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I like to record instances when my jokes hit uncomfortably close to canon reveals (happens all the time with Warrior Cats), so I decided I'd have to share this beautiful one for all to see. http://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/2376-spren-ideas/#entry41949 This was supposed to be a simple joke about possible spren, but look how close I got with the last one. Look how close it was. And I wasn't even being serious. ..........I make better theories when I'm joking.

Yeah, that thing that Zenith says. The thing with the stuff.

I've been snorting the White Sand.

Edit: I think crazy thing was what Dalinar does at the very end of the book. I would say what it was, but I can't get spoiler font to work. You know the thing though.

I totally saw Brandon the other day, and he was getting drunk on stormlight. He was so drunk that when I offered to help him carry the giant vats of concrete he was lugging around (don't ask), he just handed me some notes on his plans for Stones Unhallowed and walked away. Being a loyal fan of Brandonalsium, I decided to do the only logical thing and post what will happen in the next book for all to see. I hope you enjoy having Stormlight Archive #3 ruined for you! - The prologue is Elhokar at the party where Gavilar died. He notices Dalinar following the codes as Gavilar said. Then, the two mysterious men convince him to trick Dalinar into getting completely wasted. He gets Dalinar drunk, then gives Szeth directions to Gavilar's room, gives Sadeas the handbook on how to stop the Desolations (it was the only one of its kind, and Sadeas destroys it), gives Venli the tip that she needs to unlock Stormform, and gives Darkness a list of crimes committed by all Surgebinders so that he can kill them. Adolin is also revealed to have dated Shallash. - In present day, the Ghostbloods say that Shallan must find true love if she wants to join them. She angsts over whether she loves Kaladin or Adolin. - Kaladin flies in to Hearthstone in the middle of Roshone's marriage to Laral (it was a really long engagement). Roshone has now grown an evil goatee and intends to push his new button that gives supreme power to Odium once he gets married. Kaladin bursts in and gives his objection right before the vows. Everyone cheers that Kaladin saved the day, only for a brick to knock him out. - Jasnah has to babysit Baby Odium, the suckling child from WoK Chapter 57's Death Rattle. - Szeth decides to chase his dream and become a rockstar. It is revealed in his flashbacks that everyone in Shinovar discouraged this dream because stone was sacred. Szeth was sad, but then he saw someone Soulcasting some grass into a guitar. Using the guitar, he rocked out, singing that the end was coming. He was made Truthless because his music was too loud. - It's revealed that Lirin has turned evil and crowned himself Emperor of Hearthstone. Kaladin, Roshone, Laral, Jost's Dad, and Hesina team up to stop Lirin from upgrading the Voidbringers into the Super Voidbringers. However, when Kaladin tries to fight him, Lirin goes Super Saiyan and defeats Kaladin, telling him that he has to unlock more true potential. - Dalinar confesses that he doesn't remember his wife, only to find out that her name actually is "Shshshshshshsh". - Jasnah runs into a hat-obsessed man who likes drinking metal, claims that two and two equals pickle, can regenerate and slow time, is a master of disguise, and hates guns. Brandon's notes indicate that he is indeed a worldhopper: Hrathen. - The Highspren cause Highstorms, but they've grown tired of it so they give Adolin the power to make Highstorms. - Shallan actually does draw herself as a bridgeman, causing her to realize that she loves Kaladin. - Kaladin decides to say the Fourth Oath to get enough power to defeat Emperor Lirin. However, when he learns that it's, "I will not go after my friend's girl", he refuses to say it. - Dalinar walks up to Shallan and says, "Kaladin killed Helaran" with no context, then walks away. - Nalan is also in possession of a giant block of ice in which Spook has cryogenically frozen himself. - The recurring Interlude character (like Szeth in WoK and Eshonai in WoR) is Mazrim Taim. - Ghost Sadeas appears and swears the Oath, "The death is my life, the strength becomes my weakness, the journey has ended", causing him to transform into Sataneas. - Kaladin tries to flee Hearthstone, but ends up tripping over and unplugging a power cord. This gets rid of Emperor Lirin's power, and Kaladin easily defeats him. As thanks for stopping Lirin, Laral gives Kaladin a big smooch. However, as she does, Shallan walks in, gasps, and runs away. Kaladin chases after her saying that he can explain and we see no more of them in this book. - To raise money for the new Radiants, Dalinar and Renarin start a car wash. However, Amaram's 1974 Parsher truck turns out to be a Carform Parshendi, which turns into the legendary Voidmobile when Adolin hits it with a Highstorm. - Lopen is part of the 11th Radiant Order, the Ganchos. - Szeth and Darkness can't get into Shinovar because there's a ten dollar admission fee. Spook defrosts and the trio go on an epic quest to find ten dollars. - Derethil is still alive and the Aesudan subplot is resolved when Wandersail falls from the sky and crushes her. - Nan Balat reveals that Shallan's mom's name was 'Restares Davar'. - Szeth, Spook, and Darkness run into Jasnah, owner of Roshar's last ten dollars. Szeth and Jasnah bond over their mutual fakeout deaths. - Navani falls into a parallel dimension where Steelheart, The Rithmatist, and Alcatraz are part of the Cosmere. - Lift eats Sadeas's body, causing Sataneas to get mad. - Szeth finally gets back to Shinovar with the ten dollar admission fee, only to find out that they're closed for the summer. - Taravangian finds love. - Adolin gets a puppy and names it Sureblood Jr. However, his puppy gets eaten by TenSoon. - It's revealed that Odium wants to destroy the Cosmere because he got friendzoned by Cultivation. - The Nightwatcher is revealed to actually be the Nightwasher, and only gives you a boon and a curse if you wash your dishes. - Eshonai wakes up and finds that she has been rebuilt into a cyborg. - It's revealed that the Ten Fools founded a group called the Knights Radian. It takes two orders to form a Knights Diameter. - The big twists of the book are: 1. The Recreance happened becuase the Knights Radiant were no longer given a discount on fast food. 2. Elhokar has already been assassinated and Danlan has tricked everyone into thinking that she is Elhokar. 3. The masked Ghostblood is Stella, daughter of Dalinar and Vin, master of all Radiant powers, only one who can stop Odium, and love interest of Hoid. (Totally not a Mary Sue.) 4. Nohadon plaigirized The Way of Kings, stealing it in its entirety from How to be Evil by Dilaf. 5. Lift gets a Shardfork. 6. Ronald McDonald is coming to Roshar. I hope you are all happy to have the book utterly spoiled! Sorry Brandon, but I had to share this new info.

