Just-A-Stick

The fact that she can't see me to know how to talk to me is what she says.

Ohhh Okay, she likes to help/talk to me when i'm not okay mentally... she's one of my main support people... does that make more sense?

Sorry, what? I just got confused... T-T

Yeah... kinda?

It happened last night, and we've spoken, but it feels forced and/or strained to me. Maybe I'm just imagining it...

Yeah, I know... I may not understand, but I know you love me.

I need advice on a close platonic relationship between one of my gal friends and me. She is one of my favorite people in the world, and we get along really well, but last night... I know it's my fault, and i know I shouldn't do that to her, but... alkjksahkjangkdjafg- Lemme start over. When I call her, and I'm not exactly... okay mentally, I often won't point the phone camera at my face, and I won't often answer her questions directly. I know that she hates it when I do that, but, when I'm not okay, my insecurities make it so that I never want to be un-fine or un-okay in front of anyone. Even the people I'm very close with. So I hide and don't let her see me, that way I can feel safe. She has told me how much she hates it, and how much it pisses her off. I know this. So, we were talking last night, and it was fine, and normal and whatever, then she said something like "Imagine when you're trying to help a friend and she just won't even look at you?" very directed at me. Then, she turned her camera to the wall and sat there. I said something like "Can you please turn your camera back?" and she said, mocking my voice when I'm upset and can't answer her questions, "I don't know." And didn't move it. I asked her again, nicely, and all she said was "Imagine having to stare at the wall, or how about the ceiling? Is that more interesting?" She then turned the screen directly up, so that the only thing I could see was her ceiling. I was really trying hard not to cry at this point, and I felt stupid/still do feel stupid for feeling like that, cause it's my fault anyway, but we were both just silent for a long, long time, then I just randomly hung up, trying to get myself under control. I waited for about a minute, then called her back, and when she picked up, I was staring at the wall again. She eventually turned the camera back on her face but things were quiet and strained between us until I had to go to bed. I talked to her today too, and things still feel weird between us, and it/s extremely concerning, cause I'm having a hard time right now with everything, and I really love her, and want to stay close with her, but I'm not sure how to apologize or if I even should or what... Please help me... I need to get her back, and I'm really scared that she'd mad at me, and won't want me to be her friend anymore... uhmmm.... yeah, there you go...

She opened their link and sent him all her happiness at being with him, carefully hiding her worry about what was to come. I love you...

She followed him closely.

"Okay, you know the way?" She asked, content to walk with him and worry later.

"Yes, I trust you..."

"But... what if it's not?" She whispered, still worried.

She sensed his apprehensiveness in the slight tightening of his arm, which was still around her waist. "Didn't you just tell me that it'll be fine?" She asked, anxiety showing in her voice slightly.

"Good." She said, still smiling at him.

@InfiniteInsanity

True...

She laughed, leaning into him. "I'm sure that'll help."

IK! T-T

IT IS!!! AND SHE'S EVEN READ SOME OF HIS BOOKS TOO!! T-T

"dealt with" is a strong term, but I'll let it slide/j

"Okay, that seems like it could work..." She stood with him, unable to stop smiling.

OMG MY MOM DOES THIS ALL THE TIME!!!

"I think we probably should... soon at least... not sure how I'm supposed to walk after that!" She grinned at him, eyes twinkling.