Shadowed

By golly, I do believe this trombone player has fainted. Do you see flute players fainting like this? No.

 I love how his band mates just keep playing. That's real professionalism there. 

Where you wear your cropped shirts and jean shorts and tank tops, I’ll wear my t-shirts and one day the mark of my covenants.

Where you keep your money and pictures in your phone case, I’ll keep my temple recommend.

Where you say ****, I’ll say fridge.

You tell me I dress weird.

You tell me I talk weird.

You tell me I’m naive, overzealous. 

You tell me I’m a fool, tell me I’m wasting my time. 

You tell me a lot of things.

Where you gorge yourself on food, I fast.

And you tell me it’s a meaningless sacrifice.

You tell me my prayers go up to an empty sky.

You tell me my rock is actually just flimsy paper mache. 

But in the end, I don’t care.

Because when you are sobbing and broken on the floor, when you have lost all hope because you tell yourself that you are completely alone and worthless, I will be there.

When you find yourself wondering if life is even worth it anymore, I will be there.

And I will lift you, life you with a strength I don’t have.

I will lift you because He is lifting me.

You will not fall, because no matter what you tell me, world, I know. And you will not, you cannot, take my knowing away from me. 

So tell me I’m wrong.

Tell me my scriptures are meaningless weight.

Tell me I’ll always be weaker, always be an outsider, always be worth less.

Because one day, your shoes and clothes and beautiful illusions will fall through. 

One day, you won’t be okay.

And that, my dear friend, is okay. Because when you can’t keep going, I will find you, and I will carry you until you have the strength to stand. 

You cannot outrun my love.

Your lies cannot overwhelm my truth.

And your pain is not more than my peace. 

I probably need more sleep. 

I Will Sing No Requiem Tonight

Well, today is my Shardiversary. It's hard to believe that it's been a year, but at the same time it's hard to believe it's only been a year. It's been an adventure, for sure!

Recently, I've found myself increasingly reflective as I prepare to graduate high school and depart from my home. It's a melancholy time, but it's also filled with hope. And the memories I've made on the Shard, and the friends, connections, stories, jokes, adventures...they've changed me. I'm a different person than I was before. This year has been really tough for me, but having people here to give me advice and guide me through it, and honestly just having an outlet for the pain has really made a difference in my life. This is a special community, one that I'll always remember.

I think the people here are what makes this place so unique.

@The Wandering Wizard, the wonderful Wiz! You were one of the first people to help me feel like I belonged, and you've been a true friend to me, an amazing source of laughter and fun. Thank you for everything. @Robin Sedai, your sharing of Calvin and Hobbes and other comics when I first joined is one of my favorite memories on the Shard. I admire your voice of reason whenever things get a little unhinged.

@CalanoCorvus, you always bring optimism to conversations and give great advice. You and @DoomslugLuna are adorable. @SymphonianBookworm our conversations here will always make me smile. I know you haven't been as active recently (I miss you!), but I know you're going to do great things! #Phantom #Jasnahoid 

@Telrao, come backkkkkkkk soon! I miss having someone to nerd out about jazz with. Your muffins and cats are iconic here on the shard. And your playlists are fantastic. Thank you for the wonderful art. @The Bookwyrm, your passion for space and astronomy really shines through. You're thoughtful and insightful, and our conversations keep me thinking for a long time after we're done. I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll end up!@Kajsa :), thank you for being a wonderful human being. You care about us, and you're just amazing. Your art is also out of this world! @That1Cellist, you are worth more than you could ever comprehend. You deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your love of cello with the world. @The Halcyon Girl, you are an amazing person. We miss you on the Shard. I'm so glad you commissioned that throne from me.

@InfiniteInsanity, you are kind and you have wonderful ideas to cheer people up. Your mission was such a sweet idea. When you're on sugar, now I know to runnnnn @The Aspiring Archivist, I'm glad I know you. Thank you for putting up with me and for being there for anyone who needs it. You have a nice voice, too. @Ranryu, your energy, and sense of humor make the world a better place. Best of luck to you with your piano and compositional career! @TheGreatSnail, aren't filters funny?? In all seriousness, those SU replys were fun. That was where it was at! @Wittles of Shinovar, WITTLESS Skittles, I admire the way you bring a positive attitude towards problems. It's not easy the way that life works out, but you're an amazing helping hand. @The Last Fæ, you often have something very interesting to share. I like the way that you think. @Potato's Wit, you're really funny. The things you share make me laugh a lot 

@Morningtide, you're always so nice. I still can't believe there's an Idaho Potato Museum! @S. Stormy, diggin' the new branding. I love how you're always up for shenanigans and helping everyone here have a good time. @Cinnamon, you're down-to-earth and friendly, EVEN THOUGH you live life upside-down. That makes it even more special. @Thaidakar the Ghostblood, you're funny! And you always have quality things to share. @Sequence, you're always full of good vibes. It's always so interesting when you share the coolest info on planes and the like.