Agreed on this. Amaram doing nothing while Kaladin dived in to help showed Dalinar that Kaladin was more honourable, and so he tested Amaram because he trusted Kaladin.

She's actually Shallan's sister, just to make Shallan's cover story amusing on rereads.

I thought Nalan had a Shardblade? I'm probably mistaken, though.

On Page 912 of Words of Radiance (my brother has the book so I can't give an exact quote until he gives it back), Taravangian says, "One of the Honorblades has been taken." Szeth replies, "Another one of the seven?" (Taravangian is lying though.) Let's do some super easy math. The Shin have the Honorblades. There were 10 Honorblades. Taln never relinquished his blade, so the Shin would only have 9 Honorblades. They gave one of the 9 to Szeth, to make him Truthless. That should leave 8 Honorblades. But Szeth says that the Shin only have 7 Honorblades. One of the Honorblades is unaccounted for. Where is it? Was there another Truthless? (Unlikely, because Szeth said in The Way of Kings that the Stone Shamans would be able to get his Honorblade back if he died.) Or did someone take it? And if so, who has the unaccounted for Honorblade? (It would be really interesting if Helaran's blade was the missing Honorblade.)

Yeah, I kinda did. It makes me feel proud. Maybe one day we should have a giant 17th Shard (theory) showdown, and the winner gets all the rep.

Alternately, you could ask Ruin to edit your reputation for you, but when has anyone *coughwindrunnercough* done anything like that?

Actually, the fasted way to get rep is to say really stupid things that make no sense, like, "Hoid is actually a rhino and he keeps worldhopping because whenever the fans spot him, they try to poach him." Or maybe, "Emily Sanderson sneaks into Brandon's computer room when he's asleep and adds all the Hoid scenes to his work. Brandon actually has no clue who this 'Hoid' guy is but plays along because he thinks its a fandom joke." As one of the top twenty, I can attest that it works like a charm.

So, a week or so ago I caught an Oddish in Pokémon Y, and its Pokédex entry says that its scientific designation is the "Oddium Pokémon". Oh shoot. He reigns. In Kalos. Dalinar better get over there quickly.

