Silver Phantom

First time on mobile!!!!!!!

I got a phone.

yes!

I got a Boomslug plushie too!!

Merry Christmas Eve shard family! 
Remember the real reason for the season and enjoy the time with your family!

tomorrow is going to be absolutely crazy, so I’ll be sure to give you guys a very dramatic update tomorrow about everything that went down with the thirty people expected to be in my living room. 
Merry Christmas!

Elf is the most cringey, painful classic Christmas movie ever. No other one is as weird as this one.

If you have not seen it and think another one is worse, I will tell you, go watch it simply so that you can know that I am right.

In other words, my family is watching it right now and I'm watching some of it too, but walking out of the room when I am in pain from it-

It’s Christmas Eve!!!

 How’s everyone doing?

Merry Christmas Eve! Even for those of you who don't celebrate, I wish you all a wonderful winter filled with family, laughter, memories and joy. Be sure to drink plenty of hot chocolate, eat tons of warm, good food, sing carols, and take the time to think of those less fortunate than us. As you unwrap your gifts or breathe in the cool, frosty air, make sure you smile. But also make sure you acknowledge the many in suffering right now. If you are religious, say a prayer for them. If you are not, simply take a moment's silence. Wherever you are on this earth, remember that Christmas is the time of year for happiness and joy, yet there are so many without homes, without families, without countries to belong to... And extent your heart, not only to family and friends, but to them as well. Promise me all of you will take this well-deserved break to lick a candy cane or sticky toffee. If the weather allows it, run around in the snow. Read a book. Sleep in, and rest for once. Hug your relatives, and enjoy your moments together with them. Make the perfect gift for someone in your life that you truly appreciate, yet rarely show your gratitude towards. Spend this winter coming alive again, after a rough fall that has droned on far too long. Fill your eyes back with joy. Wonder. Festivities. Christmas. Wish someone, perhaps a neighbor, who you never talk to a "Merry Christmas." Write cards to friends, and even if they don't celebrate Christmas, write "Happy Holidays." Take the time to make the world a better place. But please, I beg you: take the time to also remember those who are cold. Who are hungry. Who are crying. Who are alone. Remember them, too, and never forget them. Go off! Enjoy your break! Drink warm tea! And most of all, Merry Christmas!  

It’s Christmas Eve boys

SOME IMPORTANT THINGS, TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT AWARE:

First, I like slugs. And snails. A lot. They're wonderful. I have 2 snail stuffed animals, a slug plushie and a crocheted slug, and about 10 slugs stickers. Also, I've dressed up as a snail for Halloween. Twice. Once when I was 5. The other time when I was...not.

They're wonderful. 

Just so everyone knows.

And you can hold snails and they're sweet and cute and they have the most adorable little eyes and when they nibble on you it tickles, and when you're holding more than 15 at a time things get weird and it's just a really amazing experience that everyone needs to have.

And second, I started getting those "Since 2023 is almost over, send this to everyone who made you smile this year" texts. 

So I'm here  

Because y'all have caused many smiles this year.

So thank you, for the laughter and the smiles and the RP and the pain we've caused so many fictional characters.

Merry Christmas, my friends!

First things first, new profile pic, yeah!!

second cat

Third, sorry I haven’t been on much, have been busy and traveling. 

Fourth. I AM IN WASHINGTON!! My parent moved up here so now I get to spend Christmas in this beautiful state.

Fifth, I finished “Sunlit Man” and it was so good, with that all I have to do is read white sands and I am up to date with the Cosmere 

Six and finally I watch the Percy Jackson episodes and the Monk movie and loved both

Guys I think we’ve done it

 

Hello everyone.

Just a bit of an update.  

 

Ookla Season is, obviously, over. I know this as well as anyone, but I don’t know what to change my name to. I don’t like the name Labyrinth. I’ve retired the name TheAlpha929 on almost all accounts on anything, because I think the Alpha Sigma TikToks and YT Shorts are annoying. I like my nickname, Alphy, but I don’t want it to be my username.

