Silver Phantom

I am dying of laughter right now! My cat fell asleep across my lap and just started snoring! 

She is SO funny!

I've been waiting to say this for weeks:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, YOU AMERICANS!

Yes, I know it's not until tomorrow. No, I don't care.

Er... that's all, folks.

“And then he was gone; and then I was alone. Back to the way that things were…”

“And now I’m all alone again nowhere to turn no one to go to…”

“An ogre always stays in the dark and all alone”

“Isn’t it funny you believed that it was real…pretty funny.”

“Wherever he is wandering, alone upon the earth. Let all our singing follow him and bring him comfort.

“How do I tell him I wasn’t just okay? I was so much better. Something’s missing.”

“And the rest of the world falls away…the world falls away. The world falls away. And it’s only us.”

“There they sang of revolution…there it was they lit the flame…there they dreamed about tomorrow…and tomorrow never came…oh my friends my friends. Don’t ask me what my sacrifice was for…empty chairs at empty tables, where my friends will drink no more.”

“When your feet don’t touch the ground, you can’t feel the things that hurt…and it’s safe. In this place. Above the clouds.”

“All we see is sky, for forever we let the world pass by for forever…feels like we could go on for forever this way. Two friends on a perfect day.”

“Were you once an outcast too? God help the outcasts, hungry from birth. Show them the mercy they won’t find on earth.”

“There’s a kind of a sort of…cost. There’s a couple of things get…lost. There are bridges you’ve crossed you didn’t know you crossed until you’ve crossed…”

“Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?”

“Don’t wish, don’t start. Wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl. He loves her so…I’m not that girl.”

Musical theatre understands me

Sorry I've mostly vanished for the past few weeks lol. Things have been crazy.

Rant about problems kinda

I was rewatching ninjago, (don't judge okay! It's a good show and I have very good nostalgic memories of it and I wanted to see if it holds up(it does)) and I realized how awesome the costume design is. It's awesome enough just as it is in the show as just 2D patterns on the characters, but I started thinking about how it would look if it were actual people wearing the ninja outfits and they just look so freaking cool in my head and I need to draw them sometime. I also forgot how good that soundtrack is. 

Anyway, there's some words! Hope you all have a great day! 

I’m home now. I’m very happy to have met everyone I did at the convention, I feel that I belong with you all better than I do with my own family (except my brothers who have left on missions, one will be coming back in time for Dragonsteel next year!) Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone I met, and I’m sad to have left you (and the green land of Utah).

Okay! I have to go get ready for my party  I hope I win the costume contest, however unlikely.

HAMILTON FOREVER!!!!

ITS DONE. 

 

To literally everyone I've been talking to:

Sorry. The Panda is shutting down. She needs sleep. Please try again later.

Happy Thanksgiving you guys!

im so grateful for all of you and the love and support you offer everybody here. This is an incredible community, and I’m so lucky to be part of it. LOVE YOU GUYSSSSS!!!

I GOT CAST IN MY HIGHSCHOOL'S WINTER MUSICAL!!!

i have the opening line  

those auditions took so much energy out of me though. the choreography was rough.

I GOT CAST IN MY HIGHSCHOOL'S WINTER MUSICAL!!!

i have the opening line  

those auditions took so much energy out of me though. the choreography was rough.

Being sick sucks.

A lot.

It feels like I'm being stabbed repeatedly.

I GOT CAST IN MY HIGHSCHOOL'S WINTER MUSICAL!!!

i have the opening line  

those auditions took so much energy out of me though. the choreography was rough.

I shall protect those I hate. As long as it is just

 

I shall protect those I hate. As long as it is just

 

Again, I'm not sure that I know what a panic attack feels like. But, what I'm experiencing right now seems to check off a bunch of the symptoms. 

Guys. Guys. I can't I can't I can't why do I even exist anymore. 
I sound like I'm seeking attention oh goodness I'm so sorry. 

The people in Costco must have been terrified when they saw me sprinting down the aisle, two conditioner bottles under my arms like guns, my huge coat flaring behind me, while blasting Let It Go into my earbuds. 

It’s so fun being strange. 

I am in my ultimate happy place right now

I haven't read in literally forever. I'm debating whether I should attempt to binge something brando sando related........ I have all four of the fancy secret projects I can read, or I can read skyward flight..... this might not last long so uhhh gotta hurry-

Hey, this is an odd status update. This is just me kinda venting about something. If you want to read that part, go ahead after this little bit. If you don't, that's fine. I'll put the non-venting bit at the front, then the rest after that.

 

Neil Gaiman. Writer. 

He has an amazing voice. His voice is like opening up one of those movie copies of Lord of the Rings. Not one of those nice ones, not one of those tall ones. No, one of the small paperback ones with Frodo on the cover. His voice is like smelling one of those books, the cheap paper and ink and all... the smell of stories. Now, take that smell and the sound of logs crackling in a fire place... Then you have his voice. And then the way he talks about writing is so loving, so frank, so crystalline, so honest. Without having read one of his books, I think Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors merely for all the above. Oh, and because he sued his publisher. And because he looks like a combination of Tony Hale and Lin Manuel Miranda (two fun individuals.)

Now, last night, after listening to a few interviews with him in it because I love hearing his voice, I looked up an audio book narrated by him. His own book. I listened to the first little bit and had a few thoughts. "Wonderful voice" was one. "Wow, the description is phenomenal." Then "Mmmmm, good characterization." And then, "I wonder what happens next?"

