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Sharder One-Liners


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"I’m being serious, ok?

…I’m so good at acting! I kept a straight face for 2 whole seconds!”

 

“My soul is bleeding.”

 

“I don’t know, it seems more epic to die while bombing, than to die while being bombed.”

 

“Bro, I’m a legit snack.”

 

“They would get so offended! I don’t know why, cause it’s history, but they’d totally find some way to get offended.”

 

Veil: IM SO HAPPY. GUESS WHAT I FOUND.

Me: A boyfriend?

Veil: BETTER!

Me: …

Veil: CHOCOLATE!

 

 

“No blanket. Your insurance doesn’t cover that…. But you know what does?  ….   Never mind.”

 

Veil: So, I heard you had a good night.

Me: It actually kinda sucked

Veil: Oh, his first time?

Me: …

 

“If I get dead from the shard, it’s @Just-A-Stick's fault!”

 

“I can’t find Nico… I think I left him in [other friend’s] bed…”

 

“I mean, I told you I was a snack.”

 

“If they kick me out, at least I still get Chick-Fil-A.”

 

“Mental health crisis is not an excuse to not read Alcatraz!”

 

“You’re making me sound like a slut!”

“They say a girl’s darkest secrets are in her Notes app… I mean, they aren’t wrong-“

 

“Yeah guys, I’m Batman now.”

 

“Screw people and screw em good.”

 

“I’m not a cult, guys… there’s many of us in here…”

 

“You lil trout sniffer!”

 

“There are many similarities between men and fish.”

 

“I’m trying to plug in a hairdryer to dry my shoes!”

 

 

“That’d be like such a dumb way to go! Death by a basketball hoop?”

 

“How about the blood of that squirrel that scared me to death the other day!”

 

 

“Living under the stairs isn’t good for my complexion.”

 

“I’m like a drug. You just can’t stop using me.”

 

“I can’t with myself, only with you…”

 

“I’m going to go to prison one day for being to rizzy!”

 

“#NotGoingToPrison!” 

All from @Part Of The Narrative

 

“I SHALL BE A MAN!” - @Edema Rue

“*spontaneously combusts*” - @The Wandering Wizard

“You should date him cause you’re strong enough to catch him when he passes out!” - @Part Of The Narrative

Me: Shallan, why do we wrap food in metal?

Shallan: Cause it’s fun to crinkle

 

 

“He is fat! Just… mentally!” - Guy from my school

 

 

“I’m just a really smart 5 year old who’s mentally 3.” - Guy from my school

 

 

“I will haunt your dreams for eternity if you don’t close my door!”

 

“I will shoot you with a [ ] gun!”

 

“Bro literally broke the floor!”

 

“You’re fat, but like without the PH!”

 

“You look like grandma’s raccoons!”

 

“You literally look like a dinosaur!”

 

“Mom and dad got you off the black market for 6 cents!”

 

“It’s okay, he’s my brother, I can insult him!”

 

“I have to literally tackle him out of my room!”

 

“Where do you get Italian chicken?”

 

“I’d like a German chicken fer dinner…”

 

“We got more Jesus crackers! Cause I dropped them all yesterday…”

 

“Make me a piece of chicken!”

 

“I hear guns in the distance, but I don’t live near a firing range… hmm… sounds like someone else’s problem!”

 

Talking about my cat: “he looks like he’s seen Vietnam.”

 

“I’m a drug.”

 

“Actually I live in a Wendy’s bathroom.”

 

“Take a picture while it lasts, loser!”

 

“I just dropped my doctor suese book into the attic cotton candy!!”

 

“I’m just… looking for Doctor Suse!”

 

“I will forever ever ever love your mom.”

 

“I need to see interesting things like how does one stab one’s eye out?”

All from @SmilingPanda19

 

I think my phone is empty of quotes now-

 

 

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30 minutes ago, Just-A-Stick said:

It was a text convo! Remember?? When you said u were going to NYC and I dropped a Hamilton line???

