FeatherWriter fanfic fan club :)

[Quiver he/him]

Thanks for posting in-between; I was worrying I'd end up double posting. I liked the Renarin piece, but I'm probably going to end up hijacking this thread with my bias as I go on, so I thought you should get the warning.

Speaking of warnings, here's my response on Bells. One of the things I dislike about fan fiction is the use of established characters. I realise it's an insane bias, since the reason I like a book is because of the characters, rather than in spite of them. But whenever I read something, I can't help but think the character is a little off- which they are. If two people read a book, they can get different interpretations of the same man. If I followed Brandon's notes correctly, he had a similar issue finishing the Wheel of Time, where his Mat was different from Jordan's.

The fact Bell's is set in an alternate universe helped alleviate some of that disconnect. It's Kaladin is different from the Kaladin of Bridge 4, but there's the basic nature of him as an honourable man who protects people is still there, buried. The Shallan cameo was a neat touch, and since she is one of my favourite characters I appreciated her appearance. Again, I liked the ending, echoing the idea that, whatever universe he exists in, Kal plays a role in opposing the desolations.

I'm sorry to not be providing criticism beyond saying I like it, but that's because I do like it. Where Renarin's POV struck me as very GRRM, this one seemed closer to Brandon's style of POV shots.

EDIT: Training session proves both my points, actually. As far as character interpretations go, I almost Kaladin to be more unapproving of Adolin from the outset. In ASOIAF, characters can seem completely different from one point of view to another(I'm avoiding spoilers, but I'm thinking CoK and ASoS specifically). In Brandon's books, I tend to see that, while characters view one another differently, there is more consistency in their overall presentation. So, despite's Kal's dislike of him in WoK (and here), Adolin generally comes across as noble.

And am I the only one surprised that, for once, it's Renarin with the pretty young girl with him?

DOUBLE EDIT: I've just started A Strange Mix of Both. I'll probably wait until there's another intervening post, then edit my response chapter-by-chapter onto it.

Edited December 20, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I will say this, I have not read GRRM's stuff, so I'm not sure how accurate your assesment is. Fret not about upsetting me with talk like this though, I LOVE hearing feedback about my stuff! And... now I will probably talk your ear off for a bit.

 

There is definitely a different narrative style for the Renarin fic than there is for the others. That one was a quick, slapped together thing, and it was meant to read in a very stream-of-consciousness style. We'd already seen this scene in the actual books, and what I was changing was putting the reader in Renarin's head. Therefore, I tried to emphasize that a lot more with that kind of present-tense, flashback heavy, strange syntax style. Emphasis is heavy on his reactions, emotions and thoughts, less so on the actual scene around him. There is almost nothing objective at all in it.

 

(Also, an aside re: present tense. I've been trying to write my secret santa fic for this year and it has come to my attention that Sydney Scroungers has absolutely destroyed my ability to naturally write in past tense. It only takes a few paragraphs before I slip back into present and then have to grumble and go back and fix everything. I'd think about giving up and just writing it in present, but Brandon always does past and I want to mimic that for a fic like this.)

 

With ASMoB and the two Kaladin shorts I definitely tried to emulate Brandon's style more than I did with Renarin's fic. They're in past tense, and the extent of introspection is a lot more in line with what we see from Brandon's viewpoints. ASMoB and A Training Session are both meant to be in-universe, while Beneath The Bells is a divergent AU, of course. I'm sure as soon as Words of Radiance comes out, the other two will have a lot of canon conflicts, but I don't care. 

 

And... I'm sure once you've started reading A Strange Mix Of Both, you'll realize why Renarin's the one with a pretty young girl with him. (Shippers gotta ship!)

[Quiver he/him]

I always like hearing creative types talk about their work. It's one of the big advantages of being a Sanderfan, really.

Anyway, I just finished the first chapter, so I'll get into the commenting.

Sapphire Broams

Shallan is my favourite character in the Way of Kings, but she's also the one I understand the least. Her chapter's are always so laden with secrets- stealing the Soulcaster, hiding the Shardblade, seeing the Cryptics- that any Shallan who isn't somewhat furtive seems a little odd. Similarly, I expected some of Shallans' jokes. At the same time, both those aspects of her character are to conceal things about her, and I think the WoK ending, to some extent, has 'broken' her from that.

At first I found Shallan in Broams a bit more aimless than I'm used to. Even her first chapter had her with a clear objective of finding Jasnah. Here, it's less clear, which I'm guessing is because of the break from canon, and the fact that the romance is the objective of the fiction. Still, the ending, when her brain was whispering about the Blade and she had a goal felt more familiar to me.

I also liked Renarin. There isn't much else to say on that front. I'm not sure if I like him because of him, or because I'm fascinated by the social mores of Roshar, but that was something I felt in the WoK itself too, so points for accuracy.

Lines and Arches

I like the title. It made me think the Cryptics were going to make an appearance.

This is what I meant by the social aspect of Roshar. Reading is something which, as a literate society, we all take for granted. The wonder Renarin has that a group of nonsense scribbles have meaning is great to read. In fact, I enjoyed that whole middle section because of that.

Romance, and particularly shipping, isn't something I enjoy. Whenever characters begin blushing after contact, I lose a little interest. Honestly, I dislike most of Brandon's romances as well, the exception being Sori and Susebron- who also have the 'learning to read' thing going for them.

Like Shallan, I sometimes find Renarin a little hard to understand in the novel- it's been a while since I read it, but I remember a feeling of distance from him. Most everything he does in the novel is for someone else, so seeing him do something selfishly is interesting.

(Sorry for the intermittent book discussion. I've been thinking of doing a forum reread of some Cosmere books, so I'm trying to think "deep". I'll edit in the rest of my reactions as I read them.)

Keeping A Pet Skyeel

There's the secretive witty Shallan I remember. Her bouncing off Adolin is something I'm looking forward to in WoR. I liked the attention to details, like Shallans' (unnecessary?) cover story, or the woman reading the numbers. It may be a sign of my prejudices that this is my favourite chapter so far, since it plays more to comedy than romance. I did find the chapter slightly short though; it was focused on the meeting with Adolin, but it ends too quickly afterwards I think. I haven't compared word counts with the previous chapters, but it felt like I was getting into it right when it ended.

A Smile to Calm A Highstorm

Rejoice, for I finally have something of significance to say. There's a line in this chapter which really stands out to me, in a bad way (it stands out because the prose to this point has been very sharp). Three paragraphs from the bottom, Shallan's line sounds slightly clunky to me, with the repetition of her distracting Renarin.

Though speaking of distractions... Again, this is the Alethi social mode, but I love that Renarin's reaction to her wearing a glove isn't too short of a reaction to her in a bikini. It just occurred to me that in this chapter we're in the head of someone whose POV we never see, engaging with someone who we never see from the outside. I imagine that must be difficult to write, and again, seeing Shallan without secrets is a little odd. I liked how Kabsal was brought up; it was one of those elements I expect would be picked up in WoR, though I admit, if the person I was romantically interested in nearly poisoned me (deliberately), I doubt if I'd be As forgiving as she seems to be. It works as a neat contrast between him/Adolin and Renarin however, and since romance is key in a shipping fic, I can see how it makes sense.

Overestimation

I've never considered 'the pen is mightier than the sword' so literally before. I have to admit, I wish we had gotten to see Shallan's sword training. No doubt her Shardblade skills will come into focus as the series goes on, but I do regret that you didn't' show us their first exercise. Since we had REnarin learning the feminine discipline in chapter 2, I sort of expected the reversal of seeing Shallan learning the male one now.

That being said, I can see why you skipped it. If the dialogue and thoughts of this scene had happened there, it would have been too sudden. Still, I can imagine chapter 4.5

As for chapter 5... Again, I liked it. There was nothing that stood out as 'bad', and I like being in Shallan's head more than I do Renarin's. I prefer that you ended this chapter with a smaller gesture than a kiss. It helps to build the relationship as something more serious and sincere moving forward. Though, I do like the ending as a potential closing line for the series- it's sweet without falling into a happily ever after in so much love the end style.

I hope these mini-reviews were some use to you, and that I've earned a pin for my Featherbow

Edited December 21, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Oooh, such wonderful commentary! I hope you don't mind if I respond and comment back?

Sapphire Broams

Yes, as I'm sure you've guessed, this is a shipping fic, so it's basically an exercise in me pacing out how I think the Shallan/Renarin romance might play out. Shallan actually wasn't a favorite of mine for a while, until it occured to me that she and I have a lot more similarities than I originally thought.

She does start out a bit aimless, though that's mostly because I think her goals at this point are things that I don't feel comfortable trying to portray, if that makes sense. The problem with "speculative" fanfiction like this is that, there will eventually be answers to a lot of the open questions that we're having, and if I try to answer those myself for this story or guess at what's actually going to happen, I'm going to make a lot of mistakes and this fic will be very dated when later books come out. Now, I don't think there's any way I can actually avoid that totally, but I do try to stay away from it for the most part.

