Edema Rue

Birthdays…

birthdays.

so much potential.

I wish I could throw a masquerade ball, or a murder mystery roleplay type thing, or even just invite two or three friends to get a drink with me (soda. I’m underage and lds, guys.)

It’s a silly thing to be feeling so bugged over

but I am

we’re almost a month into summer now, and…I miss humans.

i need people.

I’m a blue, a ENFP-T, a two.

people make me who I am.

why, then, am I terrified anytime someone even asks if I’m open? And why am I so scared to ask anyone myself?

I don’t want presents or treats or memories or family.

i want to be around people who want to be around me. I want to laugh and cry and be safe in the arms of the people who promise to help battle all my demons. 

I want to throw a scudding party without being terrified that no one will come or that I’ll be embarrassed. I want to sit around a fire and talk, and I want it to be just one of many such occasions. 

I’m tired of being lonely.

and I’m tired of being too scared to do anything about it.

ah, well. I survived another year, despite a whole lot of moments when I thought I wouldn’t.

And I can recognize the good, even if the bad is so much more plain, and seems to taint everything it touches.

but I’m ok

and I’ll be ok

and uh…sorry idk why I even wrote this lol, hope y’all are doing good and that this next week brings more laughter than it does tears.

with love, Eddie

(also someone give me motivation to write, I’ve been slacking)