@Cruciatus_heart, Elfffffff! Your interest in a certain type of brooding slightly insane sociopath is very funny to me. You have excellent taste in media. Congrats on everything you've accomplished this year! @TheAlpha929, you're very chill, and just fun to be around. @Eluvianii, you have chill pfps and you have cool answers on the forum games.

@Matrim's Dice, thank you for all your help in SE and for putting up with me that one conversion game. No thank you for betraying me, but I know that's how it goes.  and :P. for life. @The Known Novel, Thank you for the chaos. It is the way. *fist bump*. Kasimir, Archer, Aman, Stick, Illwei-- you guys are all really cool. I'm happy to have gotten to play with all of you this year.

@Channelknight Fadran, you've always been the cool, experienced, cultured guy here. Ever since I joined, I've looked up to you and your RPing and worldbuilding prowess. @dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnex, I never know what to expect from your SUs! I always know it'll be a fun time when I open that notif up. Man, those nnnnnns really keep growing. @DramaQueen, you really are a queen of drama. I know we haven't talked much but can't we just agree that theatre kids are the coolest! @Trutharchivist, thank you for sharing your culture with the shard. It's been very eye-opening. @Nathrangking, you write beautiful poems, and you have a wonderful perspective on the world.

@Cash67 I never can remember if you're young but really wise for your age, or older but still really wise for your age. You are Perry the Platypus incarnate in the best way possible. SPEAKING OF PLATYPI, @Being of Cacophony, you are ALSO a pretty cool platypus. I like checking out TLT and seeing your chaos there. Cacophony is also a really fun word. @Edema Ruh, you'll remain an Aes Sedai in my mind for a very long time. Also, spontaneity is the best! And you're great at that. @Lotus Blossom, I'm so happy Symph got you to join the shard! You're a cool person

@The Storming Stormfather, your messages on peoples' profiles are really funny. Thanks for being the storming The Storming Stormfather. @Justice_Magician, your art is incredible! Thank you for sharing it with the shard! @HOID WANTS INSTANT NOODLES, bro we gotta make that board game happen. You had so many great ideas. @Lord Gregorio, you have cool pfps. Also, interesting thoughts to share!

@Nameless*, it's truly a shame that Nameless stole your name. Your contributions to TLT are immense, and not to be questioned. @Szeth's Facepalm, your cute froggie dudes make my day. Where they at??? @Shadowed you're always great fun and it's always so cool to find fellow musicians here. Flute rules! @solarcat can we just take a minute to appreciate how awesome your username is??

@2EmLee2, @Enter a username, @PyroPhile, you guys are all super cool. Thanks for being iconic.

It's been an amazing year. Here's to many more

Thank you everyone <3

I completely forgot, yesterday was my shardiversary.

Geez, i’m sorry, i was so busy yesterday, I had an eight and a half hour shift at work.

People to thank!!!

@The Wandering Wizard You, sir, are an incredible human being. The past year of RPing on Insanity Clinic with you has  been simply incredible, and our conversations are always a joy to have.

@Morningtide You never fail to come through with a good comment on my writing page. Thank you for that, it brings me more joy than you know to recieve positive comments on my writing.

@Szeth's Facepalm We’re just kind of friends by default… Excited to meet you in person at Dragonsteel, mi amigo!!

@InfiniteInsanity and @The Bookwyrm You two are a package deal, though you both have your own separate praises. You’re both a wonderful addition to the Clinic, and you’re both wonderful, wonderful people. You and the other Nebraskans talk about me in real life, and it for some reason I feel honored, I don’t know why.

@Potato's Wit @Ranryu You two are also a package deal to me, and I think you’re both very fun.

@Kajsa :) Kajsa you’re just awesome. We’ve been talking more the past couple months, and I view you as a very close friend. (And I am still patiently waiting for updates on my commission. Of course, no pressure, I understand there’s uncontrollable factors you’re facing.)

@Edema Ruh Another Clinic person!!! I like you, Edema, you’re pretty chill.

@Channelknight Fadran You’re 3 am science essays are both interesting to read and existentially terrifying. You’re a veteran here in my eyes, and it’s fun to talk to you.

@Nathrangking Your romantic advice and boosting words have been inspirationally helpful in my romantic endeavors. Thanks to you, and your wonderful advice and thoughts, I was able to promise Luna some wonderful things.

@Sequence You absolute gay romantic, I love you you’re incredible, thanks for letting me help you with your relationship woes.