For instance, Shallan is probably doing Soulcasting training with Jasnah at this point... but I don't know anything about Soulcasting, so it's not something that's going to be discussed. I might have her offhandedly mention it, but we're not going to get details, because I don't want to make them up and probably get them wrong. Same with Renarin's shardplate, though he mentions that he has it, I don't think I'll show him wearing it, because I have a feeling that that's going to be something important in WoR. Or there's the very real possibility that Renarin already has Radiant powers or a spren during The Way of Kings and is hiding it. I'm not going to invent a spren for him or try to portray him with Radiant powers, because I would get it wrong, so we're pretending they don't exist here. I managed to pull off a vague hinting at having powers in that flashback one short that you read, but for an extended piece like this, it's best to just avoid the issue.

As for liking the social mores of Roshar, that's definitely something we can agree on. One of my favorite aspects of this ship is the way it could play with and explore gender roles, and as I'm sure you're realizing, it's a major theme for this story. I adore the idea of Renarin and Shallan exploring, bending, and using the gender roles of Roshar in new ways. "Using the skills of the opposite gender to fulfill the ideals of their own" is how I really would like to see their end arc work out.

Lines and Arches

It's totally fine that you're not a fan of romance stuff. To be honest, aside from Shallarin, I'm really not much of a shipper myself. Most of the time I'm happy with whatever canon gives me and not too interested in doing more. But Shallarin grabbed me, so there will be romance stuff in this one.

Renarin is a very distant character in the Way of Kings. I think it's why a lot of people miss his characterization, because he stays in the background and stays quiet. I didn't pick up on him until a few readthroughs after my first, but then I fell in love and just wanted to see and hear more from him. Or... write more for him for myself. Brandon is so skilled in even giving characters who aren't in the spotlight this wealth of characterization and sympathy, and Renarin is a beautiful, wonderful example of that. I liked having to write him as wrestling with doing something "selfish," something that's just for himself, rather than for his father or for the good of his house. (I think it's something he could use more of actually. The poor boy needs to learn how to take care of himself and do something he enjoys for a change.)

Keeping a Pet Skyeel

This one is a bit shorter than the others, but only by a hundred words or so. However, I think the humor does help pick up the pace a little bit. I will say one thing... this one took forever to write, even though it's shorter. And that is because I am bad at writing witty things on command. I knew that I hadn't gotten a chance to show off that side of her character (specifically when her tongue gets away from her and says "clever" things that she probably shouldn't). So that's partially why this chapter exists. It was extremely hard to write though and I still think it might come off as somewhat forced.

I did want to show her and Adolin interacting. I have her talk about it a bit with Renarin, but I like the idea that Adolin might remind her a bit of Kabsal and that Adolin would flirt with her unintentionally. Shallan's comment later about it being something that he doesn't know how not to do, and how she would consider that a weakness, is a very interesting thing to play with. Having something like the ability to talk to girls, that Renarin has always perhaps been a little jealous of Adolin over, and playing it off as possibly a flaw, with Shallan saying she prefers the way Renarin acts and talks, was something I thought was very sweet. (Let's be honest, I think Renarin needs a good dose of self-esteem boosts and I'm here to give them to him.)

A Smile To Calm A Highstorm

First of all, thanks for pointing that line out. It was a mistake actually. I started writing one sentence, then kinda switched in the middle and didn't fix it. I've changed it now:

“So,” she said, holding up the practice sword. “Now that I’ve rambled on for a while, perhaps I should let you get started, instead of distracting you further. Are you ready for us begin?

Actually, regarding Renarin's POV: I find him a lot easier to write than Shallan, and I think I've figured out why. Because he's not a viewpoint character, there's a lot more... openness to what I can say with his viewpoints. I get a lot more leeway with writing him because we haven't actually seen what's inside his head yet! So the minutae of how he thinks and what goes on in his head is what I get to build up from my concepts of who he is and my headcanons. Also, I tend to think about Renarin a lot and I've done a lot of research into his reactions and who he is, so I feel like I know him a lot better.

With writing Shallan's viewpoints, there's a weight of canon that I kind of have to struggle under. Readers have been inside Shallan's head before and if I'm not matching what they remember of her, I'm going to throw them off a bit. You mentioned this even in chapter one, in that my Shallan seemed more aimless than you remember Shallan being in WoK. Try as I might, I'm never going to be able to have the exact same concept of Shallan as Brandon does, and that's difficult to work with. Also while I've read her narrative through a few times, certainly, I haven't devoted nearly as much time or energy into thinking about her character as I have Renarin, so I'm a bit more hesitant when I'm writing as her.

And in addition to that, I have to be careful with her, because I see a lot of similarities between us. I have to make sure that the Shallan I'm writing is still Shallan, and not just a self-insert copy of me with her name slapped onto it. I catch myself doing this sometimes and think, "No, wait. That's me who thinks that. Shallan doesn't have a reason to think like that yet."

Overestimation

The main reason why we don't see sword training here is that I have at least two later scenes that are going to take place during one of their sword training sessions, and seeing as I didn't actually have something to show with their first session that I couldn't convey here, I decided to skip it to save on running out of ideas. This fic starts out with a few scenes of reading training all together, and then it will kinda transition into more scenes of sword training.

And while I did consider having them kiss here, I figured the smaller gesture would be better. They're both characters who have good reason to take things slowly and I don't think they're ready for it just yet. I like a sense of quiet subtle intimacy between them. Touching hands, her wiping his cheek in chapter 2, him noticing her safehand in chapter 4, rather than an overt kind of kissing or embracing. Theirs isn't a whirlwind romance, it's a soft and careful one, and that's a tone I'm trying to keep going.

So in total yes, I love reading what you have to say, because I'm a glutton for feedback and it's really awesome that you did this!

Edited December 22, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Quiver he/him]

I admit that I'm a little apprehensive about replying more, since it has the potential to really de-rail this topic, but...

The points you say about the characters are exactly the reasons I'm not overly fond of fan fiction. I have my fandoms and series I enjoy, but I don't read fan works of them. Either characters don't quite match my interpretation of them, they feel like they've been adjusted to form author surrogates, or (in the case of shipping) it happens as a whirlwind and seems unnatural.

Obviously, the way around that would be to use other characters as protagonists, but the reason I like Harry Potter is because of the Trio (well, Hermione at least). A Hogwarts story without them feels like a bait and switch.

It's a point which I think Brandon excels at. The settings for his books sometimes overshadow the characters to me, but they are so vast and so we'll developed, I could enjoy a Luthadel story, or a Nalthis story without the leads more than I could a Hogwarts one.

(Actually, I'd settle for any Nalthis stories at this point, but that's a different subject.)

Ironically enough though, this means I don't know if I'll read your Sydney Scroungers fiction. It sounds like exactly what I just described, with original characters in a pre-established world, but I haven't seen Pacific Rim. "John Luthor stops fighting crime, and starts fighting Godzillas with Robots" probably isn't enough foreknowledge for that.

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Yeah, I think Sydney Scroungers might be a lot more your style. It's extended universe, so we're totally separate from the actual canon characters and events. In fact, Sydney Scroungers takes place about four years before the events of the movie, so there aren't even spoilers. Also, it's down in Sydney, Australia, while most of the movie takes place in Hong Kong, China.

 

Really the only thing you need to know about Pacific Rim is the worldbuilding basics, most of which you could get from watching a trailer (like this one). There's giant alien monsters coming from a portal in the Pacific Ocean called Kaiju. Humanity has created an organization called the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps (PPDC) who have built giant robots called Jaegers to fight the Kaiju. And piloting a Jaeger requires two pilots working together with a mind-meld set-up called "the drift."

 

And really, the story doesn't feel like Pacific Rim actually. We're a bunch of criminals and smugglers in the underground, so the story ends up quite a bit like a mix between Firefly and Leverage in the PR universe (with a few touches of Dollhouse as well later on.) We actually haven't seen any Kaiju so far, and we've only run into one Jaeger, so for the most part, this campaign almost feels like it could be set in it's own universe. It's certainly not something like Mistborn, where you'd have to be totally familiar with the source material in order to figure it out.

 

I tend to say that people should start with the introduction here, then probably read the backstory prologue from Sylvie's point of view. Sylvie is my character, by the way. I play her and her AI copy, Syl-V. That snippet of Sylvie's backstory (which takes place about a year and a half before the campaign starts) is probably the most worldbuilding-intensive part of the campaign. It's kind of a crash course in Jaegers and the drift for those who aren't familiar with them, and if you can get through that without getting lost, the actual campaign will be a breeze.

 

Sorry, I know that I talk about Sydney Scroungers a lot now, but I'm kind of obsessed with it and it really is amazing. The whole group is fantastic and just excellent writers and it's so, so much fun. Aaaand, for those who might be interested, we've also got a TvTropes page now, so it's almost like we're official. And there's occasional Cosmere references too, so what's not to love.

[Quiver he/him]

There're worse things than to be enthusiastic about something. I'm gonna give Sydney Scroungers a try, since I've liked you're work so far. I've just finished the introduction and Sylvies' prologue.

