Just-A-Stick
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Back to back SUs, read the previous poem to understand this.
SpoilerAnd as the last brick in the wall that is your secure and safe life falls and breaks, you are left, sick and alone, hardly able to even focus your eyes, wondering what you did wrong.
People are like fine pottery. You hold them close, trying to protect them. But the tighter you hold them, the sooner they shatter and you are left with nothing but the broken pieces of what once was beautiful.
You knew this was coming, didn’t you? You told them… you said what you thought was coming, and they denied it. Again and again, they denied it, until, maybe you started to believe them. But, here you are, grasping the sharp edges, even as they cut you, saying to yourself; “We were right all along. We know it would happen. It’s only ever a matter of time.”
The distance is great. You sit next to them, but feel miles apart. You make eye contact and wonder who they really are… or were. It’s all so complicated. You don’t know the next step. Is there even one? Any way to fix your broken pottery? Will the cracks show when it’s fixed? You don’t know if anything will ever be the same again.
“We just need space.” You and them need space. That’s what they said. That’s what needs to happen now. You don’t know if you can even speak up anymore. Is there a point if their decision is made? You don’t know what will come of all this. You feel lost and broken, bleeding and hurt. Is there a way out?
We recognize this place… the place where it all started. We went home from this place and tried to stop breathing. We know exactly where we sat, exactly what happened before… and after. We hid under all those suffocating blankets and tried to leave, to no avail. We couldn’t. They… they saved us. Was it really so long ago? We were so close, so… but not anymore. Something happened… we still don’t understand what. We don’t understand how. Or why. But it happened. There is no return now.
You really messed up. You wrote them a poem, trying to tell them, explain what you feel. Felt? It backfired. The poem was exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. You messed it up and now you’re paying for it. Are they really that far away? What’s happening? You’re so confused. What did you do wrong? You were too clingy. You held on too tight. And so they broke. They had such sharp edges… they cut you. They hurt you. You’re going to have scars now. They might never heal. You’re marked now because you chose to trust. Chose to try. Now look where you are. And you deserve every bit of the pain.
~Stick
4-22-24
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*hugs* I love you so much Sticky. And I know that doesn’t make it any better, and I know that no matter how many words I try to give you, no matter how eloquent they may be, they can’t possibly make you understand all that I feel. They can’t make it all right, and they can’t make you believe it’ll be all right. In the heat of emotion there is no way to create any sort of peace. So…I won’t say it’ll be ok. And I won’t diminish your pain by trying to say I’ve been there, except to acknowledge that I know there are no words for the pain. But I love you, and if you ever want anything, I’m here, even if I’m not the best at talking or helping or any of it <33
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