 

Ah yes…

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“THATS OKAY CULTS ARE FUN” -my guy friend


“maybe i should just buy a new immune system 🤔” (me)

”That is genius
Don’t get one from Walmart though
There have been complaints”

 

“it’s gonna be so biotic up”

 

”Sleep is good for you
 …though judging by last night nobody would know I thought that :P”

-@The Halcyon Girl


“(holy sh*t you’re innocent asf)”

 

“whave have shave even”

-@Medium 

 

“POV third wheeling a super cute couple to get boba”


“STEAL ONE
BECOME A MISTBORN ITLL BE FINE“

 

“…dude I just did that…the twin vibes are back 😂

-@Edema Rue

Edited by Kajsa
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1 hour ago, Kajsa said:

“THATS OKAY CULTS ARE FUN” -my guy friend


“maybe i should just buy a new immune system 🤔” (me)

”That is genius
Don’t get one from Walmart though
There have been complaints”

 

“it’s gonna be so biotic up”

 

”Sleep is good for you
 …though judging by last night nobody would know I thought that :P”

-@The Halcyon Girl


“(holy sh*t you’re innocent asf)”

 

“whave have shave even”

-@Medium 

 

“POV third wheeling a super cute couple to get boba”


“STEAL ONE
BECOME A MISTBORN ITLL BE FINE“

 

“…dude I just did that…the twin vibes are back 😂

-@Edema Rue

(The boba was worth it)

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2 hours ago, Just-A-Stick said:

"I’m being serious, ok?

…I’m so good at acting! I kept a straight face for 2 whole seconds!”

 

“My soul is bleeding.”

 

“I don’t know, it seems more epic to die while bombing, than to die while being bombed.”

 

“Bro, I’m a legit snack.”

 

“They would get so offended! I don’t know why, cause it’s history, but they’d totally find some way to get offended.”

 

Veil: IM SO HAPPY. GUESS WHAT I FOUND.

Me: A boyfriend?

Veil: BETTER!

Me: …

Veil: CHOCOLATE!

 

 

“No blanket. Your insurance doesn’t cover that…. But you know what does?  ….   Never mind.”

 

Veil: So, I heard you had a good night.

Me: It actually kinda sucked

Veil: Oh, his first time?

Me: …

 

“If I get dead from the shard, it’s @Just-A-Stick's fault!”

 

“I can’t find Nico… I think I left him in [other friend’s] bed…”

 

“I mean, I told you I was a snack.”

 

“If they kick me out, at least I still get Chick-Fil-A.”

 

“Mental health crisis is not an excuse to not read Alcatraz!”

 

“You’re making me sound like a slut!”

“They say a girl’s darkest secrets are in her Notes app… I mean, they aren’t wrong-“

 

“Yeah guys, I’m Batman now.”

 

“Screw people and screw em good.”

 

“I’m not a cult, guys… there’s many of us in here…”

 

“You lil trout sniffer!”

 

“There are many similarities between men and fish.”

 

“I’m trying to plug in a hairdryer to dry my shoes!”

 

 

“That’d be like such a dumb way to go! Death by a basketball hoop?”

 

“How about the blood of that squirrel that scared me to death the other day!”

 

 

“Living under the stairs isn’t good for my complexion.”

 

“I’m like a drug. You just can’t stop using me.”

 

“I can’t with myself, only with you…”

 

“I’m going to go to prison one day for being to rizzy!”

 

“#NotGoingToPrison!” 

All from @Part Of The Narrative

 

“I SHALL BE A MAN!” - @Edema Rue

“*spontaneously combusts*” - @The Wandering Wizard

“You should date him cause you’re strong enough to catch him when he passes out!” - @Part Of The Narrative

Me: Shallan, why do we wrap food in metal?

Shallan: Cause it’s fun to crinkle

 

 

“He is fat! Just… mentally!” - Guy from my school

 

 

“I’m just a really smart 5 year old who’s mentally 3.” - Guy from my school

 

 

“I will haunt your dreams for eternity if you don’t close my door!”

 

“I will shoot you with a [ ] gun!”

 

“Bro literally broke the floor!”

 

“You’re fat, but like without the PH!”

 

“You look like grandma’s raccoons!”

 

“You literally look like a dinosaur!”

 

“Mom and dad got you off the black market for 6 cents!”

 

“It’s okay, he’s my brother, I can insult him!”

 

“I have to literally tackle him out of my room!”

 

“Where do you get Italian chicken?”

 

“I’d like a German chicken fer dinner…”

 

“We got more Jesus crackers! Cause I dropped them all yesterday…”

 

“Make me a piece of chicken!”

 

“I hear guns in the distance, but I don’t live near a firing range… hmm… sounds like someone else’s problem!”

 

Talking about my cat: “he looks like he’s seen Vietnam.”

 

“I’m a drug.”

 

“Actually I live in a Wendy’s bathroom.”

 

“Take a picture while it lasts, loser!”

 

“I just dropped my doctor suese book into the attic cotton candy!!”

 

“I’m just… looking for Doctor Suse!”

 

“I will forever ever ever love your mom.”

 

“I need to see interesting things like how does one stab one’s eye out?”