I liked the prologue. It seems to give most of the details needed, for this chapter if not the complete world. It actually reminds me of sci-fi novels, when the first chapters drop you straight into the world and you have to work out everything as you go. I like Sylvie, and how you draw out tension with the 'murder'. Particularly, I liked how the memory itself was shown, though I migtpht have liked an even more intense tunnel-view.

Of course, I'm guessing from your introduction that Sylvie is not the main protagonist, so I guess it'll be interesting to see how I react to the others. This set up of five, present tense narratives sounds kind of daunting, but I'll persevere, at least for a while. I have no idea about role playing outside of video games, so this next question might be dumb: is there anything about that I should/need to know to understand this piece? Or have you turned everything into prose?

EDIT: Alright, definitely a dumb question, since I could just read and find out. I ask mainly because your introduction post mentions Aspects(?) and Fate points(?) and I have no idea how relevant they are.

EDITWO:

Just finished session #1. The different tenses and POV-jumping(maybe not the most accurate term, but I'm not sure what to call it) was unexpected, and a bit difficult to read after the more traditional prologue. I got used to it as it went on, but the malleability of it was a bit hard to follow.

More positive note, I loved the opening of the piece. It reminded me of the Star Wars crawl. The scene with the drunk was good, but The chapter/session is a lot of set-up for the heist, so judging it as a stand alone may be unfair.

I come across as negative, but it's more a mixed response to how different it is, I think.

Edited December 23, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I'm glad you like Sylvie! She's a VERY fun character to play, as is Vee, the AI. As you've probably realized, yes she's not the "main" character so to speak, as all five Scroungers are equally the main characters. So she gets about a fifth of the spotlight!

 

About FATE Core:

You don't actually have to understand anything about the FATE Core system to understand it, but you can be aware that there are game mechanics behind quite a bit of what happens. Each of the characters have five "aspects" which are character traits that could work for or against them. Players have access to a limited number of "Fate points" that allow them to "invoke" their aspects and change the outcome of a situation or a roll. For instance, one of Sylvie's aspects (at this point in the story) is "Wanted AI Drift Programmer," so if there were a situation where that could come in handy - like she's working with drift tech - I could spend a Fate point to give her a boost if she needed it!

 

Aspects can also be used against you, in what are called "compels." Another of Sylvie's aspects is "Tempted By Tech," so if a situation comes up where that could cause her trouble, anyone at the table could point that out, and I would get paid a Fate point for Sylvie messing things up and causing trouble. For instance, in session 2, Sylvie hears about all that fancy tech that Katie's got installed on the bridge and Gavin, the GM immediately tells me "Sylvie's Tempted by Tech, Alyx. I think she's going to go mess with it and go break something. How about she takes out the Navigation software accidentally in her meddling?" And I grin and cackle because causing trouble for characters is fun, and gleefully accept my new Fate point as I start to write out her doing just that.

 

We've also got some rules for combat and such, including "mental" combat which is very fun. The humiliation of "Bar Creep Rick" in Session 1 is actually a mental combat, in which Sylvie, Eleanor, and Miranda gang up on him so well that he doesn't even get a chance to retaliate before he gets "taken out." There's some actual physical combat later on with some goons, so you can know that there's gonna be a lot of rolls behind that. Fight rolls vs. Defense rolls and turn orders and such. You won't see the technicalities, but they're behind whatever happens.

 

We do all of this technical talk in a separate chat window, then keep the actual on-topic chat totally in character. So while all this is going on, you won't see it in the story. Only the results of these rolls, invokes, and compels show up, while all the mechanics stay below the table. You don't have to understand them, because we handle all that stuff ourselves. Part of what makes FATE Core such a great system, as opposed to a system like D&D or something, is that it encourages players to have well-rounded characters and to play them accurately. The focus is on storytelling and characterization, rather than minutae like stats and such.

 

PoV and Tense:

It should all just be one tense: present, but the omniscient jumping between the five characters is a style that probably isn't very familiar and takes a bit of getting used to. Not only does it get easier to read as you go on though, but... I also get better at differentiating between them and letting you know whose PoV is whose as the sessions go on. It takes a little bit of time for me to get used to how to write these, but I get better! 

 

For reference, my style tends to be: each paragraph is almost always it's own character. The PoV will almost never switch between paragraphs. And for the most part, each new paragraph is a new character (though there are some exceptions where one character's PoV will last multiple paragraphs. It's unavoidable sometimes.) I also try to make sure the character's name is stated early on in the paragraph, so that you know who's talking (and also who's writing, since each character is being written by a different person.)

 

Extra stuff:

Glad you like the opener! That would be Gavin's writing of course, and ze's a great writer! You'll see some pretty great intros from hir later on as well. (As well as some fantastic NPCs!) The pace starts to pick up quite a bit after this. We're still trying to get our feet underneath us during these first few sessions, but things start getting intense just a few in! I'm glad you're sticking with it and I'd love to keep reading your responses!

Edited December 23, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Quiver he/him]

'Things I learned from reading session #2', or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Drift.

After two sessions, I don't think it's unfair to say that this is not a traditional story, least of all in the model of your previous pieces. It feels a lot more free forming than a pre-planned fiction, which I suppose is inevitable given the source material. The freedom makes it harder to predict what's going to happen next, but I think it loses a bit of cohesion.

This is, again, personal preference, but when it comes to critiquing who else experience am I supposed to use? I got much more used to switching from one character/player to another this time, but my favourite sections are still the ones' which have more single focus, namely Sylvie and Seiko. Of course, Miranda's' job is as/more important than theirs, but given the action of the scene spirals out of Syl-V's actions, Miranda doesn't seem as active- even if managing the navigation, cast-off and backup Syl-V leaves me with the impression she is the ultra-efficient one of the team.

This series might not be reviewable in the traditional way. You aren't (at least solely) creating the plot, and anytime I mention a character or my thoughts on them, I feel as if I'm taking a shot at the player. As I said, this isn't a traditional story, but I am interested to see what happen's next. Since I'm at a bit of a loss how to comment on a RP system, is there anything you would be particularly interested in getting feedback on?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Well, I certainly can't change things about the plot or characters now and I don't have much control over plot, though like I said, the pace picks up quite a bit. Eventually we get a feel for each other's writing and it will feel like there's a much more cohesive story as all of our characters become like gears, finally clicking into place and working together to move the plot forward.

 

We're very reactionary here at the beginning, which gives a bit of a disjointed feel because at this point, we don't really understand each other's characters. However, nowadays, we all kinda keep track of all of the characters and understand how they work together. You'll start to see Sylvie and Seiko start having issues with one another, and as that developed, Ellie (Seiko's player) and I have had extensive conversations about their characterization and how they act around one another and what possibilities there might be for them in the future. We both like the idea of them foiling each other in a lot of ways, so both of us work to bring out that kind of characterization in a scene. We talk about possible kinds of resolutions and Gavin, the GM stays aware of what we're planning and where we maybe want our characters to go and constructs these scenes to help push and change our characters in those ways. It really becomes collaborative storytelling (which is something I think an RP system like DnD might never get around to making happen.)

 

You can certainly comment on my work with Sylvie and Vee, (as well as another character that I play, when you end up meeting her). You'll probably be able to guess who that is when she shows up. I'll pass on anything you might like to say to the other players as well, though you certainly don't need to feel like you have to comment on them! I like hearing people's responses to what happens though. Megan (tinandpewterstrength) actually ended up giving us a liveblog while she read and it was super fun to read.

[Quiver he/him]

The Wulagu Trilogy (And A Bit)

I just finished reading sessions three through five. For starters, the fact I read those continuously, whereas the previous sessions were done one at a time, might be a good sign. Normally, I find action scenes a bit dull, and my eyes gloss over looking for dialogue- it's a bad habit I'm trying to break. These sections, with the raid on the ship, kept my attention a lot more, which might be because of the whole reactionary thing.

It's also getting a lot easier to tell characters apart. It''s an oversight on my part, but I misread the introduction post, and assumed Katie was an NPC. I read these chapters with the cheat sheet of characters open, so I could refer back if I needed to, but by the end of Session 5 at least, I don't think that'll be necessary. I'm getting a better feel for the characters, and memorising more of their background. Admittedly, I'm still occasionally thrown by something I didn't recall being mentioned before, like Miranda's cybernetic legs, but everything else has been proceeding really well. Honestly, I'm looking forward to the upcoming session a little more than these ones. At the moment, I haven't thought that Elanore got a chance to show off her (really interesting) skillet. She starts it at the end, but the next chapter, with the interrogation and tension in characters, I'm guessing that's going to come more to the fore. An action scene doesn't particularly play to someone like that's strengths.

And, I'm beginning to think that Katie interrupting Seiko in compromising positions may be something of a running gag...

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Haha, nope. Katie's a PC, played by Eshonai! I'm glad it's getting easier for you to read, that's definitely a good thing!