Well, Vinlend is my OTP in general, but I don't oppose the many other Vin and Elend ships, such as VinSoon, Vin/Valette, Vinsier, Huvin, Vispook, VinShan, and Elend/The koloss who supposedly ate his horse but didn't actually. I do vehemently oppose any interaction between Vin and that poser Zane, however. Also, for non-canon ships, I have a thing for Jasnah/Szeth, although meeting the parents might cause some complications in their relationship.

The latest Penny Arcade is a childish attack on Brandon Sanderson. Seriously? What the heck? This boggles the mind. And apparently they haven't even read his books, they just heard about them from fans. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2013/09/30 Grr. This makes me want to use my internet rage.

Sorry, I didn't express myself clearly as to the reforging the Oathpact aspect. I meant that reforging the Oathpact would be the first step to defeating Odium. Brandon says that the Stormlight Archive is divided into two five book sequences in his mind, and that there will be a time skip between books 5 and 6, which will "not be as long as the time skip between The Hero of Ages and The Alloy of Law". Book 5 could end with the Oathpact reforged, and then a time skip until Odium brings another Desolation. Then the new Heralds come out of purgatory and the story continues, with the aim being to use the Oathpact to defeat Odium. After all, if Odium gets a victory condition (Honor's champions giving up their honour by going back on their word for personal benefit), then Honor's side must have a victory condition that mirrors it. For example, Odium's champions forsaking their hatred and rage, or something of the sort. Alternately, they don't have to go to purgatory at all. The Oathpact probably still stands as long as Taln doesn't break it, so if the characters find the victory condition they could actually win the Desolation and stop Odium. The characters could even win at the end of book 5. Brandon is incredibly fond of setting up one antagonist, then pulling the rug out from underneath us and revealing the true antagonist, who is much more dangerous and often takes the battle to a personal level. Odium so far has been set up as a typical "dark god" antagonist, and Ruin from Mistborn is there to convince us that Odium is super duper powerful. However, there could be an even bigger, badder antagonist behind Odium. After all, it's Brandon. He could introduce the real villain in the second half of the story. Anyway, I have continued my baseless-ish theory.

Okay, I've been throwing this one around in my head for a while, so I just wanted to get it out. The Heralds pop up every Desolation, right? Well, my theory is that Odium's purpose in triggering the True Desolation is not because he wants to kill everybody on Roshar. In fact, Odium not destroying life on Sel would imply (to me, at least) that he's only interested in the Shards, and couldn't care less about what they created. Rather, I believe that Odium is triggering this Desolation so that he can draw out Taln and get him to break the Oathpact for good. There does seem to be some proof for this. Jezrien says that Taln may be enough to hold the Oathpact, and Word of Brandon is that Odium can't leave Roshar without losing a great degree of power. Since Odium doesn't invest himself, the Oathpact would probably be the thing binding him to Roshar. Also, this opens up a possible beginning of a defeat for Odium that is not a Mistborn redux: 10 people selfless and honourable enough to sacrifice themselves for the world reforge the Oathpact, binding Odium again. This would make a nice twist to subvert the normal "Everything must be resolved with epic battle" fantasy story. Since a major theme of The Stormlight Archive seems to be letting go of warlike ways and embracing honour, it would be a thematic fit to have that happen. (Oh, and the characters going into purgatory would be an easy justification for the time skip after the fifth book.) Also, maybe I'll write about what I think the Oathpact is and why it was created later on. If my theories are correct, then it would pretty much spell out how to defeat Odium. And maybe I'll share my new Voidbringers theory later. But for now, thoughts on this?

Yes, while it's fun to imagine Brandon's works as awesome movies, it's easier and more fun to make up something terrible. And besides, Brandon's stuff is already pretty much perfect. Hilariously bad adaptations would be fun to think of. - Peter Jackson directs The Emperor's Soul and splits it into three 2 1/2 hour long movies so he can "tell the story to the fullest". - Product Placement. How did Vasher get the idea to make Nightblood? By looking at the Pizza Hut sign. What do the Returned need each week to prevent them from consuming their divine breathes? Coca Cola. How did Kelsier escape the Pits of Hathsin? He made a rope of Kraft Dinner, launched it to the top of the pit with Allomancy, and climbed out. - The Alloy of Law is about to become the next Call of Duty! Wax as an FPS protagonist! - Elantris as a family friendly comedy about an explorer named Roadion (Adam Sandler), who explores the ruins of Elantris, where he uncovers a conspiracy by the evil Dula, which are led by Dark Lord Gallaxadon (Will Smith) and his henchman Harryathen (Eddie Murphy), to steal jobs from the white people. Fortunately, the people of Elantris will help him save the day, if they can stop comically injuring themselves and farting!