All from @SmilingPanda19

 

I think my phone is empty of quotes now-

 

 

XD I am not surprised at any of those.

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1 hour ago, Kajsa said:

“THATS OKAY CULTS ARE FUN” -my guy friend


“maybe i should just buy a new immune system 🤔” (me)

”That is genius
Don’t get one from Walmart though
There have been complaints”

 

“it’s gonna be so biotic up”

 

”Sleep is good for you
 …though judging by last night nobody would know I thought that :P”

-@The Halcyon Girl


“(holy sh*t you’re innocent asf)”

 

“whave have shave even”

-@Medium 

 

“POV third wheeling a super cute couple to get boba”


“STEAL ONE
BECOME A MISTBORN ITLL BE FINE“

 

“…dude I just did that…the twin vibes are back 😂

-@Edema Rue

I mean… I’d third wheel almost anyone to  get free boba @Edema Rue

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"HEAR ME, PEOPLE OF THE SHARD. I DECREE THIS. I AM NOT A NERD, I WAS BRIEFLY A NERD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND I MIGHT SOMEDAY BE A NERD AGAIN. BUT I AM NOT A NERD." ~ @Edema Rue

Edited by Just-A-Stick
Sorry for the double post-
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LITERALLY STOP BABE NO-

Ill get you back 

“But my favorite color is purple!”

“I’m a corpse collector guys! …I don’t think it would justify it if I said the corpses were really pretty.”

“I’m a fish murderer!”

“It’s my child munching fish minion.”

“I’m so ugly my nightmares have dreams about me-“

“Alright we’re going child hunting!”

@Just-A-Stick

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7 minutes ago, SmilingPanda19 said:

LITERALLY STOP BABE NO-

Ill get you back 

“But my favorite color is purple!”

“I’m a corpse collector guys! …I don’t think it would justify it if I said the corpses were really pretty.”

“I’m a fish murderer!”

“It’s my child munching fish minion.”

“I’m so ugly my nightmares have dreams about me-“

“Alright we’re going child hunting!”

@Just-A-Stick

Bruh

All of those things are true tho!

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“I’m not a serial killer, I’m a cereal eater!”

“I actually sleep with cereal, guys!”

“Guys! Hear me out! Country music is just southern boy bands! TELL ME IM WRONG!!”

“Take that Virginia boy!”

“Take that French people! Revolution this!!!”

“I’m living my best life up here, with my eyeliner mustache and my pet lemur!”

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“JuIcY lItTlE fErReTS-“

“I have two rocks from California.”

“The earth is flat and one day California is going to drop off the end of it.”

“I don’t like canned dirt from California.”

“I have a bead addiction, they just taste so good.”

“I will say candles taste better than beads and paint does not taste good.”

“I’m a fast typer I can go like 2 miles an hour.”

“You wanna help me kidnap a child?”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, bloody mental that’s what I’m  telling you.”

“Spambots are so sexy.”

“I like to eat pretty faces.”

@Just-A-Stick

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On 3/23/2024 at 8:09 PM, Just-A-Stick said:

“They say a girl’s darkest secrets are in her Notes app… I mean, they aren’t wrong-“

👀 (Me, a guy, with some stuff on my note’s app that I woiuldnt show to anyone (mostly because they’re super embarrassing))

On 3/24/2024 at 1:12 PM, Just-A-Stick said:

"HEAR ME, PEOPLE OF THE SHARD. I DECREE THIS. I AM NOT A NERD, I WAS BRIEFLY A NERD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND I MIGHT SOMEDAY BE A NERD AGAIN. BUT I AM NOT A NERD." ~ @Edema Rue

*me when she is a nerd*

Spoiler

For formatting

“[friend’s name] you forgot your pincer” - me trying to pronounce pencil

”They only crunched a little bit!” - different friend

”I’d be fine if you’d shown up in a dress” - another friend

”It’s to spurt yur murn syshtem” - my mom

”I did it! I killed the car!” - a different friend entirely

”SUINACSA!!” - me

”best way to hide your phone is to stick it in between your butt-cheeks ans clench really hard, they’ll never find it there!” - completely different friend

(I don’t remember if I’ve posted this next one here before but here it is anyways)

“Mustard was developed by the devil or the CIA” - another friend

”Stay in Poverty!” - Technoblade

Quote

 

”*sigh* you just shot 31 people into a black hole!” - me

”Yessssssss!!! *pumps fist*” - same friend who made the mustard quote


 

“Take that out of context… please?” - my friend

”Geometric Trafficking?” - me after a friend said it

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