 

Yes, Miranda having an exoskeleton was a reveal to us all actually. In fact, Emmalyn (who plays Eleanor) and I were both completely unaware of that little scene until I got the copy of the log to edit into the transcript. We were both very surprised to find that out. There are a few more reveals like that, though most end up with a little bit of foreshadowing at least. Miranda was in Sydney during one of the first Kaiju attacks, and she's got quite a bit of damage from that event, so she built herself an exoskeleton to get around. I believe there's actually a backstory account in one of the interludes (after session 10) that talks about that event. 

 

Yes, we have interludes in between arcs. And character backstory flashbacks within them. We are all fans of Way of Kings, aren't we?

 

I love reading your responses to these, they're awesome!

[Joe ST he/him]

I was also surprised by the exo, but you guys are writing such good stuff together now, its great  

[Quiver he/him]

Just started session #6. I probably should wait until I finish to comment, but I'll edit this post. Just wanted to comment that I really like the line 'prison- Greg'. I kinda wonder if it should have been going on a little longer, with him ingratiating himself into the group, but still, I like it when word choices change narrative a bit.

And through the magic of text editing, I have also finished session 6. I like introspection and character dynamics more than action, so I liked this chapter. I've said the sessions are becoming more cohesive and easier to follow, and that's especially true here. The last few were all focused on the same target (the ship) but everyone had split up to do their own thing. This time, with everything revolving around Greg, everything felt more focused.mYes, it didn't 'to leave much for Katie and Miranda, but given Katie had a key role on the boat and we just had Miranda's bionic revelation, them taking a slight backseat to Eleanor felt appropriate. I think Eleanor's thoughts here mean she's the character we've spent the most time 'inside' of, which is strange. I feel a bit uneasy with her shifts from grinning like a shark to over- my- head, but that might be because, as I said, I think this session is where she really gets to start to shine; interrogating the prisoner, finding the traced gun...

Also, I really like when you slip real world things in there, like Seiko thinking in... Not english(I don't know enough about various Asiatic dialects to risk guessing, lest I offend someone) or Eleanor being well-versed in medicine and it's side- effects. The same thing has happened with the Sylvies tech talk, or Miranda's' malfunction, but since those are science fiction, their easier to fake. I'm really hoping Eleanor gets a chance to drop some medical knowledge again soon; with her background, I'd be really interested to hear her diagnose other characters. The fact that the world is now overrun with monsters and giant robots is bound to leave some emotional scars somewhere.

Session 7 (which I'll edit as I go since I seem to give better responses that way), starts with a funny line, so kudos for that. The session actually opens with a very clear and concise summary of events. It's not a big deal, since I'm reading these all linearly anyway, but I like it. On a conceptual level, it reminds me that this and the last 'chapter' were probably some time apart. It's structurally neat, and, when I started reading this instead of six by accident, it helped correct me.

The idea of voting is interesting. In a novel, I'd expect things to go a certain way, because of the plot,but here I'm less certain. Tiny note though; after Sylvies gives her vote, Miranda gives hers and asks the others for opinions. But didn't Eleanor give hers immediately before that? I suppose it's more realistic that they could change their minds or seek reassurances, it just caught me off guard.

And rounding out section one of the session, I like that there is more development on Seiko. Despite his occasional missteps and seasickness, I've found him hard to like. Pronouncing his name 'Psycho' probably didn't help- but getting the specific information of what his call involved and who it was too made him more... Human. Maybe not more likeable, but then, many of my favourite characters are the 'unlike able ones'.

Starting section 2, the cyanide pill does the same. It might not be a 'good' thing, but it strengthens him as being a real person- it's not like before, when providing guns was part of the job. Ditto scene 3. He isn't necessarily getting any warmer or softer, but this section is making me like him the way the previous one did Eleanor.

Speaking of whom, I like how, when she's about to go out of her comfort zone(like a fight) she does so trying to find ways to 'make herself feel useful'. As a minor downside, I don't think we've seen enough of her in her element for this to have the full impact- but she sometimes seems like a nervously strung person anyway.

Really like the cliffhanging ending for Miranda in section 6. It feels very novel-esque. Which is funny, since it an section 7 being so short and focused make them seem very cinematic, like intercutting scenes of an action film. Since Pacific Rim is an action film, I can only assume that's an intentional achievement, but it worked well.

And having finished the session, I want to point out two things. Firstly that, relating back to that point about El seeming nervous, I like how that becomes more obvious as the mission goes, until she's jumping at the gunfire, ducking her head to escape the explosion, and admitting out loud that she isn't as much use. The second thing is that I found it funny that that person, an oil heiress and a computer nerd constitute a strike force. I can't think of any other word to describe them, but it unintentionally amuses me to picture them with camo pants and face paints.

And finishing session 8, I like Wulagu. They way everyone has talked about her has been building her into a scary threat, and seeing that play out, with death threats, bribery and nerve gas reinforces it. There's also a bit of a Bond Villain feel to her, which is something I like.

For more general notes: Greg. It's kinda sad that, even in a monster ridden-dystopia, he's more anxious about being outed than by the giant monsters. His 'friendship' with Samil was unexpected, but right now, I don't have much of an opinion on him. He's currently the quipping sidekick, though, as El pointed out, he has been pumped with drugs. Tara being introduced seemed a tad -convenient- for my liking, but it's a really minor complaint.

As I said, the more of this I read, the more I enjoy it. A sinking shop and a giant robot seems like a dramatic cliffhanger for this recap, so I'll wrap this up. It's a good thing that Jaeger showed up, since it lets me do another goofy joke title for this post:

I hearby dub these sessions collectively as 'Drifter, Jaeger, Kaiju, Sei(ko)'.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Session 6 Comments
It's funny that you talk about Eleanor being the character whose thoughts we see the most of, when I tend to think of Eleanor and Katie as the characters that I know the least about. That is probably due to the fact that Emma and Ellie, who play Miranda and Seiko, realize that I like those two characters a lot and have decided that it's their goal to make me cry with tragic backstories and characterization talk for all the Cosmere meanness that I have perpetuated over the years. There's also backstory stuff for Seiko, Miranda, and Sylvie posted after Session 10, whereas Katie and Eleanor both have yet to reveal much of their backstories. However, now that you mention it, I realize that Emmalyn does tend to write Eleanor with a lot more inner thoughts.

Seiko is speaking Japanese! He and three little sisters are all from Japan. His name would be pronounced SAY-ko Wah-tah-NAH-beh, by the way. I said SEE-ko for the longest time... Miranda knows a little bit as well, probably from the two of them living as roommates for a while.

And hah. Emotional scars. From a bunch of Brandon Sanderson fans? That doesn't sound like us at aaaallllll.... *muffled sobbing over Seiko and Miranda in the distance* (I may or may not be a fervent shipper of those two. Their ship name is currently called "Advanced Hydrophobia.")

Session 7 Comments
Yep, by this point Gavin has gotten into the habit of giving us a nice, concise "previously on" statement to open the sessions, which I've taken to preserving. They're nice when I post these with some time apart, but reading back-to-back-to-back they're not as necessary.

Occasionally we'll try to deliberate in the side chat to figure out the plan and then have one of the characters take charge and order the rest about, usually Katie or Miranda, but sometimes it just makes more sense to have the characters do it themselves. And, thanks for pointing that Eleanor thing out. That was a mistake. Sometimes I have to rearrange statements and such to make them work, like someone will respond to something that's a little farther back or trying to group characters who are speaking together, and I make a few mistakes sometimes. Thanks for helping me catch that!

Oh Seiko. He... may just be my favorite character actually. Certainly among them. The more you find out about him the more "likeable" he becomes. Ellie has talked about how she originally planned to write him as the selfish stoic badass type, and then Emma had Miranda order him an appletini and it all went downhill from there. He's still very cold and distant, but when you realize why—the fact that he's had to do so many terrible things and become this terrible person to try to provide for his little sisters after they lost their parents in a Kaiju attack—your heart just kinda breaks for him. Or mine does at least. (If you're curious, you can hear Ellie talk about Seiko here, and if you're not through with hearing me ramble, I talk about him here with my actual voice yay.)

The action sequences actually have that cinematic feel because of part of what's going on with the FATE system actually. When we get into a combat situation, we actually start taking turns and go in order, as opposed to our normal system of just everyone acting and talking as they feel . I do some rearranging and sticking some turns together when they need to, but we get longer, more complete sequences from each character as they take their turn. Sometimes it's going to be a direct combat roll, such as Katie and Sylvie taking out those two guards or Seiko shooting sentries. Other times it's a character using one of their skills to "Create an Advantage" and manipulate the situation to their benefit, such as Miranda charging in and intimidating the guards into surrendering.

Session 8 Comments
Wulagu is awesome. I'm glad you picked up on her Bond Villian influence, because that's something that Gavin has explicitly stated to be a motivation for her character. She's theatrical, she's terrifying, and she's deadly effective. We're all a fan of awesome lady characters being awesome (you might have noticed that there's a bit of a female-heavy weighting to the character balance) so all three of the major faction leaders are women. Wulagu is one, Marshall Zhu is another. The third starts to come into play in Act 2 (though none of the characters have actually interacted with her yet. Sylvie has talked to her brother quite a bit.)

