Certified Gay Disasters

[Wittles he/him]

15 hours ago, shortcake said:

my friend showed me something similar to that meme one time

 

also I'm here because i am questioning my life decisions againnnnnn

so for a while now, i thought i was either bi or pan, with a preference of women, but there's this guy... and i think i've liked him for a while (i dated him last school year, but then a bunch of family stuff happened, and i didn't want to end up hurting him, so we took a break, and then boom my sexuality changed yippee), but my brain just didn't realize it til recently. i also think i was trying to suppress my feelings for him, since i don't want to run the risk of hurting him again (or breaking his heart) and see, the thing is, i'm convinced that he likes me too, since there's a lot of holding hands, hugging, other RESPONSIBLE physical interaction, but i've told him that i like women, not men, because i didn't know if he liked me still at the time. so, now i don't know what to do. bc i find my self talking about him a lot, along with thinking about him, and my friends have pointed that out to me, too. i just don't want to lose him if i make a wrong move, y'know

Hehe, attraction is so weird. I think you should tell him about being bi or pan, or even just that you're attracted to not just women. From what you're saying, you very much do like him, and I think he likes you too, so I don't think there is really a wrong move you know? I think it would be a good thing to talk to him about this. It would definitely help build trust which is never a bad thing. 

Feel free to completely ignore me. You got this though, I believe in you  

[Ravenclawjedi42]

On 10/22/2023 at 11:28 PM, shortcake said:

my friend showed me something similar to that meme one time

 

also I'm here because i am questioning my life decisions againnnnnn

so for a while now, i thought i was either bi or pan, with a preference of women, but there's this guy... and i think i've liked him for a while (i dated him last school year, but then a bunch of family stuff happened, and i didn't want to end up hurting him, so we took a break, and then boom my sexuality changed yippee), but my brain just didn't realize it til recently. i also think i was trying to suppress my feelings for him, since i don't want to run the risk of hurting him again (or breaking his heart) and see, the thing is, i'm convinced that he likes me too, since there's a lot of holding hands, hugging, other RESPONSIBLE physical interaction, but i've told him that i like women, not men, because i didn't know if he liked me still at the time. so, now i don't know what to do. bc i find my self talking about him a lot, along with thinking about him, and my friends have pointed that out to me, too. i just don't want to lose him if i make a wrong move, y'know

I’m…horrible at giving romantic advice, so I can’t really help you. I’m sorry.

[Ravenclawjedi42]

Sorry for the double post but…I made this cat. And I just had to share them.

Spoiler

 

[Koloss17 She/They]

29 minutes ago, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

Sorry for the double post but…I made this cat. And I just had to share them.

  Hide contents

 

C A T

[Ravenclawjedi42]

18 hours ago, Koloss17 said:

C A T

C A T ! I love cats.

I also did a penguin:

Spoiler

 

Edited October 26, 2023 by Ravenclawjedi42

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

23 hours ago, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

Sorry for the double post but…I made this cat. And I just had to share them.

  Hide contents

 

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY UPVOTES!

[Argenti he/him]

Oh they're flag animals, I was very confused for a sec there.

[Tea Leaf]

 "I'm going to temporarily pretend I am a straight cis guy so I don't have to know what you mean."

Edited January 22 by Tea Leaf

[Koloss17 She/They]

HAPPY TRANS AWARENESS WEEK EVERYONE!!!!!!

[shortcake thr/eat]

Just now, Koloss17 said:

HAPPY TRANS AWARENESS WEEK EVERYONE!!!!!!

YAYY!!!!

[Ravenclawjedi42]

53 minutes ago, Koloss17 said:

HAPPY TRANS AWARENESS WEEK EVERYONE!!!!!!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…I may have gone a bit overboard here…

[Koloss17 She/They]

19 minutes ago, Ravenclawjedi42 said:

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…I may have gone a bit overboard here…

No such thing!!!

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

Three cheers for Trans Awareness Week!

[Edema Rue she/her]

(Hip hip hurray! Hip hip hurray! HIP HIP HURRAY!!)

[NerdyAarakocra They/Them]

Okay, does anyone know what a good genderless honorific is? Because so far, the only way out I can see is to get a PhD and go by "Doctor."

Nonbinary pronoun trouble is sooo fun.

[shortcake thr/eat]

2 minutes ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

Okay, does anyone know what a good genderless honorific is? Because so far, the only way out I can see is to get a PhD and go by "Doctor."

