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6 words for today:
Henna: My beautiful way to hide.
I've been getting into henna again, my mom is still WAY better at it than me, but I'm learning and I'm ridiculously proud of what I did do.
Spoiler for pics
SpoilerSo, here is the side views, the henna paste is on and it's pretty thick ^
Top view ^
Other side ^
Added fingertips!!! ^
Full on top view with fingertips ^
2nd day, paste washed off. ^
It'll keep getting darker for a lil while, then it'll stay, then it'll fade.
If I'm careful, it could last 1-2 weeks
And, Just for the heck of it, MY ENTIRE ARM!!!!! THIS TOOK AN HOUR AND I'M SO PROUD OF IT!!!
I USED THE REST OF THE HENNA CONE!!!
So anyway, that was really really fun, and I'm going to get more henna and keep practicing!!
For those of you who would like to try this, I got the henna paste off of Amazon, and found a few YouTube tutorials about beginner designs and such. Pinterest also has some great stuff.
It's fairly easy, but it does take practice. I like to trace my hand on a piece of paper, then put the henna on the paper to practice before I do it on my skin. It's an amazing art form, and I'll probably do some symbols from some different books and such at some point
Anyway... I have so much schoolwork to do before tomorrow... even though I just want to procrastinate and go outside cause it's freaking 66 degrees!!! (F)
*sigh*
I hate decisions....
Anyway!
Love you all!
Have a good day/rest of your day!!!
My PMs are open!!!
*hugs*
~ Stick
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Oh! Hey guys!
I'm so tired I can hardly think straight, and have a bunch of homework to do before tomorrow, tomorrow's school, and then all my stuff that's due on Tuesday...
Here is the reason I didn't sleep, if you care to know
SpoilerSo, it's kinda complicated, but on Friday night, I had a very vivid dream, and, like most of my dreams, people who I love and care about more than anything, died, and they were either in my arms, or it was my fault, or both. Anyway, that dream was a car-plunging-over-the-cliff-with-my-best-friends-inside kind of dream, and my mom was driving. What caused us to go over this cliff in the first place, was me distracting her by telling her that I forgot all my meds, and that we needed to go back for them.
Fast forward to the end of the (very awful) dream where I wake up on Saturday morning at 5:30, crying and freaking out. I was eventually able to calm myself down and pack everything for my sleepover at Veil's house. I (having never been to her house before), as you might be able to imagine, had a lot of anxiety about going. I was thinking about a lot of stuff, and accidently forgot my meds, (it's also worth noting that I didn't take my morning dose that morning either) like in my dreams.
In order for you to understand what this means for the rest of this, here is some additional info
SpoilerSo, I currently take 4 meds.
1 that is for sleep and to take away my psychosis (important!!) that I take at night
1 that is for my anxiety and ADHD hat I also take at night
then in the morning I take an antidepressant and a focus stimulant drug.
So, without any of these, i can't sleep, can't focus, and tend to have panic/anxiety attacks from my psychosis.
(aka, ima literal emotional and physical wreck!!)
So, I found out that I forgot my meds when it was already too late to go get them, and I figured that I'd be fine and to just do without them from about 9:00 AM on Saturday to 2:00 PM on Sunday.
I'll say this. That is a HORRIBLE idea!! Don't do that!!!!
So, I was expecting some mild stuff (I.E. some bouncing, attention issues, mild anxiety, and some little indecipherable whispers of little voices in the back of my mind), right?
Well, what I got, was:
Anxiety: Borderline panic for almost no reason, not being able to eat, and shaking uncontrollably
ADHD: bouncing, unable to really focus, feeling really jittery, and forgetting/not being able to process things.
Depression: Not too much,(thank God) I just felt a lil sad/lonely
Psychosis: REALLY BAD!! I'm talking color changing hats, shadows, vision-like things of bloody things and unimaginable horror (visual), screaming, creepy animal noises, gunfire, artillery, people who I could recognize screaming/yelling at me to save them, crying people, gurgling sounds (blood probably), as well as thumping and footsteps and all kinds of other things that you don't want to hear at night when your anxiety level is already through the roof (auditory) and things crawling on me, at one point a snake wrapping around my left leg, feeling like I'm drowning, like my chest and lungs were being squeezed so I couldn't breathe, and a few more (physical) then there were some miscellaneous things, like smelling/tasting/choking on blood and mud and other things.
All these things came and went a l l n i g h t l o n g!!
I was mostly in a constant state of panic and not being able to breathe. Veil, bless her heart, let me "sleep" with her (lay awake trying to calm down more like), and she stayed up for hours helping me, holding me close, and helping me decipher reality from hallucinations.
Guys, she is my bestie, and I love her so much. I... she just helps me so much and seems to intuitively know what I need. I just needed to tell someone that.
If she reads this, Veil, thank you. I love you so much.
Anyway, this went on all night, and I think I fell asleep for a lil while around 5:30 this morning (Sunday) then there was the whole 'I've never been to her church before' freakout that lasted most of church... not my most restful weekend ever.
I'm finally home, and doing better.
Thanks for reading and caring if you did
But, I got to watch In The Heights with Veil and it was great!!!!
I think it should have been rated a bit more mature than PG-13, but that's my opinion.
I made a new Spotify playlist (I'm Just-A-Stick on there too ) of all my nostalgic songs that I used to listen to in 1st and 2nd grade... they've carried me through some hard times, and I hope that they can do the same for you, if you would so choose to find it. It's called "My Memories"
Anywayyyy
I love you all so much!
Stay safe, stay here, reach out if you need a n y t h i n g at all.
My PMs are open.
~ Stick
- Show previous comments 6 more
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PG-13 is a range.
I've seen both sides of that range...
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@Edema Rue~ Thank you... wove you tooooo
@Kajsa~ Yeah, okay, thank you <333
@Part Of The Narrative~ Love you tooooo Veil
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