The main candidate for my next (and hopefully final) non-event influenced username is Paradox. I like it a lot, but what do you guys think? And who has suggestions? I really want to hear them. Thank you. 

I have more followers than Ene:

The Shard removed notifications for status updates so I can't spam them: 

*GASPS* 

IM ALIVE!!!

I MISSED YOU GUYS!!!

also

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

Anywho

Ive been off the grid for the past few days, I’ve only managed to get texts through so sorry I haven’t been on.

Im going to need a little update, though I’ve checked some profiles and I will check some rps soooo yeah

It’s good to be back, I really did miss you guys.

I love you guys a lot, but it was kind of nice to get away…

For the first time in a long time I spent four days anxiety and depressive episode free. I legitimately forgot what it felt like to be free.

 past here I’m just going to talk about some stuff that have been going on so if you don’t care then don’t read.

—————————

Boy was that an experience.

I really did forget what it felt like to not feel…….so weighed down.

I miss that. 

I didn’t have to worry about what anyone thought or who I was and I could just exist and I wouldn’t be a problem to anyone or anything.

Thats ended, that’s over, it’s gone now.

That feeling has left me, sadly, but I am thankful I managed to hold onto it for three or four days.

I  wish it didn’t have to be that way, where that feeling fleets quickly.

Im going try and hold it, but I already knew it was gone last night.

I was lying in bed and couldn’t help but feel a deep self hatred. 
 

I kept asking myself, why can’t I fit in everywhere? You fit in great with a group of completely random strangers on a big stupid boat, why not back at home?

Why can’t you look like that? You found someone who is the perfect image of what you would love to look like physically, why can’t you be like that? Why won’t you cut your hair? Are you afraid of what people will say? Why don’t you change your style? What’s stopping you?

I couldn’t get them to go away so I just turned on some music and went to sleep, trying to ignore it.

Those thoughts still haunt me in the back of my mind.

Why can’t I just be who I want without feeling restricted? 
 

And the hard thing is there is one thing that I’ve been telling myself to tame the thoughts.

Things will get better in college, you can have a fresh start.

But the truth is I still have several years before college and I know my mental health is just going to get worse as I get older.

I don’t know what to do.

Im going to try and take care of myself more. Drink more water. Keep myself clean. Keep up the schoolwork. 

I have so many songs I’ve been relating to lately and it’s scaring me honestly.

I don’t know what I’m doing or how to deal with all these feelings. I know it’s part of growing up, but I don't think feeling this much…deep hatred for myself is just “normal”. 
 

Like this hatred isn’t up front. It’s way down there, deep down. Like if you asked me if I thought I was beautiful, I would say yes. But the second the word leaves my lips my own mind is screaming at me. I know it’s not true, but I can hold a smile while my heart and mind is melting inside of me where I don’t know what’s what anymore. Are these just thoughts or is this seeping into my heart? Do I really think I’m not worthy of love? Do I really think I don’t belong or deserve anything?

My best friend says it sounds kind of like a bit of imposter syndrome. I don’t know though.

I just…..

Help.

Thats the only word I can think of.

Im dying.

I started healing, I could feel my mind building back up, healing itself up. But it crashed.

Im slowly fading to this illness, things are blurring. Mind and heart have become one. Feeling and reality are mixing. Value and lies are being weighed the same.

I wish I was brave.

I wish I was strong.

I wish I was courageous.

maybe then I wouldn’t be afraid, no, terrified of this creeping disease. But I’m terrified.

What happens if I don’t get help?

What happens if I never find love?

what happens if I don’t live a valuable life?

what happens if I never do anything with my life?

………….

Thanks for listening to my rant. I guess I just spiraled. I already know I’m going to get hugs so thank you. I really do love you guys. I just…. I don’t understand what’s happening and I’m being told it’s normal by my parents but this doesn’t feel normal. I don’t think this is ‘just part of growing up’

I've always dreamed of writing worlds,

Of telling stories,

Of creating characters.

But today I'm wishing

For a different sort of words.