Actually, Greg's not worried about being outed. That's another thing you're probably going to pick up on in the campaign: we've got absolutely zero issues with having characters who are non-heterosexual or non-cisgendered or... well any sort of gender, sexual, or romantic minority showing up. The general idea among the players is: "Well, everyone else writes white, het, cis, male characters. Let's not do that with our story. We're gonna have a bunch of awesome ladies. And we're gonna have a bunch of people of color. And we're gonna have a bunch of people who are some variety of queer too."

Greg and Samil are one of quite a few same-sex couples in the campaign and it's not going to be portrayed as suprising that that's a thing. Greg and Samil are a couple, Tara will flirt with a female guard in Session 9 (though it's offscreen), the Scroungers drop in on a neighborhood house with two husbands. Katie is currently nursing quite a crush on Marshall Zhu. Marshall Zhu (as if she couldn't get more awesome) is actually transgender herself. A fact which is widely known in the universe. Though it hasn't been explicitly stated yet, you can assume that all of the characters know this about her and aren't going to be surprised if she mentions it. In fact, Seiko and Miranda are one of the very few heterosexual couples even being hinted at currently.

So yeah, Greg isn't worried about "being outed" here. What he's thinking is that he and Samil have been on a few dates, but Samil might not be as serious about this whole thing as Greg would like them to be. (aaawwwwww.) He explains this in Session 6:

Samil is, uh… We’re close. And like I said, sometimes when we have some free time we, you know, see each other. And that’s the thing, Samil… we haven’t really talked much about stuff. I don’t know if he’s serious or if he’d… he’d throw me right under the bus if Karen came calling.

As for Tara's "convenient" introduction, yes... it was a very nice stroke of luck. And was the result of a very lucky roll on Heather's part. One of Katie's top skills is "Conacts" so Heather asked Gavin if she could roll to see if she could use that Contact skill to create an advantage inside the room. Gav told her she could try, but it'd be a pretty hard roll to beat. She managed to pass it, much to our surprise and celebration, therefore creating a situation where someone in the room had worked with Katie before! Thus Tara was born.

Can't wait to see more of what you read!

 

EDIT: Whoops, I meant to comment on the Katie, Eleanor, and Sylvie as a "strike team" thing. It's actually less far-fetched than you might expect. Katie's got a very high Athletic skill, which means that she tends to fight in ways that aren't necessarily straight-forward, but is very much able to hold her own against opponents. Thanks to Sylvie's training in the Jaeger pilot program, she's actually the team's hand-to-hand combat specialist and can be absolutely dangerous when she needs to be. She did kill that guard accidentally while sneaking into Vulcan. Eleanor's really the only non-combat-ready person on the team, which you picked up on.

 

Also, I don't know if I mentioned, but Seiko's actually the youngest member of the crew, though quite a few of them would be surprised to learn that, and he tends to pass for older than he is. (Sylvie certainly would be surprised. She thinks he's older than she is.) He's 22, if I remember correctly, whereas Sylvie, Eleanor, and Katie are all around 25-26, and Miranda is the oldest at... 28 maybe? I should talk to their players about that sometime and nail that down.

Edited December 27, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Quiver he/him]

I'm going to 'live review' again, since I give much more feedback that way. Before I do, I want to reply to a few things you said.

First, about Seiko... I may be a bit colder to him because I'm not a fan of the 'stoic badass' trope. I can understand the appeal of it, and appreciate the character on his merits, but as a person I'm not fond of him yet. That said, Theon is my favourite character in ASOIAF, and he is basically a weasel, so me liking someone doesn't play into how much I... Like someone lol. And, right now, I do think Eleanor is the hardest to figure out, but I find it interesting that that's in spite of how much we've been in her head. I half-expect a HUGE plot twist involving her motivations, allegiances, etc.

And second, you have no idea how giddy you guys having openly LBGT characters makes me. Particularly the T part. I've seen pictures of Zhu posted on your tumblr under the scroungers tag; is she another NPC or a player character?

Session 7

Even after just a day, having those opening paragraphs really helps reorientate you back into the feel of this, and the one liner about answer to Zhu is, of course, badass.

And if you want to sell that badass threat, having characters break down into gibbering wrecks helps sell it. I wasn't sure whether to expect Vulcan Spectre to return after your prologue, but now that it has, I like Sylvies reaction to it. Now isn't the time, but I like that Eleanor takes the chance to try and support her somehow- I sort of hope she offers her some counselling after this. And, it might not mean anything, but I find it interesting how Seiko and Sylvie both start repeating information when they get worried. It's different info, for different reasons, but it's a neat touch. Greg's last line again sort of undercuts the tension, maybe a little too quickly for my liking, but that's personal bias.

For the second scene, I like how much of a badass Zhu is. It's hypocritical, given I said before I dislike that trope, but part of the reason is that it's usually associated with male characters. Female badasses get the benefit of the doubt. In this case, Zhu gets bonus points for using the male trope as a transgendered female. I also like Sylvies continual freak out; given the circumstances, I think I'd be in much the same state. Again, continuing parallels, Sylvie is reacting to Zhu similarly to how Seiko did to Wulagu, despite Rachael being blunt where Karen was dramatic. I'm not sure what sort of point I'm making with the statement, but I do find it neat.

What I said about Gregory being the quipping sidekick is still true, but I found his lines with Samil much more engaging than his one liners. Seiko's reaction to it also finally helped me realise something about him. The way his scenes shift from stoic badass to metaphorical emasculation suddenly means, to me, he's the Worf or the Wolverine of the group.

The assault was a change. After two close quarters fight, a long distance one was a nice change of pace. It actually made me very curious about the specifics of Vee. You've shown her processor being stressed before, I'm just left with curiosity regarding full out cyber warfare. And rounding out the session with a focus on El gives it a nice balance. I feel like everyone, bar perhaps Katie, really got moments to shine in this one, whether it was Slvies breakdown, Miranda's bluff, Seikos shooting or Eleanor's conversation.

I just noticed how long session 10 is/are, so I'm going to read through both posts and comment on them individually.

Part One- more moments for Eleanor to shine are never a bad thing. Despite how long the post is, I don't have much constructive things to say, so here's one point that really stood out to me in a character-driven post: Sylvie reminds me of an addict.

After being terrified, she tries to make herself better by Drifting, and the way she pleads almost has me adding the words "You know I'm good for it". Calling her reaction to the shutdown code a tantrum is underselling it- someone flipping the off button in your head is a bit of a violation- but again, I'm reminded of someone freaking out because they don't get their fix. She stays in the room until she calms down, like someone going cold turkey, only to freak out again over the addiction.

This is the scene that makes Seiko look best, I think. There's no prior history with Slvie or family ties; he doesn't have to be as calm as he is. But he is. In spite of how much trouble she has caused him. He reverts to the split second of threats, but that doesn't change what happened before.

Finally, I like how Seiko's comments about how fiVe has changed we're supported by her broken dialogue and glitching words. I'm looking forward to the fallout of this revelation.

Since part two was also character driven and the end of Act One, I figure I'll give my thoughts on each character individually. As a general point though, this section was very cathartic, and the ending of Katie and Eleanor on the boat was very cinematic.

I'll start with Sylvie since she's yours. I've liked her throughout the Act, but this and the last section where she broke down are the highlights. Her confrontation with Zhu in this chapter was great; I like how, despite her being a main character whose experiment worked, she is still the bad guy. Zhu laid out the reasons for that clearly, and in a way that makes me a lot more sympathetic to her point of view than I might have otherwise been. My description of Sylvie as an addict may be slightly off, with her sitting by the computer for comfort; I've been guilty of that with things at times. Still, it feels like she's in pieces at the moment, so I'm curious to see how she gets back together.

Miranda has been, not a badass, but certainly cool to this point. I'd consider her the Captain America of the team right now; the one who makes the plays, even if she isn't -quite- in charge. She doesn't seem to be in a bad place emotionally (her last line is rather peaceful) but given the revelation about fiVe, the complications of life with Seiko, and having to balance this and the PPDC, I can't imagine that things aren't going to hit the fan soon.

And Seiko. The failure of the Harry Swift identity hardens back to what I said about his emasculation,where, like Worf or Wolverine, his badassness gets undercut. But like those two, he gets moments of introspection and insight. Sylvie last time was good, but this one with Mira was great. I love how the narration played his decision as not telling her, right until he blurted it out. His line, that he's wasted a good identity, seems fairly significant to me. He revealed information that he previously kept close to the chest, then collapsed into a fairly vulnerable position. I'm really interested to see how these developments have effected him in the next session.

I'm noticing that all of Eleanor's best scenes come from dialogue. I don't think her and Kate made as large a splash as the other characters did, probably since their roles are more passive. That's not to say their unlikeable; Eleanor's smile creeps even her friends out, and I remain convinced something is going on with her. This Act seems to end Katie's involvement in a way, since the Scroungers aren't going to be solely reliant on her resources moving forwards. Given her reaction and your comments about her relationship with Zhu, I'm guessing Act Two will further her character a bit. I feel a bit guilty criticising her to be honest- unfortunately, the heiress connection made me initially picture another Hilton or Kardashian, so I've been trying to readjust my mental view from that.