I haven't read them, but here's a little quality test. Go. Look up the cover of book one. Tell me whose name is on that. That's right. Brandon. Hoiding. Sanderson. Everything he makes is solid gold, so it's definitely worth reading. If I heard that Brandon was making a sandwich, I would line up six weeks in advance to see if I could get a taste of that sandwich. (Unless it was for himself. Then I would leave him to it, because he needs to eat if he wants to write.)

Honestly guys. (Courtesy of Blushweaver.) It's been months, so I don't see how you guys haven't figured this out yet. Sure, Hoid may be the enigma of the Cosmere. But it's, like, an anvil to the head. The answer to the mystery, I mean. Hoid is a Time Lord and smoke is his TARDIS. I'm going to tag this, because it contains spoilers for A Memory of Light. Hoid's cameo shenanigans are a result of his repeated failures to track down the Doctor. However, since he's on the Shardworlds, he decides that he might as well put his time to good use by messing with people. Oh, and he's been considering all of the characters he meets for potential companions. The reason he's more prominent on Roshar is because Renarin is the first person that he's ever seriously considered taking as a companion. It should be clear who the recipient of the letter is now. My work here is done, ladies and gentlemen. If you need me to spell out any more of the Cosmere's worst kept secrets, you need only ask.

Make a chalkling to scratch the chalkboard.

Kaladin and Dalinar bring back the Radiants. The next book, rather than advancing the plot, will be about what every single other character in the series was doing while Kaladin brought back the Radiants. Adolin will find out that Dalinar is not his father, and then despite how awesome Dalinar is, readers won't see him again until the last book, where he will teach Adolin to find peace while simultaneously hanging out with Shallan in Shinovar. The series will end with Kaladin switching bodies with Szeth and heading off on wild adventures. Adolin will take a break from the crusade against Odium to buy some grain. Kaladin, instead of rejecting the Shardblade, would spend ten books carrying it around. Despite his Shardblade literally trying to kill him at one point, he wouldn't ditch it until he got mad and chopped some guy's hand off. The quality of food will degrade throughout the books, culminating in Elhokar holding a fancy feast and literally serving his guests rust. One of the Parshendi would see Kaladin and start worshiping him, causing him to become a major threat that had to be defeated. Odium would be defeated because someone yelled at him in all caps. Cultivation would be a horse who keeps appearing randomly nearby important plot points.

- Shalash isn't the Mistress, but people will constantly come up with that theory. In fact, Shalash won't be revealed until Book 10, and she'll be some random character we've never heard about before. - Whole 1000 page books will go by with Kaladin, Dalinar, Shallan, Szeth, Jasnah, Navani, and Adolin all completely absent. - By Book 3, all characters of any significance will be able to take down 10 Voidbringers without breaking a sweat. - Kaladin will spend books going mad before getting over it in one chapter. - Most of the bad guys will be killed, then revived and killed again after doing nothing important. - Kaladin will get hooked up to some random woman he meets out of nowhere. - Hoid will die at the end of the series. - Odium is actually an impostor and when it looks like he's been beaten at the end of Book 5, Jasnah will reveal that the real deal is still out there. - Dalinar will start up a Radiant school with the help of an obviously evil guy. - A bunch of Shin will kidnap Navani and leave Dalinar doing nothing awesome as he spends books chasing after them.

I got into The Wheel of Time back in 2011, so it was because I knew that the last few books would be written by Brandon. I was skeptical, because I was enjoying Robert Jordan's work and didn't know if Brandon could measure up. However, I flipped through The Gathering Storm when I got it (I was still on Lord of Chaos), and from his author's note I realized that it was going to be amazing. I loved The Gathering Storm and Towers of Midnight (the only WoT I like more is A Memory of Light), but I didn't give much thought to checking out Brandon's own work. Then in March 2012, I was going to buy some comic books, but my dad said they weren't "real" books and told me to get a novel. So I wandered around the bookstore I was in until noticing the Mistborn trilogy, and idly wondering if Brandon was any good on his own. From the back of the first book, I was completely hooked. I bought the entire trilogy and devoured it a week later after finishing the Warriors reread I was in the middle of. It was amazing, of course. So now I've padded out my explanation just to make you waste your life reading more of my post. Being pointless, Lightflame style!

Everyone whose name doesn't begin with a "Z" and end with an "ane". (So if Brandon introduces Zelamane, I wouldn't date that dude.) I have the Shard of Harems.