Part Of The Narrative

Safe

 

Home

Blankets

Friends

Jesus

 

Safe

 

You won’t be ,

You think.

You can’t be.

 

You’re wrong.

 

You will be

It might be gradual

Slow

You might not notice a change at first

You might be driving home

You might realize your sweatshirt sleeve isn’t as chewed as normal

You might go to church

You might find out that worship doesn’t hurt as much as it used to

 

Safe

 

I can’t make you safe

I wish I could

But you and both know

There’s only one person who can do that

You know who

 

Safe

 

I wish I could help

Wrap you up in me and a blanket

Hold you

Tight

So you would feel

Safe

 

I can, one day

Not too far away

It won’t be just me either

It’ll be Love

It’ll be joy

 

Jesus

 

Safe

 

With you

With me

With him

 

Safe

Eternally.

 

 

Hard

Scary

Awful

Terrifying

 

It will be

 

Empty

Numb

Cracked

Painful

 

It will be

 

Fear inducing

Destructive seeming

Easy to break

 

It will be

 

That’s healing

 

That’s what he wants

 

It’s what I want

 

Fire

Hammers

Sifting

Burning

 

It will be

 

Tempering

Cooling

Refining

 

It will be

 

That’s what you are

That’s what you’ve become

 

It’s not easy

If it was, it would destroy the purpose

It’s not fun

If it was, it’d be pointless

 

It’s

What

Needs

To

Happen

 

And eventually

 

Held

Safe

Laughing

Crying

Emotions

Fleeting

Hold on

You can do it

You’re strong

 

Unbreakable

Daughter of Christ

Free

Strong

Been there

Done that

 

Fearless

Beautiful

Clean

You’ve done that too

 

You will be

 

You are

 

Perfectly

Imperfect

The way

God

Designed

You

 

Maybe

Hard to believe

Sometimes

Hard to breathe

Always

Have to think

To find the words

 

Loved

 

Found it.

 

You can do it

 

1

2

3

 

Count

The breaths

They help

They heal

They’re hard

 

It’s hard

To find breath

Sometimes

I can see

I’m trying to understand

 

1

2

3

 

I know

The world is ending

The pain

Has faded to numbness

A weight

On your heart

Breathing is adding to it

It’s annoying

Cumbersome

You wonder

Would it really be so bad

To just

Stop

 

I

Don’t

Know

 

Don’t think about it

Don’t

Give it

That kind of

Power

Mechanical

It can’t be that complicated

Maybe it is

But you

Can

Do

It

 

Please

 

Keep

 

Breathing

 

 

The things

I’d do

For you

If I could

 

Take your pain

Your fear

Put it on me

Instead of you

 

Your situation

Your circumstances

Your life

If I could

I would change it

 

You know this, right?

 

I would trade

My life

For yours

If

I

Only

Could

 

Wait.

 

Someone…

 

He already did that

 

…didn’t he?

 

Took the pain

The fear

The life

Died

For you

So

You

Could

Live

 

Not just you, either

Me

My family

Yours

 

“And what a sorry

Miserable

Waste

My life is

In light of what he did”

 

THAT

My friend

Is called

A lie

 

A voice

A whisper

A tremble

Worms it’s way in

Takes over the thoughts

Controls the mind

 

Don’t listen.

 

I would take

Those bullets for you

Hear those voices

If

I

Could

 

But

 

I

Don’t

Need

To

 

He

Already

Did.

 

It’s time

Don’t you think so?

Time to just

Wait

 

Open your arms

Let down your guards

Take off the mask

That covers your pain

 

Your feelings

Your fear

Your numbness

 

Give it up

 

Trust

 

What a funny word

A strange concept

After all that’s been done

Why would you want to trust?

 

How could anything

Ever

Be ok again?

 

I have to.

I have to keep going

My responsibilities…

The people I call friends…

They tell me they would crack without me

So I must

Keep going

No

 

Let

Go

 

Trust

Not in me

In Him

 

Yes, it’s hard

Painful

 

But

Try

 

That’s

All

We

Can really

Do

 

Wait

Through

The numbness

Wait

 

Trust

 

Broken

Shattered

Unfixable

Unwanted

Hopeless

 

These are the words

We tell ourselves

Day after day

Speaking into ourselves

Lies

But they’re real

To us

In those moments

 

We’re wounded

Raw scrapes

Cuts

Slashes

Tearing into our souls

Ripping apart the fragile walls we’ve built

 

Fake smiles

Everything’s fine

Normal

 

But then we’re crying on the floor of our rooms

Because it’s not fine

It might be normal at this point

But it’s not fine

 

These wounds

Go deeper

They don’t heal

They become scars

But they don’t heal

 

They break us from the inside

People say

Scars are a testament

To strength

But hearts can break

And we can pretend

They’re healed

That they don’t need attention

We can ignore them

Don’t face them

 

Curled up in winter

The tears are gone now

We’re too exhausted to cry

Because we stopped feeling a long time ago

We’re numb

It’s better like that

We can’t feel pain

The pain

Of that person we lost

Of that hope that was crushed

 

On our knees

Tearing ourselves apart

It’s in these moments

We look up

Desperate

And see open arms

 

Healing

 

A strange word

A contradiction at the beginning

An anomaly

 

Becoming less foreign

Seeming like a possibility

Wounds healing for real

Becoming healthy scars

Permanent

But strong

 

We can see the same ones

Etched into the people around us

Written in their eyes

Engraved into their actions

Stapled to their hearts

And we remember

 

Remember how it felt

No hope

Darkness

Afraid

Nowhere to go

 

When we remember

We reach over

And we take their hand

The person looks up

As we did

And they see the same open arms

 

They’re crying

We’re crying

We’re shivering

We’re breaking all over again

For this person

We’re praying

We’re loving

 

We’re living

 

That’s life