So, in brief conclusion, again, I liked it. It feels like a very definite ending, so I have to ask; do you guys plan on three acts, or will this just go on until it doesn't? Looking forward to the results either way. Since that's the first Act done, I think I'll finish here, and try to do the interludes together next time.

I just finished the Sylvie interlude (and if I don't edit this post, the way I bounce around topics is schizophrenic). As a foreword; yes, I liked it. Unlike the normal campaign, this feels like a definitely controlled story. It undermines my earlier comparison that Sylvie is an addict, since the meeting between the V's is very sincere and heartwarming, but then, this chapter is entirely from her POV. And, ironically, while I've gotten used to the style for the sessions, I can relate to Sylvie, since I do feel most comfortable as one characters shadow.

I was about to comment on The Diver, when I noticed it wasn't your work. Apologies for the minor brain freeze. As for the piece itself, it's atmospheric. The ending does a good job of building dread; enough so that I'm worried about the placement of it. This sounds like it should be the closing of Act One, or the last interlude before Act Two. I wonder how the next ones are going to read in light of it...

Just started Miranda's interlude. As my frequent types point out, I'm not the best speller and have a fairly shaken grasp of grammar. So I don't intend this to sound snobbish, but I thought I should highlight a typo in it, when Miranda scans the crow, rather than the crowd.

Finishing the first one, I'm not sure what to say. I sort of assumed Jason was going to die early on, but faking his survival by having his face cut into her vision is cruel. Similarly, having Mira's memory of her mothers death cutting in, forcing her to change the question; also cruel. And sad. I don't normally appreciate angsty back stories, but I think it works here, since the Miranda in the RP hasn't been depressed. It's sort of refreshing to see someone managing to pick up the pieces of their life after a gut-wrenching tragedy. I kinda feel like it's become a cliche to wallow in that guilt and depression without reprieve, and seeing that Miranda apparently moved on to enjoy Mistborn and Zelda makes me happy. You know, in a sad way.

The second one continues that trend. Since I haven't seen Pacific Rim, I've been slightly unsure what the PODC does or how it operates. The fact that Miranda has goals and skills as a result of the Kaiju attack, without any sort of depressed moping, is great. It's odd to say about finding a man armed to the teeth in your living room, but opening it with washing dishes sells the situation as almost mundane. It helps make Mira a more realistic and likeable person.

And the second Sylvie post leaves me feeling validated in my analysis of her. I don't really have much else to say about it. I feel like the chapter is skewed a bit, since we see it through the eyes of someone who basically just got kicked down. The small tie of having Dmitry there was a neat touch, and I wonder if he's going to be making an appearance again in the main game.

Overall, I liked them, my only complaint being I feel they were posted in the wrong order. Sylvie's reaction to Zhu is nice to get so quickly, but I kinda wish the chapters were in a more chronological order. It's just a pet peeve though, and one which doesn't make a huge difference overall.

Since I've commented on everything else leading to now, I'n going to backtrack and comment on the bits and pieces of non-session related miscellany you've posted; pictures, comments, etc. Since I'm a worse artist than I am a critic, I'll keep it short.

First, the Sylvie and Zhu pics. I'm not a big fan of that faux-anime deformed look, so I was actually more interested in Sylvies Aspects. Granted, I don't know what they mean, but a peek at some of the mechanics guiding the gameplay is neat. I'd like to see more of that.

Eleanor is a nice and moody piece, which has the (unintentionally?) side effect of making me even more suspicious of her. What is she looking at or thinking about, hmm...?

The Miranda drawing is brighter, maybe because she's a brighter character. It's not an easy assessment to discard when the next picture has a... Mishap? I think?

That's not a slight against the art style in the Advanced Hydrophobia picture. I just have no idea about applying eyeliner, other than that missing hurts, but the last panel kinda reminds me of the Killing Joke more than anything...

Finally, the references. When I'm done, I might tally all the pop culture references you guys have racked up, but I think my favourite so far has been Miranda's Triforce shirt. It's such a small thing that says so much about her.

Well, that draws my analysis to a close. Given the length, I think this one has earned the title of 'Brightlady of the Rings: Extended Edition'.

Edited December 28, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Misc Comments:

Yeah, I like Seiko because I love sad broken backstory characters, and he's got that in spades. And to answer the Zhu question, she's an NPC (though a fairly important one!) and is played by Gavin. Ze does such an incredible job with her. I think she's pretty much everone's fave character. Basically, the five Scroungers are always played by their player. Players occasionally have control of any accessory characters, the ones who are closely related to their character, such as me playing fiVe and Vee or Ellie playing Seiko's sisters -- however, Gavin also has the rights to take control of these characters if the situation demands it. Everybody else -- Zhu, Wulagu, Greg, Samil, any of the other characters -- those are gonna be played by Gavin exclusively!

 

Session 9

As soon as Gav mentioned a Jaeger showing up, I pretty much begged hir to make it Vulcan, just because I think that being mean to Sylvie is my favorite thing ever. She's pretty much going through some very severe PTSD right here. The Vulcan Specter incident not only ruined her life, but was also the most traumatic thing she's ever been through, and seeing it show up here again totally renders her useless.

 

And the Seiko/Sylvie thing is another version them being foils. Seiko's freaking out because Wulagu just threatened his sisters and he can't handle it. While on the surface, he and Sylvie's freakouts are a bit similar, Seiko stays functional and knows how to work through it, while Sylvie totally breaks down.

 

I think "badass" is pretty much an understatement when it comes to Zhu. She's just the coolest person ever. So amazing. So so amazing.

 

As for Vee's specs, you'll see quite a bit more about how she and fiVe function as the series goes on. One thing to note is that that whenever her processing goes to above normal levels, one of the first things that gets hit is her voice processor. There's two reasons for that: first, it's a non-essential. Voice processing takes power and if she really needs to, she can switch to text output to save processor, so her programming says that having a clear voice is one of the first things to go.

 

The second reason is more extra-textual: it gives me more ability to show emotion, which is something that I have a problem with when it comes to both of the AiVees (which is our current collective name for the AIs). It's hard when I don't have physical reactions to work with to convey emotion, so I have to settle for finding equivalents. This is one of the reasons why Sylvie pulls up the graph output of Vee's emotions in that first interlude, to give me as a writer the ability to give her a visual aspect to what she's feeling.

 

Session 10 Part 1

Sylvie as an addict isn't something I'd thought of before actually, but now that you bring it up, it's more accurate than you might think. She and Vee are very, very codependent, possibly to the point of an unhealthy relationship. Sylvie doesn't tend to process things well on her own, so when she gets stressed or finds herself unable to deal with things, her immediate response is "drift". It's worth noting that she's still suffering a bit of her annoyedness at not being able to drift over the Greg situation, and now that Vulcan has shown up, Sylvie's just about at the end of her rope for being able to function on her own.

 

Also, quite a bit of her outrage at Seiko is on Vee's behalf. The override code is very much a vulnerable aspect of Vee, something that she trusted only Sylvie with having. Seiko using it here, bringing it out of nowhere, was horrifying and shocking to both of them. He basically just chloroformed Vee out of nowhere, and Sylvie was in her head when it happened, feeling all of that terror and panic right as she goes dark.

 

I do think Seiko feels bad for Sylvie, or at least he would if her inability to handle these kinds of situations didn't put him in danger. He knows how to deal with stuff like this, she doen't. While her inexperience causes a lot of problems for him, he also cares a lot about fiVe and can understand why Sylvie acts the way she does. (He got the code from drifting with fiVe, of course. Miranda drifted with fiVe once, then Seiko did as well without letting Miranda know about it. Both drifts went very badly for all parties involved and are part of the reason that fiVe has so much damage.)

 

Session 10 Part 2

Told you they got more cohesive, didn't I?

 

Yeah, Sylvie definitely screwed up with the Vulcan thing and both she and Zhu know it. That's part of why Zhu scares her so much: if Zhu ever decided to lock her up, she would have no defense and no way out of it because she is 100% guilty and deserves to go to prison. The fact that Zhu is giving her a second chance is unexpected and scary. After this session, Sylvie's high Aspect changes from "Wanted Drift AI Programmer" to "Atoning Drift AI Programmer" and she replaces one of her other Aspects with "Terrified of Disappointing Marshall Zhu". Suffice it to say Zhu is going to be a major motiviating factor in her life after this.

 

Captain America might be a bit too nice for Miranda. Emma has talked about how she's definitely not supposed to be read as a "good" person and that she and Seiko kinda make a good pair because of that. (Because Seiko is definitely a bad person.) She's kind of the steadying member of the team, though. While Katie is supposed to be the leader, her thrill-seeking adrenaline junkie aspects can make her reckless, so Miranda helps keep her focused and in line.

 

Again, I'd argue that he's not really supposed to be this badass Worf or Wolverine character. While that was the original idea, he's definitely playing to the broken and traumatized background more than the awesome kickass kind of character. Ellie's said: "I was going to write him as this stoic badass but then Miranda ordered him an Appletini and everything went downhill from there."