And finally, @DoomslugLuna, you wonderful, beautiful, radiant person. I love you the most, you’re incredible, thank you for the past year, and here’s to more and more even better ones.

And to anyone I missed, thank you and I love you!!!

Heres to another great year on the Shard!!!!

Here’s a ton of content from tonight! (Also I guess you could think of it as a face reveal too ) all the ones during the show are from Full Disclosure. I might also be able to upload a video of mine and Mal’s section of Crazier Than You.

Here’s a ton of content from tonight! (Also I guess you could think of it as a face reveal too ) all the ones during the show are from Full Disclosure. I might also be able to upload a video of mine and Mal’s section of Crazier Than You.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay so a few things happened yesterday that were super epic.

First, I FINALLY got highlights in my hair so that's happy, and it's going to be great for the musical. But it also took SIX HOURS. Like.... why did it take that long?? I had to skip lunch, and I was so hungry  I also was sitting in a chair for five and a half of those hours. The hairstylist said it would take, like, four max, but I guess it depends on how your hair processes the dye. Especially cuz she opted out of using bleach.

Second, OUR SET LOOKS SO FREAKING COOL IT'S LITERALLY INSANE HEHEHEH. I'll post pictures after rehearsal today (yesterday we had it from 10-7 but I missed most of it so I have to make it up today from 10-7 lol). The set should be nearly finished, if not done, by then. I can't wait  

Third, my little sister had her last swing choir performance. It was cute.

Also, now I have to finish a history project worth 40 points that was due on Friday... whoopsies. Wish me luck!

FRE SHA VOCA DO!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This is my accomplishment of which I am most proud. I am having a little dance party with myself right now!!!!!!!

In other news I saw the Mary Poppins musical again, this time with school and it was just as awesome. I also have gotten my motivation back for music and I'm performing a song called Lullaby of Birdland at a soiree next week, I'm slowly digging my way out of my reading slump and I've started drawing again so prepare for my art thread to actually have stuff in it. 

Now... back to the member title:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

Thank you guys so much :), and one aghain, just for good measure: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I had a story idea and asked people to make characters for it.

But I had the idea to turn it into an RP.

This is an interest gauge. If I made an RP out of the idea presented in my previous SU, would you join? Would it go well?

Okay four things. Two of them are poems (one's a slam and another's just a free verse), another is a complaint, and the third one is something I'm struggling with that I'm going to be rather obscure about.

We'll start with the complaint. My gym teacher is So. Scudding. Creepy.

I walked into gym class today to check in so I could flee to the library. He stood even closer to me than regular and said, "How's it going, Hon?"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO WEEIRDDDDDDDDDD. Is that the thing that should be reported? I feel like I should report it. For context, he's probably 50 or 60 years old and should probably not be a PE teacher anyway. I feel harassed.

Here are my poems:

Slam poem--35

Poem #2 (school assignment--"I Am From" Poem)

Fourth thing... struggle.

So yup. 

It's a new day, people. I'm trying my best to be positive, but...

I feel sick. Inside and outside. Maybe it's because a kid accidentally sneezed in my face yesterday... 

I'm less anxious though, and just more... empty. Better to feel numb than overwhelmed?

My grades are also slipping again, so I'm not excited about that. 

I made it to school 45 minutes late which means I already have stuff to do for homework, which I have no motivation to do except to keep straight As and avoid lecture. *sigh*

These last six weeks of school are going to be mostly testing, so I don't feel like it's reasonable for classes to be giving out mountains of homework... like, who does that?? 

I also got selected for a history extension on the Emancipation Proclamation, which normally I'd be happy to get out of my regular classroom and learn some more, but I'm just done, you know? I'm sick of school and I'm sick of learning and I'm sick of life. 

I want to go home. 

At least math is easy right now. We skipped over Unit 6 earlier this year so we could come back to it towards the end of the year since it's easier and we could kind of just coast through it. We're doing probability. Easy peasy. 

It's weird. I feel like school is my safe place, but I hate BEING here. I hate what we do here. Over and over and over we let them control our lives, what we learn... they strip our choices away until before you know it the only choice you make each day is what to get on your lunch tray.

You have 35 minutes to eat. Don't be late back to class. 

One 35 minute break in an 8 hour day of sitting in a chair and being talked at. One 35 minute break in 11 hours of being away from home if you have musical practice that day. One 35 minute break in 13 hours away if you have choreography.

35 minutes.

