DramaQueen

Left broken-hearted, lonely, scared. 

Wishing you were here

Wondering if you think the same

Think you wonder:

"Here? Were you?"

Wish fear, loneliness, heartbreak

Left.

Well, folks, I'm back; let's do this again

We'll see who's still standing when this round hits its end

 

Wayne, I'll admit, you never make things dull,

But seems your favorite pastime's making Marasi uncomfortable

And, might I add, it also seems she's not the only one;

You chased after Ranette till she chased you with a gun

She shot not one, not three, but four

Still you'd insist on chasing more

It wasn't till you knew she's gay

That you finally went away

Your respect for women is seriously lacking-

And if it's me who's saying that, you know you must be slacking.

I'll confess, my attitude towards women at the balls

Was far less than ideal; why'd Vin fall for me at all?

But at least I didn't actively seek to make her squirm

You play to Marasi's discomfort, you're lower than a worm

 

Now, this might be low-hanging fruit,

But you, dear man, will never shoot

See, you can hardly touch a gun,

And when you do, you come undone

Disguises, healing, and speed bubbles

Barely get you out of trouble

Some may call you a coward,

In truth you're a brave man who cowered

Which is, debatably, far worse

It's not shameful, it's just perverse

Your greatest talent is your skill

At pretending to be Bill,

Joe, or Bob, whoever else

You hardly ever play yourself

Do you have a personality?

Or did you steal that from your disguisees?

In fact, I'll add on the subject of stealing,

Your "trades" are far from appealing

Kleptomania is what I'd call it

If I didn't think you'd throw a fit

It's not a trade if what you get,

If paid full price, puts you in debt

When all you give in return

Is your dead grandmother's urn

Trades are meant to be

Of equal value, so you see

You're swindling all these poor folks

And laughing like it's just a joke

 

Okay, fine, I'll agree

You've certainly done some good things

But at your core, no matter what

Good sir, you're just a little butt

You've never heard of boundaries,

You take things that aren't yours with ease,

Too in your head to hold a gun

Can't converse without poking fun,

You're someone else all along,

And when the train was attacked, you just got busy with MeLaan

Allow me to propose a trade:

Me for you; it's been delayed

But now this roast has reached its end

You might as well surrender to Elend.

Alrighty then, let's get this battle started,

Two of us inevitably will be leaving broken-hearted

Looking at my competition, though, I must say, I'm not scared

No offense, but it's clear that I'm the most prepared

Two of us are royalty,

Two of us divinity

Only one with both, that's me

The best out of this trinity

 

Lightsong, my man, a god who doesn't want to be one

But a good man like yourself knows how things should be run

See, when you're given power, you must take it with authority

You gotta let the people's lives become your top priority

You might be thinking "wait, hold up, I didn't ask to qualify

"Why are all the common folk deciding it's me they glorify?"

Chances are,

It's cuz you are

The best they got,

The rest ain't hot,

So pop a squat,

I'll tell you what

True cowardice is what you got

Sure, some folks bury heads in sand

But you refuse to take command

You're trusted and respected, too,

But you deny these things are true

You have the capability

To take responsibility;

Instead you play the fickle fool

While doubting your divinity

Who cares if you're a god or not?

With the admiration that you've got,

You have the chance to do something

Instead your life's an endless ring

You do the same things every day

Your life will never fade away

But surely you find no true joy

Just looking like a golden boy

Instead of you, Siri and Vivenna

Have to sort out your dilemmas

Hallandren is your own city

But you hardly do more than just sit pretty

Sure, you give them the occasional tip,

But mostly all you give is lip

In short, you play at apathetic;

Shorter, you are just pathetic.

 

And now for Adolin, a prat of a prince

Just the thought of you is enough to make me wince

To roast someone like you is an insult to my talent

You roast yourself daily just by trying to be gallant

You tried to fight for Kaladin by being your own jailor,

You've pooped yourself on purpose, and your best friend is your tailor

You're reckless, irresponsible, and can't keep a relationship

The only one that lasted had to be an arranged courtship

Dude, I read books at balls, I barely even tried,

You offended half the country then got a mail-order bride

You seem to spend all of your time out gallivanting

While everyone else tries to stop the world from ending

Honestly, you're mostly there for comic relief

And to have another person giving Kaladin grief

How many things have you done without a thought?

And how many of those things made everyone distraught?

Your impulsiveness can have its moments, that I'll admit,

Killing Sadeas was approved of, even by Wit,

But you gotta think things through, when push comes to shove,

Maybe that explains why you always struggled with love.

You need to learn when to trust your instincts and when to let them lay

Unless you want to push anyone and everyone away

Lighthearted conversation has its place, to be sure,

But when things are going wrong, it's not always the cure

You would risk everything on the slightest whim

What spren would ever want to bond with someone so dim?

Of course, powers aren't necessary to prove to be useful

Too bad so few of your efforts have proven to be fruitful

I know how it feels to be overshadowed by your wife,

But that's no excuse to run around wasting your life

I'd like to think there's hope for you, but looking at the stats,

It seems that all you'll ever be is Prince of the Prats.

 

So, Adolin, Lightsong, thank you for your efforts

I wish I could apologize, but the truth is that truth hurts

You did your best,

You took the test,

We'll soon discover who'll rise above the rest

You'll find that you're the losers when this round comes to its end

That's the price you pay when you face off against Elend