shortcake

Oof. Okay, deep breaths.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okayokayokay

I wanna say something. And if people end up hating me for it, then sucks for them.

So, uh-

I am biologically a female. But recently, I haven't always felt feminine. I'm not saying that I'm transgender. Not at all. I just don't always feel like a woman, I guess.

Like, I enjoy wearing dresses sometimes, but I don't like having... how do I say this- the stuff at the top. And I bought a binder (for those of you who don't know, binders are the thing that some people use to  flatten the "top junk." It looks kind of like a bra.) so that I don''t have to deal with it all the time, but I think I might be wearing it too much.  Like, to the point where my lungs have started hurting so bad that I'll be gasping for air. And yes, I'm fairly certain it's because of the binder, and not because of something else, because it doesn't happen when I'm not wearing it.

But here's the thing. I don't want to not wear it. I feel more myself when I wear it.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm either agender or non-binary. And that wearing a binder might be hurting me physically, but it's given me some clarity, mentally. But I'm trying to decide if the binder is worth it. I don't know how I feel about it, but  I do know that when I wore the binder for the first time, I felt more me. I don't want to lose that. It's the only thing that's made sense to me during this messed-up summer.

but yeah. also please don't just like, read this and then not say anything, because then I'll get super anxious because I won't know how you feel about it.