 

I mean, he's a kid, who's had to learn how to do horrible things, who has murdered and tortured and bloodied his hands in every way imaginable, because he made the decision to put taking care of his sisters above everything else. He's pushed down his conscience to be able to do these things, becoming the "conssumate professional" but he's in a very unhealthy state of mind because of it. And he totally breaks my heart because of it. Ellie is a terrible person and she makes me cry with her stupid tragic characters UGH.

 

Katie's still definitely the team leader. Not all of their jobs are going to be for Zhu, and she's the one who makes the calls and sets things up. The group is a team now, and she's their head. This certainly isn't going to be the end of her involvement. Not by a longshot. And I am also excited to see more of Eleanor's backstory. Some of it starts to come out in Arc 2, but I think we've got exciting things to see from her.

 

Interludes:

Some of these, like Sylvie's and the Diver are post-session, others are backstory. The Sylvie/Vee interlude is all me, I wrote that one alone and without the group, and then sent it by Gavin to make certain it was okay. Obviously I have a lot more control over this kind of situation, so it's going to read a lot more straightforward. In fact, that's what really separates the Interludes from regular sessions. They're either written by one person or a back-and-forth between two people.

 

Gavin wrote the Diver, and actually ze just posted it to tumblr like this and waited for us to find it. (That jerk.)

 

Yes, Miranda's backstory is pretty dark and I'd say she's really not over it or moved on. However, rather than being depressed, Miranda's got a very deep hatred of Kaiju, and will do anything to destroy them. She's driven, and lots of the things that she does are motivated by this. It's why she became a J-Tech engineer (J-tech would be Jaeger Tech, while K-Science would be Kaiju Science). She loathes Kaiju with every fiber of her being and would tear them apart with her own hands if she could. It's part of what makes her relationship with Katie rocky, because Katie is a Kaiju enthusiast and is fascinated by them. This starts to come out more in Arc 2 as well.

 

The PPDC is a worldwide organization founded by the UN in response to the Kaiju attacks. It operates quite a bit like a military organization, but it is international, with Shatterdomes (bases) around all of the Pacific. Each Shatterdome is headed by a "Marshall" who is in charge of all of that Shatterdome's operations and coordinates attacks with other Shatterdomes. Also, this second interlude was written by Ellie and Emma together, if I'm not mistaken, so they're each playing their own characters here.

 

Glad you liked the second Sylvie interlude as well! This was also my writing (though I had to get the okay to use Yegorov, as he's technically an NPC). We're not sure if he'll ever show up in the actual campaign, because as the Marshall said, he did attack some fellow pilots and is currently in prison. It'd be interesting if he ever did show up though!

 

The chronological order thing is something that's difficult to avoid, as we're all just kinda figuring out and writing up these pieces of backstory as they come to us. They do jump around a bit, and there's not much I can do about that. Tumblr sorts by post-date so I can't even rearrange them at all.

 

Misc.

Yeah, the Sylvie and Zhu pics come from a dollmaker, so we can't really do anything about the style. This dollmaker actually has a LOT of options though, so we were able to get things a lot closer to accurate than we might have with other dollmakers. I know most of the crew actually made versions of their characters with this one, but I don't think the others posted theirs.

 

Also, the team's aspects have changed since then. We keep a google document that we can all edit to keep track of the team's aspects. If you're curious, at the end of Act 1, the team's aspects are:

 

Sylvie Mansen

• Atoning Drift AI Programmer
• Tempted by Tech
• V2 Is Broken And I Am Incomplete
• Seriously Skeeved by Seiko
• Terrified of Disappointing Marshall Zhu

Seiko Watanabe

• Two Families to Protect
• Deadly Practical
• Not Cut Out For This
• Not Dating or Friends with Miranda in Any Way Shape or Form
• The One Who Knows the Way to my Heart 

Eleanor Cartier

• Underworld Shrink with a Past
• Jumps Right In, Won't Back Down
• Don't Lie to Me, I'll Know
• I Should Really Lose My License for This
• Accidentally Picked Up A Big Brother

Miranda Cross

• Not-So-Freelance Jaeger Mechanic
• Handle With Care
• Ohana Means Nobody Gets Left Behind or Forgotten
• No More Crossed Wires
• If You Don't, Then I Will

Katie Horner

• Mastermind-in-training
• Adrenaline Junkie
• I Absolutely Made the Right Hires
• Financing My Own Personal War
• A Fragile Partnership

And all of those mean various things to each of us. Some are more clear than others, but they're basically personality traits, for better or worse.

 

Eleanor, Miranda, and the Advanced Hydrophobia comic were drawn by Ellie, who plays Seiko, as presents! (I think she might be drawing the rest of the crew at some point too. She's so cool. Ellie is the coolest person ever.) They're probably a lot more accurate than the dollmaker pics, because there was actual drawing involved! (And eyeliner usually isn't painful, but it IS very easy to mess up and then it's a pain to try to fix and get it even.)

 

Whew! And, Act 2 is in progress. I'm going to try to get another session posted soon. The first two were short, so I combined them. (Session 11 originally ended right before a certain confrontation. Quite the cliffhanger.) And then, I think the most recent thing is a conversation that Ellie and I did between Reika (Seiko's youngest sister) and fiVe. I'm gonna try to get Session 13 up soon, but we're playing tonight, so I might be busy!

 

EDIT: And at Gavin's suggestion, if you find yourself curious about Fate at all, you can download the rulebook for free on Evil Hat's website.

Edited December 29, 2013 by FeatherWriter

[Quiver he/him]

Lady Feather, I see you haven't posted session 13 yet! Good news for me, since it means I can take the opportunity to get caught up on the Act in progress. Again, live blogging since it helps me concentrate on being constructive (even if I am a tad superfical)

Looking over 11/12, I don't see any divide where one ends and the next begins, so I'll just cover it scene by scene again.

Firefly getting a cinematic reboot? Now I know this is a parallel universe. You guys seem very fond of your nerd culture. As if that wasn't indication of Zhu's coolness, the speech where she calls out those tropes did. I liked getting an introduction to the Kaiju kult. From your introduction post they sounded like a really interesting idea, and I've been waiting semi-patiently for them. The first scene does a good job of kicking off those new plot lines, especially with the ad; I'm curious to see how it plays out. It's also seeming like a new stage for the characters, setting up future arcs. Seeing fiVes resentment of Sylvie is interesting hint, and I'm curious to see how Katie and Eleanor deal with Zhu. You mentioned Katie having a crush on her, but Ellie's comment about the cute shirt makes me wonder if something is there, too. They did have scenes together last session where they expressed mutual respect.

Scene two is sorta the same, mo ing plot along, so I don't have much to add. That said, I did find Seiko and Miranda's conversation at the end quite funny. I'm getting odd looks, so I may have giggled aloud. I've already seen that the next interlude is Reika and fiVe, so I'm curious to see how that works out.

And I like the next scene. I'm guessing that fiVes free will is going to be involved moving forward, but I really like the arguments both sides have here. I know it's a fiction trope to believe in the free will of AI. In real life (with current software etc) I think I would be on Sylvies side, but in-universe, it's hard to agree with her. I'm definetly curious to see how the relationships proceed from this.

You know, after the cat fight.

Again, an opportunity for Eleanor to be good. As I said, I generally like the scenes where she is using her medical knowledge or people skills, so I enjoyed seeing her break up the argument. I have to admit, I kinda forgot that Sylvie is the one with combat skills, rather than Miranda, so I was sort of surprised at the resulting fight. I feel a little guilt but, I have to admit, some of Miranda's slurrings were kinda funny ('wiwifwield').

And the moment whe fiVe glitches in the interlude might be my favourite moment in the entire thing so far. I know it's brief, but it's memorable, the way Miranda and Sylvie's memories cross each other. The same goes for how she jumps at the idea of the Kaiju. FiVe seems like a really interesting jumbled up POV, and I really hope we see more of it soon.

All of which brings me up to date in your work. I hope that something I've said was useful, or at least so hopelessly off target you got a good laugh out of it. I'm looking forward to any future Scrounger sessions, and thanks for the rule book. I've been considering starting tabletop RPGs lately, and that should be a helpful guide at least.

Edited December 29, 2013 by Quiver

[FeatherWriter she/her]

The divide for 11 and 12 was actually right as Miranda starts to throw her punch. There was a break with a new intro there, but both Gavin and I thought it would be best just to put these two together, so I wrote over it and just made it all flow together. There's actually not even a scene or paragraph break at the point now, as the last line of Session 11 was: "Before [Miranda] has time to think, Sylvie’s words have set her fist into motion."

 

We do love our nerd culture. We get fairly liberal with references and shout outs  as time goes on, because they're fun and they give the characters connections back to the world. (And who doesn't want a Firefly reboot? Crazy people, that's who.) And yes, fiVe is very resentful of Sylvie. I'd go all the way to outright loathing, actually. I really, really, really love playing fiVe and she's one of my favorite characters to write. However, her appearance here -- and Vee's -- are both Gavin, since they're giving out new plot information! Ze did a good job with her here!