Nonbinary pronoun trouble is sooo fun.

you could do Mx. ? pronounced like if you said "mix" really squished together

[AonEne he/him in an enby way]

On 10/10/2023 at 8:46 AM, Ookla the Abstract said:

What distinguishes those from other sleepy noises?

They're gendery. Or something. 

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

Can I please get some perspective on an issue I'm facing? I'm not sure if I'm blowing it out of proportion as people I talk to IRL don't seem to have much of an issue with it. Sorry if it's a bit hard to keep track of, I'm trying to keep things vague, as I'm aware this is a public forum but I also don't really have anywhere anonymous to talk about it that won't potentially have repercussions. Spoilered largely for length

Spoiler

Basically a well-liked boss (A) moved roles within the company a few months ago. I remember a conversation we had before they moved where A literally sat down in their office and went down our roster and pointed out who was straight and who was not. Most were news to me (and all but one of the ones I sort of knew about were 'I suspected so but had no evidence') and at the time I felt a little upset that none of them trusted me enough to tell me this themselves. Then I eventually started to feel like this was an outing (this boss had already outed the person I did know about before they even started).

In that same conversation I said that I may not be completely straight (I reckon I'm 90-something percent straight but I'm just not certain of those last percentage points), and I said at the time that I'd never said it out loud before. A week or so later one of the other staff members (B) brings up that fact to me. This means that either that boss or the other person who was in that conversation (C) blabbed (after I had explicitly said that it was the first time I'd ever said so). I asked C if they said anything, they denied it, and I believe them (especially since A has already proven that they were the kind of person to go down the roster and list everyone who was queer).

This is not only an issue for me as I felt it was an outing in general, but I'm unique in that particular team in that I have family/family friends working with the company, and I have no way of knowing if my family would be OK with this (I have one gay uncle and a cousin I think may be ace, so not the biggest sample size). I've read that bisexuals (if I end up going that way) aren't really accepted by the queer or straight community due to the 'pick a side' stuff, and I also have family who I believe would go the other direction and trot me out every Pride to show me off.

A is openly queer, so I don't know if they feel like it's not a big deal to talk about these things because they did foster a queer-friendly work environment apart from this. When I discussed with others the fact that I did not know how many people were queer, their replies were along the lines of 'we don't really talk about personal stuff like that unless it becomes relevant'.

I mentioned that A moved roles as certain other issues with their management became more able to be discussed openly once they left, and I'm not sure if this is a similar case. I'm also not sure if I'm just overthinking, as I do think I can fall into black or white thinking in terms of whether someone is good or bad and I could just be amplifying the bad.

 

[shortcake thr/eat]

2 minutes ago, jamesbondsmith said:

Can I please get some perspective on an issue I'm facing? I'm not sure if I'm blowing it out of proportion as people I talk to IRL don't seem to have much of an issue with it. Sorry if it's a bit hard to keep track of, I'm trying to keep things vague, as I'm aware this is a public forum but I also don't really have anywhere anonymous to talk about it that won't potentially have repercussions. Spoilered largely for length

  Hide contents

Basically a well-liked boss (A) moved roles within the company a few months ago. I remember a conversation we had before they moved where A literally sat down in their office and went down our roster and pointed out who was straight and who was not. Most were news to me (and all but one of the ones I sort of knew about were 'I suspected so but had no evidence') and at the time I felt a little upset that none of them trusted me enough to tell me this themselves. Then I eventually started to feel like this was an outing (this boss had already outed the person I did know about before they even started).

In that same conversation I said that I may not be completely straight (I reckon I'm 90-something percent straight but I'm just not certain of those last percentage points), and I said at the time that I'd never said it out loud before. A week or so later one of the other staff members (B) brings up that fact to me. This means that either that boss or the other person who was in that conversation (C) blabbed (after I had explicitly said that it was the first time I'd ever said so). I asked C if they said anything, they denied it, and I believe them (especially since A has already proven that they were the kind of person to go down the roster and list everyone who was queer).

This is not only an issue for me as I felt it was an outing in general, but I'm unique in that particular team in that I have family/family friends working with the company, and I have no way of knowing if my family would be OK with this (I have one gay uncle and a cousin I think may be ace, so not the biggest sample size). I've read that bisexuals (if I end up going that way) aren't really accepted by the queer or straight community due to the 'pick a side' stuff, and I also have family who I believe would go the other direction and trot me out every Pride to show me off.

