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Just-A-Stick

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Just-A-Stick last won the day on August 4

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About Just-A-Stick

  • Birthday January 22

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  • Member Title
    I'm Panda's gorgeous dirt princess!! ^^
  • Pronouns
    she/her
  • Location
    With @SmilingPanda19 and @Part of The Narative in our Walmart dumpster
  • Interests
    I love books, books, books, Brandon Sanderson books, God, asking questions, my cats, my family, my friends, my house, buying expensive Stormlight Archive t shirts from Etsy, writing my own stories with my writing group ( aka my three best friends and me) making valiant attempts at writing romance, writing "juicy" scenes, avidly hating math, being socially awkward, drawing, memes, nightblood, singing songs from various musicals (HAMILTON! LES MIS!!! IN THE HEIGHTS! NEWSIES! THE GREATEST SHOWMAN!!) and movies, country music, gardening, animals, foreign cultures, the beach, the mountains, geeking out with my friends about all kinds of junk, eating gummy bears, exercising. POETRY! PHOTOGRAPHY!! PHILOSOPHY!! QUESTIONS!! ECONOMICS!! DEBATE! cOnSpIrAcY!!!!! oh, and did I mention reading? ( This is NOT in order of importance)

    *AHAHAHAHAHAHA* ~Hermes at all times

    IF YOU READ THIS YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!!!
    :DDD

    Quotes formerly in "Contact Methods":

    I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory; this is where it gets me, on my feet, the enemy ahead of me, if this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me, weapon in my hand, a command, and my men with me. ~ Hamilton

    I don't think that anyone gets it So I don't wanna tell anybody what really goin' on in my head I just wanna be alone and listen to the music and let it tell me the way I need to feel So I don't think I'm defective ~ Hurt Myself, Ekoh

    I need a break from my brain From the doubt, from the stress, from the pain This anxiety is killing me and keeping me awake I need a break from my temper It's exhausting to live with the anger It weighs me down and it holds me back ~ Take Me Away, New Medicine


    I see you Crying in a gown that's blue Screaming through a breathing tube "How'd I get to this place?" I see you Wondering how you came unglued Feeling like your whole life's screwed "Who could love me this way?" ~ ICU, Citizen Soldier

    All my life I had to keep fighting And I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying Head like a stone, heart like a lion I'm a prove 'em wrong or I'm a die trying ~ Die Trying, New Medicine

    Used to pull down my sleeves Used to put makeup on So everyone would think I'm fine and nothing's wrong I buried all the pain, used to feel so ashamed Of all the things I wrote about myself with razor blades ~ Tattoos Citizen, Soldier


    Broken legs, but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion ~ Mansion, NF

    THIS IS SO LONG WTC

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  1. Just-A-Stick

    My poetry with @Part Of The Narrative (she told me I have to mention her in all SUs from here on out.)

     

    Okay

    Spoiler

    Okay

     
    I am not okay.
    I have tried so hard
    To be okay.
     
    For my family.
    For my friends.
    For the people who need me.
     
    But no more.
    I don’t have
    To be okay.
     
    I will heal.
    One day, I will be
    Okay.
     
    But that is not today.
    That might not be tomorrow.
    Or next week.
     
    I admit it.
    I’m not “fine”
    I’m not “good”
    I am broken
    But
    In the process
    Of healing.
     
    I am
    Perfectly
    Imperfect.
     
    That is okay,
    Even if
    I’m not.
     
    And that is okay.
    I’ll get there,
    One day.
     
    One day,
    I will
    Finally
    Be
    Okay.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Save Me

    Spoiler

    Save me

     
    I stretch
    Out
    My arms
    And you
    Save
    Me.
     
    You save me.
     
    I don’t deserve
    To be
    Saved.
     
    But you
    You do it
    Anyway.
     
    You died for me.
    You bled and died for me
    For me
     
    How can I not
    Love who you
    Saved?
    Who you died for?
     
    It is a
    Decision.
     
    I decided
    Years ago
    To hate myself.
     
    And so I have.
     
    I have hated
    This beautiful,
    Scarred creature
    You call
    Your Daughter.
     
    No More.
     
    I am Strong
    I am Beautiful
    I am a Warrior
     
    I am Loved
    By myself.
     