Take notes until your wrists hurt and fingers bruise. Listen until you get a headache, and don't make any noise. Don't make a mess. Don't eat a snack right now, it's not third period. You already used your two bathroom passes today, go during passing period. But if you're late, it's detention. And you can't use go during passing period, because that's when the kids rush to the bathrooms and sneak in their hourly two minutes of vaping. It's when they trade answers on the homework and send inappropriate Snaps to each other. You can't go because you'll get stuck with the wrong crowd. And you can't use your hall pass for a walk in the halls when your anxiety hits you, because it's "against the rules". 

When did this happen?

You know what, I'm going to write a slam poem about this. Excuse me while I go do that. I'll be back later.

IT IS DONE!

Please enjoy, Shatter Me!

@That1Cellist @Telrao @Being of Cacophony @Thaidakar the Ghostblood @Morningtide @Cinnamon @Spark of Hope @The Bookwyrm @InfiniteInsanity @Kajsa :) @CalanoCorvus @Aes Sedai

Double lucky  

I hath been swallowed by the great Shard of Inactivity.

I need saving from the other great Shard of Schoolwork (the Vessel of which is named Biology), who has been encouraging Inactivity and preventing Activity from rising victorious once more.

Happy π day!!

It’s march 1st! You ready

Consider my brain officially fried.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

FIRST SNOW OF THE YEAR 

WE GOT A TWO HOUR DELAY FOR FIVE WONDERFUL INCHES OF SNOW

all the other schools around us got the day off but you take what you can get

SNOW!!

I'm starting to get hit with a very intense case of senioritis now that I've gotten into college. But hear me out—this is what a typical school day for me is like

Period 1: 10 minute Gov activity then free time
Period 2: Free reading period
Period 3: Spanish (AKA movie-watching period)
Period 4: Meditation in Gym
Period 5: Study Hall
Period 6: Lunch
Period 7: Strings
Period 8: Psych (aka throw stuffed elephants at each other)

But the thing is, I'm not even taking the easy classes! Like, this is the hard version of senior year! What?

I'm not complaining about the lack of work (the first half of this year was like the hardest time of my life), but it is making me question the point of these few months in the first place.

Also who wants to join the profile picture chaos

I'm starting to get hit with a very intense case of senioritis now that I've gotten into college. But hear me out—this is what a typical school day for me is like

Period 1: 10 minute Gov activity then free time
Period 2: Free reading period
Period 3: Spanish (AKA movie-watching period)
Period 4: Meditation in Gym
Period 5: Study Hall
Period 6: Lunch
Period 7: Strings
Period 8: Psych (aka throw stuffed elephants at each other)

But the thing is, I'm not even taking the easy classes! Like, this is the hard version of senior year! What?

I'm not complaining about the lack of work (the first half of this year was like the hardest time of my life), but it is making me question the point of these few months in the first place.

Also who wants to join the profile picture chaos

I'm starting to get hit with a very intense case of senioritis now that I've gotten into college. But hear me out—this is what a typical school day for me is like

Period 1: 10 minute Gov activity then free time
Period 2: Free reading period
Period 3: Spanish (AKA movie-watching period)
Period 4: Meditation in Gym
Period 5: Study Hall
Period 6: Lunch
Period 7: Strings
Period 8: Psych (aka throw stuffed elephants at each other)

But the thing is, I'm not even taking the easy classes! Like, this is the hard version of senior year! What?

I'm not complaining about the lack of work (the first half of this year was like the hardest time of my life), but it is making me question the point of these few months in the first place.

Also who wants to join the profile picture chaos

I'm starting to get hit with a very intense case of senioritis now that I've gotten into college. But hear me out—this is what a typical school day for me is like

Period 1: 10 minute Gov activity then free time
Period 2: Free reading period
Period 3: Spanish (AKA movie-watching period)
Period 4: Meditation in Gym
Period 5: Study Hall
Period 6: Lunch
Period 7: Strings
Period 8: Psych (aka throw stuffed elephants at each other)

But the thing is, I'm not even taking the easy classes! Like, this is the hard version of senior year! What?

I'm not complaining about the lack of work (the first half of this year was like the hardest time of my life), but it is making me question the point of these few months in the first place.

Also who wants to join the profile picture chaos

I'm starting to get hit with a very intense case of senioritis now that I've gotten into college. But hear me out—this is what a typical school day for me is like

Period 1: 10 minute Gov activity then free time
Period 2: Free reading period
Period 3: Spanish (AKA movie-watching period)
Period 4: Meditation in Gym
Period 5: Study Hall
Period 6: Lunch
Period 7: Strings
Period 8: Psych (aka throw stuffed elephants at each other)

But the thing is, I'm not even taking the easy classes! Like, this is the hard version of senior year! What?

I'm not complaining about the lack of work (the first half of this year was like the hardest time of my life), but it is making me question the point of these few months in the first place.

Also who wants to join the profile picture chaos