 

What is to be done with fiVe is a major plot point from here on out, and it's something that's going to be causing contention in the crew. It's one of the reasons that I gave Sylvie the aspect: "V2 is Broken and I am Incomplete" because this is going to be a major motivator for her and I want to be able to use that for and against her in the sessions. Sylvie's viewpoint is interesting. She very much feels that Vee, and therefore fiVe are versions of herself and therefore what she wants for them is is going to be best. She's the only one who has a right to those memories and feelings, and especially if fiVe has gotten to the point where she actively dislikes her "source material" then in Sylvie's mind, something is terribly wrong and needs to be fixed. (And she is slightly correct here. fiVe is damaged quite thoroughly, but whether that is influencing her desire to be independent is a different story...)

 

Heh, when we started rolling for that fight scene... Sylvie kind of had an amazing fight roll and nearly knocked Miranda all the way to unconciousness, oops. Figures I'd roll excellently when it's against my own teammate, right? (And yes, the slurrings are pretty funny. Cute little slurry Miranda.)

 

Finally, Reika and fiVe. I really need a way to show what exactly fiVe's damage is in context, but this starts to hint at it. Basically, the problem is in her programming: she's only designed to drift with Sylvie and she is supposed to become a copy of her drift partner through that drift. When any of the AiVees drift with another person, their programming tells them "The memories that you're receiving are yours and you are to treat them as though they actually happened to you." So, Miranda's drift (and later Seiko's) actually overwrote the memories she had from Sylvie and it makes trying to remember things absolute hell for fiVe. She's got multiple sets of memories in her head and she has no way of differentiating between them, so she ends up acting like a glitchy version of Sylvie with copious amounts of Seiko and Miranda mixed in. fiVe is actually channeling a lot of Seiko here, because all of her perceptions of Reika come from him. She has to keep reminding herself that she's not Seiko and that Reika isn't her sister.

 

And I'll try to work on session 13 soon, because I really, really, want to keep posting more of these, but I do have my Cosmere Secret Santa fic due in a week and... I'm terribly behind on that. Perhaps I'll do some Scrounger editing in the meantime as a break though!

[Quiver he/him]

Best of luck with the secret Santa fiction then, and I hope I get a chance to critique that as well. I enjoy your writing style.

Actually, if you don't mind my asking, do you have any original fiction? Slightly off-topic maybe, but all the links here are to Cosmere/Sydney things. You said that you tried to follow Brandon's style for Cosmere, and Scroungers is a collaborative piece, so I was sort of curious if you had any pieces in your own setting.

That... sounds much more insulting than I mean it to, so let me clarify: I really enjoy your stuff. I'm just curious if you have anything that's not fan fiction, if only so I can have a few more things to read. I'm really sorry in advance if this request is too prying or comes across as an insult, since I don't mean it as either. It's all a matter of curiosity (and trying to learn how to write).

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I do actually, but it's all either very old or very rough. I've got an original short story called "Beneath the Cursed Sun" that's a few years old now, but is not too terrible. That one's publically published on deviantart and it's complete. It starts here and is five parts long. Like I said, it's old, but it's finished at least.

 

My current story that I'm working on is currently under the working title "Called Forth". It's only about halfway finished and it's a SUPER rough draft at the moment, because it was a NaNoWriMo piece and therefore super sloppy and disorganized. I have given out links in the past, but honestly, it's really so rough and so much has changed even from when I started that it's not really accurate anymore, so I might hold out on showing you that one.

 

It's basically about a selfish jerk of a summoner named Len and her four familiars, who get caught up in a revolution that they really shouldn't be involved in, but have to see to the end anyway. Len is an... interesting character to write and all four of her familiars are a fun bunch as well. And by fun, I mean horrible and tragic mostly. Heck, the first line of the novel is: "No matter how many times it happened to him, Kasten never got used to dying."

 

(Poor Kasten, I'm so mean to him...)

 

However, I do have a non-canon short story posted about Called Forth, because... a few of the people who have read the draft started shipping two of the characters (who are NOT going to get together but that's not stopping them from shipping it) and I decided to humor them and write a quick scene between them. Honestly, I think it's a good indication of what the story's like... right up to the point that shippy stuff happens. 

 

Light, I'm really bad at romance, especially two characters that I know should not be together. Anyway, so there's a short non-canon story of "VanaLen" (which would be Vanaline and Len together), that can be found here. It's more indicative of what my writing currently sounds like... if you ignore the shippy stuff at the end. Bleh.

[Quiver he/him]

Beneath the Cursed Sun is the Audition piece, yeah? As you say it's five parts long, so I'll go with the shorter and more recent piece first of all. As usual, I'll edit this post when I finish VanaLen.

Uh... So I finished. damnation.

I have no idea if I'd call that a ship fic. It seems like a pretty fraked up and disturbing situation to me. A really interesting one - but also pretty fraked up.

(Feel free to substitute other curse words for 'frak')

I like the theme of power that runs through the whole piece. The whole thing has a sense of horrible inevitability for him. Obviously I don't know much about the setting, but it's interesting that, here at least, he seems to be the only character without a special power. Tiora has her empathic abilities, Len has summoning powers (which, admittedly, I don't understand completely), and Vanaline has her siren song.

That issue of power is maybe why it doesn't seem 'romantic'. Len kissing Venaline is only after the other tried the same, so I wonder how much of it is a genuine attraction, how much of it is a reinforcement of status, and how much is one that unexpectedly turns into the other.

Len and Venaline seem like villains, and generally despicable people. I'm really curious to read more about them now, but I'm fine with waiting until you're happy with it.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Quiver

[Mailliw73 he/him]

This is my liveblog for Beneath the Cursed Sun.

-Ah no, that's one of the worst things to write, a death of a loved one. (Outside of this, I have a question for you. Do you get more emotional writing a sad/Death scene or reading one?)

-Ooh, blasphemous magic?

-You go, Kalir. You save your sister.

-Smart, Varine, very smart. Bring all the supplies so he has to let you come.

Part 2:

-Sunburn, haha, but ouch, they think it's a curse, though, haha

-this is a genius idea, to write a culture that has rarely been in the sun

-there they are

-yes! He kissed her.

-Prediction: Reene will be dead by the time they get back

Part 3:

-What?! Daiem, he is your son. You can't just reject him! He's saving your daughter.

-Don't kick them out!!!! At least you're taking the feversbane. But still!

-I like this Sara

Part 4:

-Woah, how far ahead did we just jump? There's a whole group of them out there now?

-Oh, there it is, twelve years.

-Tei, I like it. Just plain leader

-The Daiem is dead? So Reene is the new Daia?

-Oh, Kalir thinks the same way as me

-She's postponing it? Is she going to talk with the Shari and maybe they'll combine again?

-Good, you better go to your sister's coronation

Part 5:

-That was a good speech. I can tell she's been training to become Daia.

-Yes! Kalir and Reene can reunite after twelve years!!!

-Happy reunions.

This was pretty good. I really like the happy ending. It was a great idea to use a culture who have never been out in the sun for long.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Mailliw73

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Yeah... Len and Vanaline are not nice people. I have no idea why such a large percentage of people think they would make a good couple. They would be terrifying together. Yeah, they might just be the two worst characters in the story, oops. Len's got some character growth to go through and she might become a better person eventually, but I think Vanaline might be hopeless.

 

There's a multiple worlds thing going on, so Vanaline and some of the other familiars are from other worlds and they have different powers. I'm a fan of race building, so all the different worlds have fantasy races with different abilities and physiologies. Len and Kasten are both from the "base" world, Mondial, so they're basically normal humans without cool powers. (Len's summoning is more of a skill than a power. Anyone could do it with the right equipment and knowledge.)

 

I... might give you the link to the current copy of Called Forth. Maybe. I'll have to think about it some more.

[Quiver he/him]

As I said, there's no rush for the link. Between Cursed Sun and the Scroungers, I should have plenty of stuff your comfortable with being read available to read. As for Len and Vanaline, I'm gonna guess it's either the evilness, or the Siren aspect.

(And don't think I didn't notice that the Siren is a feathered abomination, little miss Feather Writer. Methinks it's not just your writing skills that have helped you garner such a following.)

Or, more likely, it's the chemistry. As I said, from that short extract, I can't see them as a legitimately romantic couple. But I can picture them in a war of dominance, and that would be quite fun to read.

To keep this even slightly on topic, I'm finishing off the first chapter of Cursed Sun. Short comment is that, after that fraked up situation, this is a nice palette cleanser. It seems much more of a 'traditional' fantasy story, with a not ignoble protagonist and love interest. The setting is curious. I kind of like the belief that just being in sunlight makes you feel better. I remember arguing a point like that with some teachers years ago (unless this isn't metaphorical or endorphins based, and these people are Bulbasaurs). I don't have much to say about the first chapter. It's all set up, and quick paced. I generally like things being more built up, but this seems like a relatively short story, so that's hardly a problem.

Edited January 1, 2014 by Quiver