A is openly queer, so I don't know if they feel like it's not a big deal to talk about these things because they did foster a queer-friendly work environment apart from this. When I discussed with others the fact that I did not know how many people were queer, their replies were along the lines of 'we don't really talk about personal stuff like that unless it becomes relevant'.

I mentioned that A moved roles as certain other issues with their management became more able to be discussed openly once they left, and I'm not sure if this is a similar case. I'm also not sure if I'm just overthinking, as I do think I can fall into black or white thinking in terms of whether someone is good or bad and I could just be amplifying the bad.

 

okay, i think that this boss person (A) didn't have the right to go around and talk about who is queer and who is not, especially without asking for consent from the person, which is what i presume what had happened here. i'm not sure if this is the advice you were necessarily looking for, but i don't think this person had the right to go and out all of those people, including you

(let me know if this doesn't make sense, i may have read this wrong)

[AonEne he/him in an enby way]

1 hour ago, jamesbondsmith said:

Can I please get some perspective on an issue I'm facing? I'm not sure if I'm blowing it out of proportion as people I talk to IRL don't seem to have much of an issue with it. Sorry if it's a bit hard to keep track of, I'm trying to keep things vague, as I'm aware this is a public forum but I also don't really have anywhere anonymous to talk about it that won't potentially have repercussions. Spoilered largely for length

  Hide contents

Basically a well-liked boss (A) moved roles within the company a few months ago. I remember a conversation we had before they moved where A literally sat down in their office and went down our roster and pointed out who was straight and who was not. Most were news to me (and all but one of the ones I sort of knew about were 'I suspected so but had no evidence') and at the time I felt a little upset that none of them trusted me enough to tell me this themselves. Then I eventually started to feel like this was an outing (this boss had already outed the person I did know about before they even started).

In that same conversation I said that I may not be completely straight (I reckon I'm 90-something percent straight but I'm just not certain of those last percentage points), and I said at the time that I'd never said it out loud before. A week or so later one of the other staff members (B) brings up that fact to me. This means that either that boss or the other person who was in that conversation (C) blabbed (after I had explicitly said that it was the first time I'd ever said so). I asked C if they said anything, they denied it, and I believe them (especially since A has already proven that they were the kind of person to go down the roster and list everyone who was queer).

This is not only an issue for me as I felt it was an outing in general, but I'm unique in that particular team in that I have family/family friends working with the company, and I have no way of knowing if my family would be OK with this (I have one gay uncle and a cousin I think may be ace, so not the biggest sample size). I've read that bisexuals (if I end up going that way) aren't really accepted by the queer or straight community due to the 'pick a side' stuff, and I also have family who I believe would go the other direction and trot me out every Pride to show me off.

A is openly queer, so I don't know if they feel like it's not a big deal to talk about these things because they did foster a queer-friendly work environment apart from this. When I discussed with others the fact that I did not know how many people were queer, their replies were along the lines of 'we don't really talk about personal stuff like that unless it becomes relevant'.

I mentioned that A moved roles as certain other issues with their management became more able to be discussed openly once they left, and I'm not sure if this is a similar case. I'm also not sure if I'm just overthinking, as I do think I can fall into black or white thinking in terms of whether someone is good or bad and I could just be amplifying the bad.

 

I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion, it's not cool to out people without their knowledge/if they're not okay with it. Even if A is queer themself, they should not have done that (and why are they going down a list telling you what everyone is anyway? what even is the point of that??). 

[jamesbondsmith He/him]

2 minutes ago, AonEne said:

I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion, it's not cool to out people without their knowledge/if they're not okay with it. Even if A is queer themself, they should not have done that (and why are they going down a list telling you what everyone is anyway? what even is the point of that??). 

I can't recall exactly how that came up, I think it may have been a comment on hiring practices? The previous boss of that team had hired many people of similar ethnicity to them (including me), and A seemed to have hired a lot of queer people?

 

58 minutes ago, shortcake said:

okay, i think that this boss person (A) didn't have the right to go around and talk about who is queer and who is not, especially without asking for consent from the person, which is what i presume what had happened here. i'm not sure if this is the advice you were necessarily looking for, but i don't think this person had the right to go and out all of those people, including you

(let me know if this doesn't make sense, i may have read this wrong)

Thanks, I was worried that as a 'potential queer newbie' for lack of a better term I was taking it too far.

 

As for consent, I don't know if there was or wasn't for the others (I can't exactly ask 'hey, did you tell A if it's ok to tell me that you're queer' if they've never said so to me in the first place, and some of them still haven't months after that conversation. Not certain they even know I know). In my case I didn't explicitly say 'don't tell anyone', but I would have thought that 'I've never actually said that out loud' (which I believe were my exact words) would have implied it.