The words not to escape to a place far away,

But to heal the one I live in today.

For the power,

Not to create,

But to care.

 

To remember those who've been forgotten;

To hear the ones who've been ignored.

To love them all when they are alone,

And to warm their hearts with the hearth-fire of my words.

But my words break,

They strain

And they crack.

When I need them most,

They rot and decay.

 

But still,

I make you this promise.

Even so,

I make you this vow.

Though my words may be weak, though I cannot say what I mean,

I care for you,

And I have hope and love to spare.

My heart is full;

I would that it were empty;

All the love drained,

So that you who hurt could feel it.

I would give away my own hope,

So that it could mend the chasms and cracks in your hearts.

 

If I could give you what I feel,

Send it out of my heart and into my fingers and onto a page,

If I could love you the way you don't you believe you deserve,

If I could be there for you when no one else is,

If I could show you how deeply I care.

 

But my words fall flat;

My hope stays in my heart.

Still,

I promise,

I swear,

I vow,

I make this oath:

I will love you, for always and forever, no matter what you say, no matter who you are, no matter what you believe or why you hurt or how you hurt or any of it. 

Me: Let me get my book.

ER Nurse: No personal items, sorry.

Me: It's Mistborn!

ER Nurse: That doesn't matter. 

Me: But... It's BRANDON SANDERSON! 

ER Nurse: Who?

Me: 

 

 

 

Also, I wrote a poem.  

 

TEARS

If your eyes

Are the window to the soul,

What are tears?

 

Raindrops,

Splashing against the glass?

Rolling down the window pane.

Collecting on the ground.

 

Rain is good.

It helps things grow.

Why are tears so bad?

Because we never stop

To think about

What grows from them.

 

When the rain falls,

We can be grateful.

It is washing the world.

When the tears fall,

They cleanse us,

Give us a new perspective,

Let us see without dirty windows.

 

They bring a beautiful,

Rain washed dawn.

They are a part of life.

An essential part.

 

We express ourselves,

Through our tears.

Whether those be happy tears,

Or sad tears.

 

The emotions have to come

Out somehow,

And so, God gave us tears.

A way to cleanse the spirit,

As well as the body.

 

 

~ Stick

 

 

Getting ready to go to my first Christmas party of the season, marry Christmas everyone   

 

Ok, I will be honest, this might be my favorite Profile photo yet. It looks so good

Give me the most random things ever to make a wallpaper or book cover for

All of these will be made by @OoklatheConfused and I this afternoon

I have now read the hunger games.

It was actually really good.

As many of you may have noticed.... I was not able to even visit the shard since Friday night. I'm really sorry!! But I do have a fair reason.....

I was in the ER.

I've been diagnosed with both pneumonia and a respiratory disease that has spread into my lungs.

Yep. Not great.

And now I've missed a day of school for the first time in 3 years. Perfect timing too- I've got 3 tests, 1 project, and 1 essay coming up. I also have a vocal chorus concert, a debate tournament, and a piano recital.

But I'm medically required to stay in bed and basically be force-fed liquids, fever-reducing medications, and antibiotics by my mother.

Also.

Last night the ER took so long.

I was there for more than 5 hours.

And the X-Ray took forever and the test results wouldn't show up for an hour.

Also I was so tired and every 15 minutes it was a new test or sample or someone checking my blood pressure or temperature again. It was insane.

But I'm resting.

And I'm alive!!

So I have to go through all the photos of dragonsteel, but here is all my loot

Stuff from the amazing Katie Payne

Steve Argyle

Howard Lyon

Wood side illustrations 

And everything else. Most of it from dragonsteel

 

Tell me what Sanderson character you relate to most and I'll tell you a Taylor Swift song to listen to.

(Please check my about me to make sure I've read the book your character's from)

Can we ask ourselves why Eddie and Wit are both Ookla the Believer with the same PFP? or is my computer just having a stroke?

ItS lEfSe DaY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH

writing a couple of dnd one-shots. I may or may not be taking y'all's usernames as names for the npcs