    You saved me,
    So I am choosing
    Right here,
    Right now.
     
    I love myself.
    I love how You made me.
    I am Your handiwork.
    There is nothing wrong with me.
    I was made
    Exactly how I You chose.
     
    I am free
     
    Because you
     
    Saved me.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Where My Thoughts Go

    Spoiler

    Where my thoughts go

     
     
     
     
    I want to go out
    And lay on the snow
    I want to forget I ever
    Learned to breathe
     
    I want to freeze
    All alone in the cold
    I want to die
    I want to fade away with no more pain
    I want to feel
    My body
    Slowly freezing
    Stiff
    And
    Cold
    And
    Dead
     
    It’s hard to laugh
    When you’re crying.
     
    It’s hard to react
    When you’re empty.
     
    It’s hard to feel safe
    When you’re scared.
     
    It’s hard to have hope
    When you’re hopeless.
     
    It’s hard to love
    With no pain.
     
    It’s hard to fly
    Without wings.
     
    It’s hard to pray
    Without words.
     
    It’s hard to think
    When you’re emotionless.
     
    It’s hard to hold
    When you’re breaking.
     
     
    The scars don’t define me
    The pain doesn’t define me
    My stupid brain doesn’t define me
     
    I want to die
    Without my thoughts
    Spiraling out of control
     
    I want peace
    I want nothingness
    I want to fade away
     
    I don’t want to exist
    I don’t want the feelings
    And emotions of something alive
     
    I want to know why
    My brain spirals
    Why it always
    Ends up in the
    Abyss
     
    I want to know why
    I can’t just be normal
    I can’t just stop shaking
    I can’t just stop crying
     
    I want to know why
    I’m a mess
    Why I hate myself
    Why I can’t trust
    Anyone
     
    I want to know why
    Your arms are out of reach
    I want to know
    The answers to my questions
    The pathway to my heart
    Around and through
    My walls
     
    Getting to my heart is a maze
    It feels
    Impossible
     
    I can’t feel the arms
    I can’t feel the pain
    The love
    Any of it
    I am numb
    I asked for this
    I made myself this way
    I deserve this
     
    I am
    A
    Numb
    Shadow
    Of
    Who
    I
    Once
    Was
     
    The lonely mist
    Surrounds me
    I can’t see
    I can’t breathe
    I can’t feel
    I can’t even scream
    Would I even want to?
     
    I’m scared
    Scared of change
    Scared of abandonment
    Scared of the shadow
    That I have become.
     
    Scared that I will never
    Be what I should be
    For everyone.
     
    This is where my mind goes.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Blanket

    Spoiler

    Blanket

     
    Every time
    I go to the blanket
    Whenever I’m stressed
    I’m lonely
    I’m crying
    I hate myself
    I flee to my blanket
     
    I hide with my blanket
    It holds me
    When my friends
    Cannot
     
    Sometimes
    I go under the blanket
    Alone in the dark
    I cry
    I scream
    I claw at my skin
    I hate this thing
    Trapped in
     
    The air
    Isn’t under the blanket
    And I’m glad
    I don’t want the air
    Breathing is too hard
    It’s easier not to
     
    I wrap myself in this blanket
    I hide from the
    Cruel
    Cold
    World
     
    I have many blankets
    I have named them all
    All are suffocating
    In there own way
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Depression
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Anxiety
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Self- harm
     
    I have a blanket
    Named
    Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Stress
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Suicidal
     
    I have a blanket
    Named Empty
     
    I sometimes hide under
    All my blanket-
    The emotional ones
    And the physical one.
     
    The good things
    Feel like
    Mist
    Instead of
    Blankets
     
    Not very easy to feel
    Especially
    Through
    My
    Blankets
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     

    Hiding

    Spoiler

    Hiding

     
    This is my instinct
    In a bad
    Situation
    I have to hide
    No body wants to see
    Me
    So I hide
     
    I feel safe
    When I hide
     
    I feel lonely
    When I hide
     
    And yet
    I keep
    Going
    Back
    To
    My
    Hiding
     
    I press against the wall
    Smash myself into the corner
    On the floor
     
    “Go unnoticed.”
    “Make yourself small.”
    “Put up your hood.”
    “Nobody wants to see you.”
     
    I have to hide
    Right?
     