[AonEne he/him in an enby way]

9 hours ago, jamesbondsmith said:

(I can't exactly ask 'hey, did you tell A if it's ok to tell me that you're queer' if they've never said so to me in the first place, and some of them still haven't months after that conversation. Not certain they even know I know). 

I wouldn't completely write this off as an option, some people might prefer to know that you know even if it's awkward. But it would be a potentially hard conversation to have, and others might not want to know, and I don't blame you if you want to avoid it. 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

Hey, y'all. I don't want to be offensive, I just really want to know and have a low selection of people who fall into the LGBTQ community nearby that I know and can talk to. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just trying to formulate ways that I can talk to people in better ways and be able to understand more of the world, which, as someone who wants to make a living as an author, is important. So please remember that.

I know this is primarily made as a gay club, but my question is about how people identify as genders that haven't been discovered (is that the right word?) before. My question might be a little offensive, but I truly don't mean harm here. I've been having a hard time fitting my question into adequate words for a minute or two and I'm scratching my head on this. Basically, what I'm wondering is why do y'all feel the need to change genders/transition/whatever term y'all have for it, when you could, potentially, when you could do a lot of the same things (and I'm just reaching into my mental bank here, so I could be really wrong about this entirely, please correct me) that you would want to do in that other gender in the gender you are/were?

Again, I'm not trying to be offensive, I just feel a desire to know. Kinda like my next step in trying to better understand and respect people. Please be patient with me. I may not ever see things the same way as y'all or understand completely, but, hey, at least I'm trying here? 

Anyways, sorry for making this a little long. Hope y'all have wonderful days. 

[The Aspiring Archivist any]

7 minutes ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

Hey, y'all. I don't want to be offensive, I just really want to know and have a low selection of people who fall into the LGBTQ community nearby that I know and can talk to. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just trying to formulate ways that I can talk to people in better ways and be able to understand more of the world, which, as someone who wants to make a living as an author, is important. So please remember that.

I know this is primarily made as a gay club, but my question is about how people identify as genders that haven't been discovered (is that the right word?) before. My question might be a little offensive, but I truly don't mean harm here. I've been having a hard time fitting my question into adequate words for a minute or two and I'm scratching my head on this. Basically, what I'm wondering is why do y'all feel the need to change genders/transition/whatever term y'all have for it, when you could, potentially, when you could do a lot of the same things (and I'm just reaching into my mental bank here, so I could be really wrong about this entirely, please correct me) that you would want to do in that other gender in the gender you are/were?

Again, I'm not trying to be offensive, I just feel a desire to know. Kinda like my next step in trying to better understand and respect people. Please be patient with me. I may not ever see things the same way as y'all or understand completely, but, hey, at least I'm trying here? 

Anyways, sorry for making this a little long. Hope y'all have wonderful days. 

People changing their gender identity or having one outside of male or female is not a new thing, and genders aren't being "discovered." It's also not a utility thing, so it's not a choice people make because they think it would give them some sort of advantage.

What it generally comes down to is that gender identity, gender expression, and gender roles are all societal constructs, and some people don't identify well with the gender they were assigned at birth. It's not unlike the other ways someone might change the societal prescription of themself, but the way gender tend to be viewed is much more rigid.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood he/him]

6 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

People changing their gender identity or having one outside of male or female is not a new thing, and genders aren't being "discovered."

I'm not meaning like things we've known for awhile. Most of what I'm saying is based on that I say a video where someone was saying they were trigender and saying (paraphrased) "Hey, here's a new gender, y'all." 

8 minutes ago, The Aspiring Archivist said:

What it generally comes down to is that gender identity, gender expression, and gender roles are all societal constructs, and some people don't identify well with the gender they were assigned at birth. It's not unlike the other ways someone might change the societal prescription of themself, but the way gender tend to be viewed is much more rigid.

This comes down to what I kinda forgot to address in my post. I'm mainly asking why people can't (stupid flimsy English language) be more feminine while still being male, for example. That's a bad example to what I'm trying to express here. This, I suppose, is closer: when it comes to gender roles, cannot one do x thing while still being the same gender? (I don't mean to come across here as attacking, just wanting to learn.) 

Perhaps I'm just seeing all this through a particular lens, but I really don't get a lot of it. I mean no disrespect, I just don't see the point in some ways. I can get, sorta, why, but not on the level that I can truly understand the why.