. Thank you very much."

Edited by Gears
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