    This is normal
    Right?
     
    I talk to the voices
    The people who aren’t there
     
    I hold the
    Invisible hand
    But it feels real
    I can feel it
    But no one
    Else
    Can
     
    I’m not normal
    So
    I
    Hide
     
    I hide
     
    I hide
    Because
    I have
    To
    Hide
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24

    Weakness

    Spoiler

    Weakness

     
     
    Weakness
    Vulnerability
     
    I have learned
    That without weakness
    I can never
    Be
    Strong.
     
    I need to be vulnerable
    Or nothing
    Feels
    Real.
     
    It is hard!
    There is a chance
    That you will get hurt.
    But which is worse?
    The numbness?
    Or the pain?
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Healing
    Without
    Pain.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Strength
    Without
    Weakness.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Joy
    Without
    Sadness.
     
    Look behind you.
    Look at the journey.
    Look how far we’ve come!
     
    He has been here
    For all of it.
     
    He has been guiding
    You
    Me
    All
    Of
    Us
    In his
    Own
    Special
    Way.
     
    Think very
    Very
    Hard.
     
    Open your heart.
     
    Can you feel him?
    In your moment of weakness?
    Can you feel
    His hand
    On your shoulder?
    Guiding you?
    Keeping you
    Close to
    Him?
     
    He is here
    Right now
    When you can hardly
    Breathe
    When the emptiness
    Tries to
    Eat you
    Alive
    When you
    Are lonely
    When pain is all you feel
    Give it to Him
    He already felt it all
    On a very
    Special
    Tree
    All those
    Tears
    Ago.
     
    He knows.
    He cares.
    He will take
    Your pain
    Your scars
    Your shame
    Your wounds
     
    All you have to do
    Is show
    Your
    Weakness.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Those Nights

    Spoiler

    Weakness

     
     
    Weakness
    Vulnerability
     
    I have learned
    That without weakness
    I can never
    Be
    Strong.
     
    I need to be vulnerable
    Or nothing
    Feels
    Real.
     
    It is hard!
    There is a chance
    That you will get hurt.
    But which is worse?
    The numbness?
    Or the pain?
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Healing
    Without
    Pain.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Strength
    Without
    Weakness.
     
    You cannot
    Have
    Joy
    Without
    Sadness.
     
    Look behind you.
    Look at the journey.
    Look how far we’ve come!
     
    He has been here
    For all of it.
     
    He has been guiding
    You
    Me
    All
    Of
    Us
    In his
    Own
    Special
    Way.
     
    Think very
    Very
    Hard.
     
    Open your heart.
     
    Can you feel him?
    In your moment of weakness?
    Can you feel
    His hand
    On your shoulder?
    Guiding you?
    Keeping you
    Close to
    Him?
     
    He is here
    Right now
    When you can hardly
    Breathe
    When the emptiness
    Tries to
    Eat you
    Alive
    When you
    Are lonely
    When pain is all you feel
    Give it to Him
    He already felt it all
    On a very
    Special
    Tree
    All those
    Tears
    Ago.
     
    He knows.
    He cares.
    He will take
    Your pain
    Your scars
    Your shame
    Your wounds
     
    All you have to do
    Is show
    Your
    Weakness.
     
    ~ Stick 1-19-24
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    In other news... I tried Toblerone for the first time the other day and it's really good! :P 

     

    ( @Shardwatcher01)

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Faerie Braids

      Faerie Braids

      Sorry if I am intruding on something personal, but I just want to say that these poems are beautiful. I cried when reading some of these, because I knew the feelings contained in them so well. I guess I want to say...thank you? I feel less alone for having read these, and I want you to know that you are not alone either. I am here for you. We all are. 

       

       

    3. Just-A-Stick

      Just-A-Stick

      @Faerie Braids

      No, not at all!

      *all the hugs*

      I'm glad you like them.

      And, you're very welcome. 

      I'm glad that my writing helps/mends others.

      It's my greatest joy as an artist/writer to hear that my work is having an impact.

      I love ALL of you, and I don't know where I would be without all you wonderful people.

      I am glad that I'm not alone and that everyone is here for everyone.

      Thank you again, and... weelll... wanna be my shardbuddie? :P 

    4. Faerie Braids

      Faerie Braids

      I would love to be shardbuddies!

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