Then I thought "Why the actual storms am I liking this horror novel that opens with a guy trying to kill a baby?"

So there's that...

Anyone have any suggestions for books of his that aren't horror and, preferably, don't have anything inappropriate in them? Such as sex scenes, nudity, inappropriate jokes (that's minor, though. I can live with a few "no, I won't let you look at my spheres, Sadeas" kinda things.), etc. 

I reeeeaaaaaly wanna read one of his books

 

 

Do y'all ever have things just keep showing up in your mind even though it's been like a year or so since it happened, since it all finished?

*sigh*

It's just so hard to forget something when it was you who defended someone, you who talked to them, you  who was their biggest ally. 

And then you find out that everyone was right about that someone and you were dead wrong.

It's been a good while since all the drama of it faded away. I still remember it crystal clear. That horrifying realization that I was so wrong about her. 

So storming wrong.

just ugh.

That experience did, however, teach me a lot about the fact that you just can't trust everyone. It's good to trust people you've known. It's good to trust friends and family.

Trusting someone who everyone says has done wrong things, even though they haven't done it in your presence...

I recommend doing your research a lot more. 

And, if someone asks you about an ongoing drama, please don't withhold information. Please don't be super cagey about what happened. People need to know about it. Don't just go on and on about the minutiae and little things, get to the point and add on those smaller things after. And don't argue with and bash on the person asking simply because their opinion on the events are different. They don't know the same things.

Simple as that.

So many mistakes have been made in regards to the person.

I regret every one of them.

I regret ever saying that I was her friend. I regret getting people to help me defend her. I regret it all so much. It three or four other instances have forever made my trust for people online evaporate like water in an oven (this doesn't really apply on here. Y'all have given me reasons to trust y'all and this really is not the same place as the rest of the internet. I trust a lot of you and dearly love you. This community is the most trustworthy area on the internet, I think.).

Don't accidentally trust pedophile stalkers, it turns out.

Not a good experience. Not good for your mental health directly after you find out the truth.

I love y'all on the Shard. This place is so much better than any other online platform I've been on. Please, please, please don't waste the fact that almost every person on here is great, that every single person has a good personality.

Anyways, I've rambled on for long enough. I gotta go do some school. Cya!

My friend who was working on biology just said : I'm a firm believer that leopards don't lay eggs!

What do y'all think?

I haven't read in literally forever. I'm debating whether I should attempt to binge something brando sando related........ I have all four of the fancy secret projects I can read, or I can read skyward flight..... this might not last long so uhhh gotta hurry-

I just wanted to point out something.

In order for a man to be my future husband, he has to beat or be equal to my best friend (my ‘mama’) and I. (Platonic duh) 

Let me spell it out for you. 
 

My best friend:

- Gives me her hoodies

- gives me her rings and bracelets 

- says good morning and goodnight to me everyday 

- says she loves me every day 

- holds my hand every day on the bus because im deprived of physical attention 

- has lots of cute nicknames for me (Princess, baby girl, sweetpea, etc)

- loves and cares about all the same people I do 

- didn’t exactly ask for me, but still took on the challenge of all my emotions, mental craziness, and much more 

- treats me like I’m just a little kid in a way that makes me feel small because I feel like I have to be grown up 24/7 and grew up too fast

- loves to read my writing and inspires it

- tells me when she needs to leave or go somewhere so I’m not left panicking 

- kisses me on my head when I need it

- holds me when I’m stressed

- she can just tell when I’m upset even though I’m really good at hiding it

- never yells or screams at me unexpectedly or unnecessarily

- thinks all my weird quirks are cute and lovable (There’s a list…)

-  helps me love myself

- tells me I’m beautiful even if I refuse to believe it

- laughs with me when I laugh, cries with me when I cry, is somehow always right beside me even when she isn’t there 

- understanding that I’m not perfect and feel like I have to be

- let’s me take care of her despite her grumbling

- shows her love to me by taking care of me and I show my love to her by trusting her and letting her

- struggles to allow someone to help  (due to trauma) but understands that I try

- understands all my fears (claustrophobia, fear of railroad tracks, fear of disappointment, fear of being alone, etc.)

- many many many more reasons why I love her so so much, to the moon and back, to pieces, times a million, and more than she could ever know 

My future husband better use my best friend as a ROLE MODEL because I do not know how I stumbled across her two years ago. I truly feel like God brought her to me for this time if my life to be this person. I am terrified for my senior year because she will be gone to college, but I know God has a plan. I know there is a reason we happened upon each other and immediately clicked. We didn’t exactly ask to find each other, we didn’t go looking, but we did somehow, by the miracle of God, find each other. She has been such a blessing in my life and I needed to tell someone that. Thank you.

 

I’m home from school sick today (don’t worry, I’ll be better by Dragonsteel OR ELSE) and it’s pouring rain outside.

So, naturally, I made a cup of herbal tea and sat on the porch listening to musical-theatrey songs about rain, including It’s Raining on Prom Night, A Little Fall of Rain, and Dancing in the Rain. Recommendations are being tearfully and gratefully accepted.

How are you all?

Hey, i was just checking in. I know you were struggling a couple days ago when I posted about how hard I was having and was just wondering how you are doing